Title: The Leap
Author:
![](http://iamhere23.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
iamhere23Rating: PG-13
Characters: teen!Neal, Peter, Elizabeth, Mozzie
Word count: this part ~ 6100
Warnings: panic attacks, nightmares, mentions of violence, abandonment issues
Special thanks goes to my great Beta
deej1957! Any remaining mistakes are my own.
PART 4
Neal had been sneaking away almost every day to meet Mozzie in the same park they used the first time. They were in the middle of a discussion one morning when they heard someone clearing his throat behind them.
They both turned around to see Peter Burke.
"Peter. Hi." Neal hesitated. He really didn't want to lie to Peter, a realization that somewhat startled him.
Peter just stared and remained quiet.
"Peter, I…"
"Stop. Neal, whatever you're going to say, save it for later. The car is parked down the street. Wait for me there. I need to have a few words with your pal here."
Neal swallowed whatever he was going to say as soon as he took another look at Peter. There wasn't anything in Peter's eyes and voice that incited any reason for argument. So, he nodded briefly to Mozzie and turned towards the direction of the car.
Peter waited until Neal was gone and then turned to face the somewhat puzzling character in front of him. He was older than Neal. Yes, definitely older, but still young. He also exuded a sense of street smarts about him. The same thing he had felt when he first saw Neal. Peter had no doubt in his mind that this guy was Neal's friend and crime partner. He had been monitoring Neal closely in case he tried to escape, but the only thing out of the ordinary had been his early meetings in the park with this guy standing in front of him. He had followed Neal carefully and had tried to look his friend up, but found absolutely nothing in the FBI database. The man was a ghost.
"So, you're Neal's crime buddy," Peter said. "I thought you'd be taller."
"Me too," Mozzie responded. His hands were sweating and he had a giant urge to break out running, but he decided to face 'The Man', if only to keep Neal out of trouble.
"You've been meeting with him ever since I got him out."
Mozzie turned around and threw his hands in the air. "I should have known you were watching us!" He continued to pace and finally sat down in one of the benches. "You know, Neal had every right to be here, it's still within his radius."
"Yeah, I know. He didn't break any FBI rules, but he did break my rules. In my house it's against the rules to go somewhere and not tell me. It's definitely against the rules to sneak out through the window. You can't say anything to change my mind. He's still in trouble."
"Look, Suit, he just came out of Juvie. He's been hurt and needs a friend. He needs me. I appreciate you taking him in, but you don't expect to keep him away from me do you?"
Peter stared back at the other man and suddenly realized that the relationship between this guy and Neal was much deeper than he had thought at first. The way he talked about Neal just screamed out his strong regard for his friend. He wasn't just a friend and crime partner, he was probably the only other person Neal could even regard as family. Peter sighed.
"You're right." Mozzie looked up at him, startled at getting the Suit to agree with him over this. "I'm not asking you to stay away from him," Peter continued, "I'm saying that you have to stop seeing him like this. He can't keep on deceiving me and sneaking around. Neal has something good going on here, and he can't afford to throw it away."
Mozzie snorted. "Good? You call it staying in a Suit's house and having an electrical leash good?" He got up and started pacing again. "What about being a snitch? Is that good? By now, everyone knows he's working with the FBI. Do you know what people in our line of business do to snitches?"
"I do, but Neal has a chance at a better life here. He's fifteen for crying out loud! You're his friend, you should know he deserves a break."
Mozzie knew that if there was anyone that deserved a chance at a better life it was Neal. His friend was smart and he was good, and he'd been through too much. Way more than anyone should ever have to go through. Peter Burke seemed like a trustworthy person, for a Suit… Mozzie wanted to believe that he would help Neal if he needed it. He couldn't be around all the time, and Neal needed someone. Neal had always needed someone to be there for him.
"If you want to see him, you can come visit him at my house." Peter almost regretted the offer as soon as he said it. The last thing he needed or wanted was another con in his house, but if that kept Neal out of trouble, then that's what would have to happen.
"Ha! As if I would ever put a foot in a Suit's house!"
"Look, those are the rules. I need to know that you're not getting Neal into any trouble or planning something for the future."
"That's nice, Suit. I think I'm leaving now." Mozzie turned to leave. "I'll take it under advisement," he added.
"Wait, what's your name? I can't really keep calling you Neal's little friend."
"Little friend? Sure, mock the short guy…"
Peter rolled his eyes.
"For all purposes from here on, you can call me Haversham."
