Daily Snark Briefing: Professional baseball player: 'I took steroids'
(Like this will ever happen.)
TORONTO - Toronto Blue Jays third baseman Henry Clement today announced he had been using steroids for five years -- but the news didn't come because he'd tested positive.
The news came as the second shock of the day -- after the story that Major League Baseball Commissioner Bug Selig is seriously considering reinstating Pete Rose, who accepted a lifetime ban from baseball in 1989.
"The testing system is still a joke," Clement said at an unprecedented news conference. "It's been a joke since it was introduced, and it's still a joke. And ownership has a vested interest in being two steps behind the game on testing for these drugs."
In the press conference, Clement was unusually frank about his drug use, alluding to excuses other professional athletes have given juries and the public.
"Basically, yeah, I took steroids. I've been on steroids for five years. I'm also taking -- or I was taking up until a day ago, anyway -- human growth hormone, and I've done uppers and abused prescription pain killers. I admit it fully. I'm not going to try to say I got a bad vitamin injection or my cousin and I got it over the counter in a country that doesn't have OTC steroids or any bullcrap like that. I used, I admit it, and I'll see you all again in 50 games or on the flip side."
Clement was referring to MLB's punishment for first-time breakers of its ban on performance-enhancing drugs.
The day's top baseball story had been a report that Selig is considering lifting baseball's lifetime ban on Pete Rose. Clement said that was "a sign of just how backward this game is. The rule on not gambling on baseball is posted in every clubhouse in the majors, every clubhouse in the minors, and here you have a guy who admits he bet on baseball so he can sell a goddamn book, and now he might be reinstated. A fucking joke, and you can print that quote directly. This game is a fucking joke."
Clement said he had stopped taking the drugs "because I decided I was done with baseball. So why bother? I don't need to be able to bench 350 anymore, so I won't be able to."
Clement said the timing had nothing to do with the Rose announcement. "I've been thinking about this for a year," he said. "I decided to do it today way before I heard about Pete Rose."
When asked how he thought his teammates would react to his admission, he said, "I hope the same way (i.e. by themselves coming clean), but the reality is they'll say they were surprised to learn I took steroids and then they'll all say they're focused on the team and the season and all that stuff. In reality, as I'm standing here talking to you, there's about 10 guys in the clubhouse -- and no, I'm not going to tell you who they are -- who are asking their BALCO reps if the newest steroid is available yet, because now they're worried they'll get tested.
"And the others know it'll be available right before the playoffs."
Clement then explained more of why he was coming clean.
"Sure, I could wuss out and say my trainer told me this was flaxseed oil, but we're all adults here. We know flaxseed oil doesn't do shit for muscles. Steroids do, though. They do plenty. So does HGH and a bunch of other drugs the labs are designing to be more effective and more difficult to detect."
Asked why he was being so forthright about his performance-enhancing drug use and risking alienating himself from his teammates, Clement said he was tired of multimillionaires cheating and then lying about it.
"I've made more money off my body in five years playing baseball than most of you will ever see. I'm tired of the lying and the bullshit image and the pretending that I'm something I'm not. And I have everything to lose by coming completely clean, but I've been doing some thinking lately, and I realized that for me, it's more important to try to change the system from outside than to be the sore thumb at union meetings who pushes for more testing and harsher penalties. So that's what I'm doing. I've used steroids for years, and I didn't get caught because testing is still crap and the designer drugs are years ahead of MLB's testing abilities. And there's a damn good reason for that: You've got a bunch of guys with a really big interest in staying built up, and they've got a lot of money to pay for this stuff.
"And that's part of what just really makes me sick about all of this. Imagine if athletes were funding diabetes research with the money we spend on this shit. Imagine someone who makes $1 million a year spending $50,000 on performance-enhancing drugs. Now multiple that by 10 guys on a team, 30 teams, four leagues. And that's a pretty conservative estimate. Suddenly you're throwing another, what, $6 million at diabetes research? And we players, just in baseball, spend way more than $6 million a year on this stuff. Now, I don't know what we spend on diabetes research every year, but I can't think of a single useful thing that comes out of research on these drugs I've been taking that would be better than helping a diabetic or a cancer patient or whatever.
