Far away...
As much as the nightly rainstorms interrupt starlit walks on Playa Samara, I absolutely love hearing the rain pour down on the tin roofs of the Tico Lodge. It's the most perfect rain noise I've ever heard. Like the ones they create for sleep machines. It's coming down harder now... A good time for attempting to sleep. I haven't slept straight through the night since I got back here 5 days ago. Maybe this mattress is too firm, or maybe I have more on my mind than I thought. I have to admit, last night I thought way too much about surfing this morning. But I have a feeling it's more than that. The fact that I wrote Laura this message tonight after talking to Derek is a good indicator...
I just wrote you the longest message ever describing what was up with derek and FUCKING FACEBOOK clicked some shit and changed the page, so it's gone. ALL GONE. Well, in short... he's not coming. He can't afford it. We talked for a whopping 10 mins today. I love him. I do. I've come to the conclusion that he's a realist and I'm a romantic. Unfortunately. Remember when you were a realist? Haha. He said he wants to be with me he just doesn't really think past the present and there are a lot of factors that go into our future together besides the fact that we love eachother. It's true, I know, but it doesnt matter to me. It's like I've already made up my mind though that through all those factors I'm going to be there. That's the hard part. I feel that way and he can't comprehend thinking that way. I just know that when I go home I don't really feel 'home' until I cuddle up with him, ya know? So I know wherever I go that I'll never truly feel home, no matter how much I love the place, without that. But who knows, maybe someday I will. It's just that feeling that not even the word "love" can do justice. I just had an awful thought though... Maybe everyone is meant to feel that way and he just hasn't found the person that does it for him yet. Wow. I wish I hadn't thought of that. I think it's more likely that he just isn't like that. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
I'm still in a beautiful place and can't wait for my best friend to arrive. It would just be amazing if you could see me here. You don't even know this part of me... you would be amazed and maybe even fall a little harder.