"Haversham. Okay, how do I get in touch with you? I want to ask you some things about Neal."
Mozzie stared back and responded quickly. "You can't get in touch with me and I don't rat out friends."
"It's to protect him," Peter said.
"That's the same rationale that was used by the Gestapo and the KGB."
The guy was definitely paranoid. Peter tried the only thing that seemed to get to him. "Look, I worry about him too." Peter faltered for a second before speaking again. He didn't want to violate Neal's trust, but things hadn't been going too well, and he really needed more information. This was his chance.
Mozzie was getting jumpy again. Maybe the Suit was going to arrest him after all. He located his nearest escape route and was about to turn around and run when Peter's next question stopped him in his tracks.
"Who's Kate?" Peter asked softly.
Mozzie turned around slowly and faced him. "Has he been talking about her?"
"Neal's been having… trouble sleeping. He wakes up in the middle of the night and screams Kate's name. It's her name most of the times, sometimes he calls his mom," Peter said. He really wasn't comfortable talking about this.
"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant." Mozzie paused shaking his head. "Neal's past…"
Peter looked at him expectantly. Mozzie stood still and regarded him carefully before he made up his mind.
"Kate, she was Neal's girlfriend. She died recently."
Peter nodded. Great, one more person dying on the kid…he thought.
"Have you seen him, during his panic attacks?" Peter asked. "He… after he wakes up, they happen. My wife and I, we don't really know how to help him. He never talks about anything that's happened to him. Sometimes I think he likes to pretend that there's only ever been Present Neal and there has never been a Past Neal." Peter rubbed his face with his hands.
"Of course I've seen the panic attacks," Mozzie responded disdainfully. "Just keep him breathing, talk to him. He just needs time." Mozzie would never betray Neal's trust, but he felt like he needed to explain things just a bit more.
"Neal… He hasn't had the easiest of lives. He's been through a lot. It's hard to let some things go. He's smart and sensitive, which kind of makes it worse. He rationalized everything that's happened to him, and has found a common factor."
"What is it?" Peter asked.
"Sorry, Suit. That, you have to find out for yourself. Just, go easy on him, okay?" Mozzie started to walk away.
"Haversham!" Peter called. "No funny business, no sneaking around, no secret meetings, and no cons!"
Mozzie stopped for a moment then continued walking out of the park.
* * * *
Peter found a nervous looking Neal pacing in front of his Taurus. He took out his keys and pressed the button to open the car.
"Get in."
Neal stepped into the passenger's seat and sat down waiting for Peter to go around and get into the car. It had been hard - harder than anything he'd had to do lately - to try and stay put waiting for Peter to return. The urge to run had been big. Especially since he knew he'd be in trouble. In Neal's mind, any type of conflict meant trouble.
Peter got into the car, started it up, and began driving. They kept quiet for the 10 minutes it took them to make their way back the Burke's and find a parking spot a few houses down. Neal was about to open the door to get out when Peter stopped him.
"Neal. We have to talk."
"Yeah?" Neal asked with nonchalance, trying to sound amused. It didn't quite work.
"Yes. You deliberately disobeyed the rules. This type of behavior won't be tolerated. You've been sneaking around, climbing out through windows?" Peter turned to look at him and he didn't look angry. It was worse, he looked disappointed.
"I…" Neal deliberated about his next words. "Peter, I had to see him. Mozzie. I knew you wouldn't be okay with it …"
"Mozzie?" Peter asked calmly.
"He… umm, he didn't tell you his name?" Shit, now I've got Mozz in trouble, Neal thought.
"Haversham told me his name. Mozzie didn't," Peter clarified.
"Right. Haversham. I've known him for a long time and I needed to see him. I knew you wouldn't approve-"
"What makes you think I wouldn't approve? Is it the fact that he was your crime buddy or the fact that he was probably the one that helped you escape Juvie? Maybe it was the fact that he doesn't even have a real name?"
Neal swallowed hard. He was in trouble. Peter sounded angry now. This wasn't okay. "Peter, I just… I had to see him."
"Neal, look at me." Neal lifted his eyes hesitantly. "I can't stop you from meeting with him. You can meet with Haversham, just don't lie about it."
"I didn't lie," Neal offered up quickly.
"Yes, you did. An omission like this is just like a lie. You came back every day and pretended to wake up later, and acted like nothing happened."
Neal lowered his gaze and asked somewhat quietly, "So this means I can still see him?"
"Yeah, you can see him, just don't do anything stupid. Don't plan cons, don't ruin this."