"And let me tell you something else: The argument that oh, you're ruining your body for the future? When you're 22 and in the minors, trying to make the big money in the big leagues, you don't give two unripened shits about how good your knees or whatever will be when you're 60. You care about making a lot of money, getting big endorsements, maybe eventually becoming a five-and-10 player."
A five-and-10 player is one who has been in MLB continuously for 10 years, at least five consecutive with one team. Such players have a considerable advantage when negotiating contracts.
"As a ball player," Clement continued, "I've been focused on maximizing my productivity now, not being an Olympian when I'm 60. I'm not going to be playing then anyway, so I'll save up some money for surgery and treatment when I need it. I know what this stuff is doing to my body, and I'm prepared for what it will do. I've made money off what I've done to my body, and when the time comes, I'll take the pain like a man and not bitch and moan that nobody told me steroids fuck you up.
"And on that point -- anyone who tells you 'Oh, I took something because some guy told me to'? Liar. Liar. You guys who write for a living, that's your livelihood, right? Yeah, so would you just randomly do something to your brain or hands just because someone told you so? No. That'd be idiotic. You wouldn't, like, do a lethal amount of acid before writing a column just because someone told you he got some really amazing insight into the human psyche, right? You'd check that shit out. You'd research it. You wouldn't just go, 'Oh, "the clear," this doesn't have a deliberately innocent-sounding name. Yeah, I believe flaxseed oil is going to help me at the plate.' Come on. Come on. That's crap. That's some serious bullcrap."
Barry Bonds testified before a federal grand jury that his trainer, Greg Anderson, told him "the cream" and "the clear" were not steroids but flaxseed oil products. The government is investigating charges that he perjured himself before that jury.
Asked what message Clement thought he was sending to kids, the third baseman said, "I hope that they'll follow the rules because following the rules is the right thing to do -- even if it comes at a price, even if it's easy to break the rules and not suffer or whatever. And if you do get caught breaking the rules, you should have the sack to admit what you did. I'm not like Bonds, (Rafael) Palmeiro, all those other guys who tried to make it someone else's fault they got caught juicing. I used, I admit it, and we'll see what happens."
Clement said he expected his sponsors to drop him by that afternoon. "Once you're not seen as a clean player, you're useless to them. And I get that. I understand that. It's an image thing. As long as you have the image of a clean player, they love you. The image is what matters, though, not the reality. And my image is now that of a cheater, as it should be. But I'm the one guy telling the truth, and that's not going to matter. And I'm not complaining about that. That's the reality I've chosen for myself. I chose to use steroids, and I chose to call this press conference to hopefully wake Major League Baseball up to what an absolute farce this testing system is."
Clement lamented that he could offer few concrete steps MLB could take to improve its testing program. "Basically, as long as the money is on the side of the drug labs, the league's going to be playing catchup for ... ever, really. But if they think they've cleaned up the game's image when they can't even test for HGH, they're more delusional than they were in the '90s with McGwire and Sosa and all of them. They need to ask Congress to get serious about shutting down BALCO, and they need to just, you know, massively increase the penalties for juicing. Fifty games for a first infraction is a ... just a slap on the wrist compared to some of the international bodies out there. I think first offense, a year's suspension without pay, and you lose your veteran status. Second offense, you lose everything. If they're going to be serious, they should be serious. But the union would never agree to that. So there are a lot of guys right now taking HGH, and all MLB can do is tell them they shouldn't, and if they're dumb enough to get caught using one of the older drugs, they get a third of the season off to go shopping for the latest designer steroid. It's a joke."
