Movie Reviews: Firewalker
Treasure hunters Max Donigan (Chuck Norris) and Leo Porter (Louis Gossett Jr) are approached by a pretty young woman named Patricia (Melody Anderson). Patricia claims to be in possession of a map that will lead them to treasure hidden somewhere in Central America. Max and Leo haven't made much luck with their previous endeavours, so they leap at the chance. However, a menacing Apache by the name of El Coyote (Sonny Landham) is also seeking the treasure for his own means and will to anything to get it.
You can understand why I was so reluctant on watching this movie in the first place. Movies made by the infamous Cannon group rarely end well for me, especially those starring Chuck Norris. Of all the Cannon picture starring Norris, only one has ever been any good. I wasn't getting my hopes up that this would be any better.
It turns out that I needn't have worried as this movie wasn't half bad. I know, right? Imagine a Cannon picture starring Chuck Norris that is at least halfway decent. Of course, this is all subjective. Many people sneer at the merest thought of watching a Cannon picture. There are some Cannon pictures that actually are good. The company churned out so many movies that at least some of them had to be halfway decent. This movie won't trouble anybody's top ten lists, but it is worth ninety-something minutes of your time.
The movie is derivative as hell. Chuck Norris ripped off Rambo with his Missing in Action movies, now he's stealing wholesale from Indiana Jones. Originality was never a priority, so I didn't let that put me off. The Indy comparisons aren't helped by the presence of John Rhys-Davies (Sallah from Raiders of the Lost Ark) as one of Max's old war buddies. For some reason it was deemed necessary to give the character a heavy Foghorn Leghorn 'suh-I-say-suh' style Southern accent that renders him absolutely ridiculous.
The movie is more of a tongue-in-cheek parody of the usual macho movies that Chuck Norris makes. The movie doesn't take itself seriously, so neither should you. The humour in the movie is more liable to elicit a roll of the eyes than a laugh, but it doesn't completely suck.
You will probably forget all about the movie as soon as it has finished, but watching it will be a relatively painless exercise.
Three pointy hats.
Next time: The North West Frontier