"Okay," Neal acquiesced. There really wasn't anything else to say. He couldn't give up on seeing Mozzie even if Peter had forbidden it. He hadn't planned anything criminal yet either, but that could change somewhere in the foreseeable future.
"Okay," said Peter and got out of the car. They both made their way into the house and found Elizabeth waiting for them with breakfast in the table and Satchmo at her feet.
"Good morning boys." She got up and kissed Peter while Neal made his way to his seat on the table and patted Satchmo.
Elizabeth sat down and started talking about the day ahead of them. She was incredible. Neal still had a hard time getting it around his mind that Peter could be married to someone as amazing as Elizabeth. She didn't even ask where they had been or what had happened. Neal guessed that Peter had probably told her before leaving, but still…
The three of them settled into a comfortable conversation about one of Elizabeth's clients. It was the same one who had been bothering her with lighting changes in a ballroom every day during the last week. Neal laughed at all the right places in the story and was surprised once again at how easy it was falling into life with the Burkes. He enjoyed their house, their dog, and their conversations. Their way of life held an appeal for Neal like nothing else ever had.
He'd never had to follow rules before. He'd never had a curfew or had to tell anyone if he was going somewhere. He'd never had anyone ask him how his day was. It was nice…it was okay. Living here, it was comfortable. Temporary, Neal. This is temporary, don't get attached, and don't get close, Neal thought. Peter and Elizabeth were just temporary. He didn't belong here. He could never belong to them, so he might as well keep his distance before anyone got too attached. He'd pretend to be normal. He was great at pretending.
After breakfast, he grabbed his backpack and Peter drove him to school on his way to work. Neal tried to repeat it to himself on the way to school. He said it over and over again in his mind trying to trick his brain into believing it. You don't belong here Neal.
* * * *
It was dark in the alley. They were just around the corner of the Diner Neal's mom used to work in, back in New Jersey. One of Adler's men took a step closer to Neal and Kate.
"Don't. Adler, please, just let her go," Neal pleaded to the impeccably dressed man in front of them.
Adler turned toward his guy. "I'm not paying you just to stand there, get it over with."
The man took a final step and Neal watched with horror as he fired straight into Kate's gut. She gasped and fell down, instantly tainting the floor beneath her a deep crimson red.
"No! No! Oh my God! Kate! Kate!"
Neal was stuck in the same place. He couldn't move. His legs wouldn't move…he had just let that giant goon kill Kate. He'd done nothing to save her. Just like the last time. He was useless. He'd gotten Kate killed.
"Kate…" he whimpered.
Suddenly, he looked up and Adler and his men were gone. He was back where it all started. His mom's purse was right beside his left tennis shoe and its contents were scattered all around him in the street. The puddle of blood was bigger than Kate's, and his mom lay there right were Kate had been a second ago.
It was exactly the way he remembered it.
"Mom?" he asked cautiously. His first call was always a question.
"Mom!" He tried moving but he couldn't move. He couldn't step into the puddle of blood…
"Mom!"
He finally willed his feet into moving and ran to his mother's side. He turned her over trying to get a look at her face and see if she was still breathing. Neal gasped.
"Elizabeth?" His mom had disappeared and suddenly Elizabeth Burke lay there. Her eyes were glazed over. Peter was going to kill him. He had gotten his wife killed.
"Neal!" He turned around to look down the street and see who was calling him, but he didn't see anyone and he couldn't take his eyes away from his blood covered hands. Kate's blood, his mom's blood, Elizabeth's blood…
"Neal! Wake up. Neal! It's just a dream… Neal!"
Peter was freaking out again. He had woken up for the second day in a row to Neal's screams. Elizabeth had handled his before, but she had left town on a business trip for a week and he found himself standing beside Neal's bed, trying to shake him awake.
"Neal!" he tried once more. The kid was tossing around, his whole body plastered in sweat. He had been screaming again a few moments ago.
Neal gave a final whimper in his sleep and opened his eyes with a gasp. He looked around hastily, panicking. In the commotion, Peter forgot to take his hand away from where he was grasping Neal and the kid started trying to shake him off. Clammy and shaking hands tried to push Peter's hand away. Peter let go and Neal immediately pushed himself farther away in his bed. He was shaking heavily and starting to hyperventilate.
Oh God, Peter thought in horror, he's doing it again. He barely had time to catch the boy in his arms when Neal's eyes rolled over and he collapsed.