Clement said he hadn't decided yet on writing a book about his experiences. "I think Jose (Canseco) kind of tapped out the market on disgust with steroids in baseball," he said. "Anything I could write would really just be 'Juiced 2.' Obviously there'd be stuff in there about testing and how to beat it, but really, the lesson is that the league and the players need to wake up to the reality that our league is seen as dirty, and until BALCO is gone and the record books are wiped of tainted records, the NBA, the NFL, hockey, NASCAR, all of that is going to be bigger than baseball."
Canseco's first book on steroids in baseball was titled "Juiced."
Blue Jays spokesman Fred Rogers said the organization "respects Mr. Clement's First Amendment rights to free speech and will not use the media to engage in a discussion with him regarding steroids, which have been shown to have seriously harmful effects on the body, especially during puberty. The Blue Jays remain committed to fostering a clean sporting environment and hope Mr. Clement will return to the team in 50 games' time as a clean player."
Rogers said he didn't expect any other Blue Jays to be available for comment.
MLB representative Rich Levin said the league would have no comment pending an investigation of Clement's claims and "likely action on what he said at his conference today in Toronto." Levin wouldn't comment on the report on reinstating Rose.
Clement said he'd spend his time off polishing his resume, "because there's no way I'm making it back onto any major league roster after this. I don't want to. The whole situation makes me ashamed of myself. These are people who actively do not ... they want to catch people so they're seen policing things, but they don't want the big names, the money names, to get caught because it's bad for business.
"And I know all of what I'm saying doesn't suggest any shame on my part, but part of feeling ashamed of yourself is wanting to admit what you've done so you won't be hiding anymore.
"So my baseball career is over. Maybe I'll do some motivational speaking about being true to yourself or whatever. Maybe I will write a book. Hell, maybe I'll do some blogging. I hear Daily Kos is a good place to go for people who are about truth and transparency in life."
Henry Clement will be available Wednesday to answer questions about his steroid use, his baseball career and his plans. But feel free to submit questions to him now via my e-mail address: sadpunk@gmail.com. For privacy reasons, he'd rather not list his e-mail address here.
(And in case you didn't get that this is entirely made up, Scott Rolen is the Blue Jays' everyday third basemen.)
TORONTO - Toronto Blue Jays third baseman Henry Clement today announced he had been using steroids for five years -- but the news didn't come because he'd tested positive.
The news came as the second shock of the day -- after the story that Major League Baseball Commissioner Bug Selig is seriously considering reinstating Pete Rose, who accepted a lifetime ban from baseball in 1989.
"The testing system is still a joke," Clement said at an unprecedented news conference. "It's been a joke since it was introduced, and it's still a joke. And ownership has a vested interest in being two steps behind the game on testing for these drugs."
In the press conference, Clement was unusually frank about his drug use, alluding to excuses other professional athletes have given juries and the public.
"Basically, yeah, I took steroids. I've been on steroids for five years. I'm also taking -- or I was taking up until a day ago, anyway -- human growth hormone, and I've done uppers and abused prescription pain killers. I admit it fully. I'm not going to try to say I got a bad vitamin injection or my cousin and I got it over the counter in a country that doesn't have OTC steroids or any bullcrap like that. I used, I admit it, and I'll see you all again in 50 games or on the flip side."
Clement was referring to MLB's punishment for first-time breakers of its ban on performance-enhancing drugs.
The day's top baseball story had been a report that Selig is considering lifting baseball's lifetime ban on Pete Rose. Clement said that was "a sign of just how backward this game is. The rule on not gambling on baseball is posted in every clubhouse in the majors, every clubhouse in the minors, and here you have a guy who admits he bet on baseball so he can sell a goddamn book, and now he might be reinstated. A fucking joke, and you can print that quote directly. This game is a fucking joke."
Clement said he had stopped taking the drugs "because I decided I was done with baseball. So why bother? I don't need to be able to bench 350 anymore, so I won't be able to."
Clement said the timing had nothing to do with the Rose announcement. "I've been thinking about this for a year," he said. "I decided to do it today way before I heard about Pete Rose."
