"Hey, this is Jack, obviously I'm not here right now, probably it's not my 'time of the month,' so just, you know, leave a message and I'll get back to you if it's worth it."

*pause*

"Please don't tell Jill I have this number."

*beep*

"Hi, you've reached Jill McTeague. I'm not in right now, so if you'll please leave a message, I'll get back to you after while.

*pause*

"Oh, and if a guy picks up the phone, don't tell him anything. In fact, pretend it didn't happen."

*beep*