Peter carefully set Neal down in the bed. He arranged the pillows beneath his head and checked his pulse. Then, he got up and went to the bathroom for a glass of water and a towel, and grabbed a clean t-shirt from the closet. He carefully pressed the towel against Neal's arms, trying to dry him off. He gently brushed Neal's hair out of his eyes and dried the tears and sweat from his face.
What the hell was wrong with Neal? He felt so helpless when this happened. He felt the urge to run and scream and grab Neal and take him as fast as possible to the nearest ER so they could put him back together. He wanted to make this right. No one should have to go through this. No one.
"Neal…" he said delicately. "Neal, wake up buddy. It's Peter, Neal. Come back."
After a few minutes of quiet coaxing, Neal stirred and opened his eyes slowly. "Peter?"
"Yeah, buddy. It's me."
"Elizabeth?" Neal asked in a pitiful voice. "Is she…?"
"She's not here Neal. She had to go to San Francisco, remember?" Peter asked cautiously. "She'll be back on Friday."
Neal looked confused. "Is she… she's okay?"
Peter stared back at him worryingly. "She's okay Neal."
Neal sighed in relief. He was still shaking slightly and Peter moved to grab the extra t-shirt so he could get Neal changed to something dry. He handed it to Neal, who stiffened when Peter's hand touched his arm. He grabbed it and started to pull himself up. Peter remained seated in the edge of the bed while Neal lifted his drenched pajama top, dried himself with the towel and put the clean t-shirt on.
"Here, drink some water." Peter held the glass out and Neal took it, drinking a little bit before handing it back to Peter. He closed his eyes and rested his body against the headboard.
"That was some dream you had," Peter said. He was terrible at these things. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to make everything right and he knew he couldn't. "Want to talk about it?"
Neal opened his eyes slowly and Peter noticed that they were big and wet. The kid was about to cry. I can't handle crying… Peter thought in a panic.
"I don't think so Peter. Sorry I woke you up. You should really go back to sleep. I'm fine," Neal said in a casual voice. Everything about him belied his statement. His pale face, his clenched shaking hands, his tear filled eyes.
Peter sighed. He wished he could just hold him and make him better. "Neal, you have to stop doing this. You are not fine. Just talk to me, I can help."
Neal shook his head and stared down at his hands. "I can't Peter," he said, almost a whisper.
"Okay kid," said Peter resignedly. "Just try to get some rest." They were both tired. He'd get him to talk soon enough. He had to do something, but maybe now was not the time.
Neal nodded and moved down the bed. He pulled the comforter up over his shoulders and turned his body to the side so his back was towards Peter. He didn't want Peter to see his tears when they finally fell from his eyes.
He expected Peter to get up and leave. His back was practically a dismissal from his room, but Peter didn't go. He could feel his weight on the bed, the heat of his body against him, and could hear his quiet and steady breaths. After a few minutes he finally let the tears in his eyes fall and he cried as quietly as possible. He cried until there were no tears left and still Peter didn't move. Neal had never been able to go to sleep after a nightmare induced panic attack. Not even with Mozzie beside him.
After a while he settled down, closed his eyes, and concentrated on Peter's calm regular breathing. He thought about the fact that Peter hadn't left him alone, and after what seemed like an eternity of silence and steady breaths, he finally fell asleep.
Peter watched Neal shake and cry silently and his heart ached. He wanted to reassure him, he wanted to put a hand in his shoulder and tell him it would be okay, but he couldn't. So he just stayed there. He turned his body and sat on the edge of the bed staring at the opposite wall for what seemed like an eternity, until he was absolutely sure that Neal had fallen asleep again. He finally got up, left the door of the room open and went to his own room. He looked at the alarm clock. It was 3:15 am. It had taken two hours for Neal to finally get to sleep again. He looked at his empty bed and an abrupt and uncontrollable desire for Elizabeth took hold of him. He wanted to hold her tight and forget about the nightmares and the screams. He dropped down on his bed and fell asleep hugging a pillow and thinking about how lonely the boy in the next room must feel.
* * * *
Neal woke up the next day to sunshine coming through the window and the smell of coffee and bacon. He turned to look at his alarm clock and saw that it was already eight in the morning. He was so late for school! He got up quickly; he grabbed a pair of khaki pants and a white shirt and made his way to the bathroom.
Peter watched Neal coming down the stairs rapidly but gracefully, with his hair perfectly arranged and his backpack on his shoulder.