When asked how he thought his teammates would react to his admission, he said, "I hope the same way (i.e. by themselves coming clean), but the reality is they'll say they were surprised to learn I took steroids and then they'll all say they're focused on the team and the season and all that stuff. In reality, as I'm standing here talking to you, there's about 10 guys in the clubhouse -- and no, I'm not going to tell you who they are -- who are asking their BALCO reps if the newest steroid is available yet, because now they're worried they'll get tested.
"And the others know it'll be available right before the playoffs."
Clement then explained more of why he was coming clean.
"Sure, I could wuss out and say my trainer told me this was flaxseed oil, but we're all adults here. We know flaxseed oil doesn't do shit for muscles. Steroids do, though. They do plenty. So does HGH and a bunch of other drugs the labs are designing to be more effective and more difficult to detect."
Asked why he was being so forthright about his performance-enhancing drug use and risking alienating himself from his teammates, Clement said he was tired of multimillionaires cheating and then lying about it.
"I've made more money off my body in five years playing baseball than most of you will ever see. I'm tired of the lying and the bullshit image and the pretending that I'm something I'm not. And I have everything to lose by coming completely clean, but I've been doing some thinking lately, and I realized that for me, it's more important to try to change the system from outside than to be the sore thumb at union meetings who pushes for more testing and harsher penalties. So that's what I'm doing. I've used steroids for years, and I didn't get caught because testing is still crap and the designer drugs are years ahead of MLB's testing abilities. And there's a damn good reason for that: You've got a bunch of guys with a really big interest in staying built up, and they've got a lot of money to pay for this stuff.
"And that's part of what just really makes me sick about all of this. Imagine if athletes were funding diabetes research with the money we spend on this shit. Imagine someone who makes $1 million a year spending $50,000 on performance-enhancing drugs. Now multiple that by 10 guys on a team, 30 teams, four leagues. And that's a pretty conservative estimate. Suddenly you're throwing another, what, $6 million at diabetes research? And we players, just in baseball, spend way more than $6 million a year on this stuff. Now, I don't know what we spend on diabetes research every year, but I can't think of a single useful thing that comes out of research on these drugs I've been taking that would be better than helping a diabetic or a cancer patient or whatever.
"And let me tell you something else: The argument that oh, you're ruining your body for the future? When you're 22 and in the minors, trying to make the big money in the big leagues, you don't give two unripened shits about how good your knees or whatever will be when you're 60. You care about making a lot of money, getting big endorsements, maybe eventually becoming a five-and-10 player."
A five-and-10 player is one who has been in MLB continuously for 10 years, at least five consecutive with one team. Such players have a considerable advantage when negotiating contracts.
"As a ball player," Clement continued, "I've been focused on maximizing my productivity now, not being an Olympian when I'm 60. I'm not going to be playing then anyway, so I'll save up some money for surgery and treatment when I need it. I know what this stuff is doing to my body, and I'm prepared for what it will do. I've made money off what I've done to my body, and when the time comes, I'll take the pain like a man and not bitch and moan that nobody told me steroids fuck you up.
"And on that point -- anyone who tells you 'Oh, I took something because some guy told me to'? Liar. Liar. You guys who write for a living, that's your livelihood, right? Yeah, so would you just randomly do something to your brain or hands just because someone told you so? No. That'd be idiotic. You wouldn't, like, do a lethal amount of acid before writing a column just because someone told you he got some really amazing insight into the human psyche, right? You'd check that shit out. You'd research it. You wouldn't just go, 'Oh, "the clear," this doesn't have a deliberately innocent-sounding name. Yeah, I believe flaxseed oil is going to help me at the plate.' Come on. Come on. That's crap. That's some serious bullcrap."
Barry Bonds testified before a federal grand jury that his trainer, Greg Anderson, told him "the cream" and "the clear" were not steroids but flaxseed oil products. The government is investigating charges that he perjured himself before that jury.
