I really hate my life. Although i put on this fake smile and pretend that everything is all right, inside I'm freaking out. I'm hungry as hell. And broke as hell. Still. I've been broke since I've gotten back from NM for pride. That's been over a month now. I would say I need to cut down my costs... But the funny thing is... I don't have anymore to cut down. I'm falling deeper and deeper into the hole and every time I Catch myself and think that everything is going to be ok... My hand slips from the roots along this giant hole and I fall deeper. Most of my bills are past due. And as of the first of this month I'll be even further behind. I know that I can't afford to go to the concert on the 31st, but I'm going to go any ways. I need to go. I need to know what is going on between HIM and I. And I need to see him again. I didn't get to see much of HIM when I was in Abq for pride. Mainly because I had Annie and Niki with me. and I didn't want them to feel like I was blowing them off. Niki doesn't like HIM. But I'm hoping that someday in the future she would be willing to give him another chance.
If I don't think I'm going to have the money for it by the 24th I'm going to go and get a cash advance. Proly only 150. And I'll pay it back when I get paid on the 31st when I get my measly 170 dollar commission check. I told him that I would pay for the hotel... FUCKING shit why'd I do that. It's going to cost me 85 to get down there and back and another like 80 for the hotel. that's 160. Plus like another 20 or so for food. possibly 40.
Maybe I should just find myself some old rich sugar daddy to pay for everything. There are a few in sedona I'm sure. ICK.
I'm going to be in a shitty mood all day.
I'm starting to get pissed off about my raise at work. They've been talking about giving me one since like April. and it's now July and still nothing. In the company hand book it says that employees will be reviewed for a raise every 6 months. Um it's been ten! I don't think that's legal... If they say in the company handbook that you will be reviewed every 6 months for a raise, aren't they supposed to follow that? And what happens if they don't? I think I'm going to ask that in
rq_version2 after I post this.
Dustin may be coming up and see me now. That's exciting. Maybe I can get him to take me out for dinner... Or something. YAY FOOD. And he'll be bring up perks and Vic. YAY! something to snort. Wait did I say that...? no... never...
I think I'm going to make some rice. YES! being broke and poor isn't that bad. As long as you have rice!
I'm also going to clean. If Dustin is coming up to see me I'm going to have to... Shit the rice cooker is dirty. Damn I hate dishes.