"Morning, Peter. Sorry, I don't think I'll have breakfast, I'm late for school," Neal said as he made his way through the kitchen, grabbing a granola bar, an apple, and a bottle of water.
"You might as well eat breakfast Neal. I called the school. You're not going today. I thought I'd take you in to work with me. We got a few new leads yesterday that can't wait till the afternoon," Peter said. That wasn't necessarily true, they did have some leads, but they could wait. He just wanted to keep Neal close by today.
"Oh," Neal said surprised. "Really? You're letting me skip school?" he asked with a grin. He put his backpack on the floor beside the table and sat down. He took a sip of his coffee and gobbled down a piece of bacon.
"This is a one-time thing, don't think it's happening again," Peter responded with a smile. Neal definitely looked better. He felt good about letting him sleep late. The extra hours of rest had done him wonders.
They ate breakfast and arrived at the Bureau an hour later. Neal made his way over to a little desk they had provided him with on the corner, and Peter made his way to his office. He stepped out twenty minutes later to talk to Hughes.
Neal watched him from his desk and turned his attention towards the stack of papers he had in front of him. Ugh! Was there anything worse or more mind-numbing than filing papers? Yeah, probably: mortgage fraud, he thought with distaste. He was the property of the FBI and as long as Peter was concerned that meant putting Neal to work. Even if they didn't have leads on Adler, Neal had become the White Collar's filer and errand boy.
"Morning Neal. Peter's making you work on a school day?" Neal lifted his head to look at Agent Jones. He immediately smiled. He had liked Jones from the first time he met him.
"Apparently you guys can't get through a day without my impressive filing skills," Neal said.
"Neal!"
They both looked up and saw Peter giving him the two finger point. He got up from the table and excused himself from Jones. He made his way casually to Peter's office and closed the door behind him.
"Peter?" he asked, sitting down in front of Peter's desk playing with his elastic rubber band ball.
"I just talked to Hughes," Peter said, not looking up from the papers on his desk. He nodded towards a giant stack of folders on his right. "They just finished going over every single crime and person that has been in contact or suspected of being in contact with Adler. I'm busy with another case so you're going to go through every file and let me know if something pops out."
Neal took another look at the files on his desk and got up reluctantly to grab them. He made his way to the door and stopped at Peter's call.
"Neal, there's five more stacks when you're finished with those," Peter said.
"Ugh, Peter," said Neal with a grimace, "don't you have enough agents around to do this?"
Peter looked up and grinned. "I've got something better, I got you."
* * * *
Neal waited impatiently in the principal's office for Peter to come get him. It was late on Friday, and the school was practically deserted. He'd gotten into a fight. Well, actually, he hadn't done much of the fighting, it had been pretty one sided. The other guy, Mark something-or-other, seemed offended by the fact that Neal had gotten the attention of his girlfriend during lunch. Mark got up, accused him of being a good for nothing criminal and punched him hard in the jaw. As Neal doubled over, a teacher promptly stepped between them, grabbed them, and took them both to the principal's office. Mark had gotten a reprimand and he'd left about 3 hours ago when his mom picked him up. Neal of course, was blamed for the whole thing. He was the criminal boy with the tracking anklet after all…
Peter made his way to the office and after a glance at Neal's bruised face walked into the principal's office. Neal waited while they talked until Peter came out ten minutes later.
"Come on. We're leaving," said Peter as he made his way out of the office rapidly. Neal got up, grabbed his backpack, and ran a bit to catch up with him.
They made it to the car and drove home in silence. Peter looked angry. Of course he'd blame me too, Neal thought bitterly. He was in trouble again. He wondered how long it would take for Peter and Elizabeth to finally decide he wasn't worth it all. This was the third time in the last four months that this had happened.
The first time, he was accused of cheating in a test. He hadn't, he had studied and had gotten a perfect score. They'd kept him in the principal's office until Elizabeth arrived and talked to the teacher to let him retake the test. He took it again and aced it again. They let him be.
The second time, he was accused of stealing the calculus teacher's laptop. It had gone missing the day before and everyone automatically assumed it had been him. He denied it, they didn't believe him. The laptop was never found, but Peter convinced them that they couldn't possible hold him responsible for something without proof. From then on, he always ended up with extra calculus homework.
The third time had also been a fight. It happened during gym class. They were playing basketball and his anklet caught in the sock of another guy. They both tripped and fell down. He tried apologizing but it didn't go too well. He ended up in the principal's office with a black eye and a less than favorable reputation.