Asked what message Clement thought he was sending to kids, the third baseman said, "I hope that they'll follow the rules because following the rules is the right thing to do -- even if it comes at a price, even if it's easy to break the rules and not suffer or whatever. And if you do get caught breaking the rules, you should have the sack to admit what you did. I'm not like Bonds, (Rafael) Palmeiro, all those other guys who tried to make it someone else's fault they got caught juicing. I used, I admit it, and we'll see what happens."
Clement said he expected his sponsors to drop him by that afternoon. "Once you're not seen as a clean player, you're useless to them. And I get that. I understand that. It's an image thing. As long as you have the image of a clean player, they love you. The image is what matters, though, not the reality. And my image is now that of a cheater, as it should be. But I'm the one guy telling the truth, and that's not going to matter. And I'm not complaining about that. That's the reality I've chosen for myself. I chose to use steroids, and I chose to call this press conference to hopefully wake Major League Baseball up to what an absolute farce this testing system is."
Clement lamented that he could offer few concrete steps MLB could take to improve its testing program. "Basically, as long as the money is on the side of the drug labs, the league's going to be playing catchup for ... ever, really. But if they think they've cleaned up the game's image when they can't even test for HGH, they're more delusional than they were in the '90s with McGwire and Sosa and all of them. They need to ask Congress to get serious about shutting down BALCO, and they need to just, you know, massively increase the penalties for juicing. Fifty games for a first infraction is a ... just a slap on the wrist compared to some of the international bodies out there. I think first offense, a year's suspension without pay, and you lose your veteran status. Second offense, you lose everything. If they're going to be serious, they should be serious. But the union would never agree to that. So there are a lot of guys right now taking HGH, and all MLB can do is tell them they shouldn't, and if they're dumb enough to get caught using one of the older drugs, they get a third of the season off to go shopping for the latest designer steroid. It's a joke."
Clement said he hadn't decided yet on writing a book about his experiences. "I think Jose (Canseco) kind of tapped out the market on disgust with steroids in baseball," he said. "Anything I could write would really just be 'Juiced 2.' Obviously there'd be stuff in there about testing and how to beat it, but really, the lesson is that the league and the players need to wake up to the reality that our league is seen as dirty, and until BALCO is gone and the record books are wiped of tainted records, the NBA, the NFL, hockey, NASCAR, all of that is going to be bigger than baseball."
Canseco's first book on steroids in baseball was titled "Juiced."
Blue Jays spokesman Fred Rogers said the organization "respects Mr. Clement's First Amendment rights to free speech and will not use the media to engage in a discussion with him regarding steroids, which have been shown to have seriously harmful effects on the body, especially during puberty. The Blue Jays remain committed to fostering a clean sporting environment and hope Mr. Clement will return to the team in 50 games' time as a clean player."
Rogers said he didn't expect any other Blue Jays to be available for comment.
MLB representative Rich Levin said the league would have no comment pending an investigation of Clement's claims and "likely action on what he said at his conference today in Toronto." Levin wouldn't comment on the report on reinstating Rose.
Clement said he'd spend his time off polishing his resume, "because there's no way I'm making it back onto any major league roster after this. I don't want to. The whole situation makes me ashamed of myself. These are people who actively do not ... they want to catch people so they're seen policing things, but they don't want the big names, the money names, to get caught because it's bad for business.
"And I know all of what I'm saying doesn't suggest any shame on my part, but part of feeling ashamed of yourself is wanting to admit what you've done so you won't be hiding anymore.
"So my baseball career is over. Maybe I'll do some motivational speaking about being true to yourself or whatever. Maybe I will write a book. Hell, maybe I'll do some blogging. I hear Daily Kos is a good place to go for people who are about truth and transparency in life."
Henry Clement will be available Wednesday to answer questions about his steroid use, his baseball career and his plans. But feel free to submit questions to him now via my e-mail address: sadpunk@gmail.com. For privacy reasons, he'd rather not list his e-mail address here.
(And in case you didn't get that this is entirely made up, Scott Rolen is the Blue Jays' everyday third basemen.)