This is too much
I don't make promises unless I know I can keep them. I never say "for ever" anymore. I try too hard. Then I'm too hard on myself, whether or not the task at hand even matters.
I can't do it any more. I can't keep on going and trying to be this girl in the back of my head who's everything I strive to be and has the answers I wish I knew. She's not real and I will never become her.
I hate that I'm in this state, that I cry all the time now, that KC can't make up his mind, that I don't get to see Josh all the time any more, that my parents won't stop fighting and yelling, that I make jokes about it so it won't seem so bad, that I can't seem to keep a relationship as simple as even a friendship for long, that my best friend flat out tells me she doesn't trust me, that my efforts are more than they're worth, that the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me. Most of all, I hate that I try so hard to strive to improve myself and accept change and then my faults get thrown in my face and my "best friend" thinks that I haven't improved the right way for her to stay attached to me.
I can't do it any more. I can't keep on going and trying to be this girl in the back of my head who's everything I strive to be and has the answers I wish I knew. She's not real and I will never become her.
I hate that I'm in this state, that I cry all the time now, that KC can't make up his mind, that I don't get to see Josh all the time any more, that my parents won't stop fighting and yelling, that I make jokes about it so it won't seem so bad, that I can't seem to keep a relationship as simple as even a friendship for long, that my best friend flat out tells me she doesn't trust me, that my efforts are more than they're worth, that the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me. Most of all, I hate that I try so hard to strive to improve myself and accept change and then my faults get thrown in my face and my "best friend" thinks that I haven't improved the right way for her to stay attached to me.