Peter pulled to a stop in front of the house. Neal got out of the car and followed Peter to the kitchen. It looked like Elizabeth had just gotten home; she was starting to pour some wine into a glass, when Peter walked in and kissed her lightly on the lips. He made his way to the fridge to get a beer for himself and a glass of apple juice for Neal. He set the juice in front of Neal and paced around the kitchen taking sips from his beer.
"Hon, are you okay?" Elizabeth asked worriedly. Her gaze wondered from Peter to Neal and she saw Neal's bruised jaw. Rising, she walked to the fridge, grabbed an ice pack, and handed it to Neal.
"Here, hold this to your face. It'll help," she said. "Are you okay, what happened?"
"Got in a fight at school again," Neal admitted grudgingly. "The other guy beat me up."
"No, Neal," said Peter angrily, finally stopping his pacing and staring down at Neal. "You didn't get in a fight. You can't get in a fight if you don't fight back."
Neal gave him a puzzled look.
"Dammit Neal! You can't keep letting the guys at school beat you up!" he yelled.
"Peter? You should calm down a bit," said Elizabeth getting up to hold Peter in her arms. Peter sighed and rested his head against El's.
"Neal, why didn't you fight back? This is the second time this has happened. I'm getting tired of watching you come back hurt from school," Elizabeth turned to face him.
Neal shrugged, "Violence requires no imagination." Peter looked at him in disbelief.
"Are you mad at me?" Neal asked. They must be mad. It wasn't fun trying to get him out of trouble in school, having to pick him up from the principal's office every time he screwed up. For the tenth time that day, he wondered when they would finally give him up and get back to their quiet Neal-free life.
"Why would I be mad at you?" Peter asked. "You know what? I am mad," he continued rapidly when he saw Neal lower his gaze. "I'm mad that you can't defend yourself. I'm mad that you keep letting them hit you or accuse you of stealing things. You're a con! Can't you use your imagination to think your way out of a fight?"
"I thought I wasn't supposed to use my 'con super powers', isn't that how you put it in the rules?" Neal asked angrily as he pointed over to the list of rules hanging on the fridge.
"Yes," Peter paused. "No! You can't use your charm for anything illegal, but you have to use it for this, Neal." Peter started pacing again.
"So the rules are rules, but just for some things? I should just magically know when to use them or when to ignore them?" Neal looked at Elizabeth. "I should be bad, but only when you say so?"
He was having trouble breathing and his heart was beating too fast. He didn't want to have a panic attack. They had gotten better. He'd been living with the Burke's for four months now, and the panic attacks and the nightmares were not as frequent now. The last one had happened two weeks ago. He wanted to calm down right now, but he was just too worked up. He put his hand on the table to steady himself and started trying to calm his breathing. His head was already killing him, his blood pounding relentlessly against his skull.
Elizabeth immediately made her way towards Neal's side and put a hand on his shoulder. "Neal, honey, you have to calm down."
Neal looked at her comforting and worried eyes and then down at her hand on his shoulder. He wanted to trust Elizabeth. Every single cell in his body told him that he could trust her, but he still shook his head and slipped out of her hold. He couldn't afford anyone touching him. Especially not Elizabeth. God, my head is killing me...
Elizabeth sighed, lowered her arm and took a step back.
"Neal, you have to breathe now." Peter, Neal thought. Breathe.
He sat down and put his head between his legs and gave a big gasp, trying to suck in air.
"That's it buddy, just keep breathing. We're here." Peter's voice repeated the same thing over and over until the room stopped spinning and the pounding in his head got smaller. He lifted his head and saw that Elizabeth and Peter were sitting down right beside him, holding hands. Satchmo was lying at his feet looking up at him expectantly.
"All better?" Elizabeth asked. Neal nodded and took a sip from his apple juice.
"I think you need a break," Peter said pensively after a few minutes of silence.
"A break?" Neal asked cautiously.
"Yeah. It's been four months and we still don't have anything that incriminates Adler. We're much closer, but not as close as I'd like to be," Peter responded. "I think we need a break. You know, to relax and do some fishing."
Neal made a face. "Fishing? Catch actual living fish?"
"Yes, fishing," Peter said with a smile, looking over at El. "We have the whole weekend. I have a cabin near the lake. I'll just call the Bureau to let them know so you'll be released into my custody for the weekend."
Neal swallowed. "So, we're all going…fishing?"
"No honey. Peter and you are going. I have a big event tomorrow night," Elizabeth responded.
"Just us two, huh?" Neal asked Peter nervously.
"Satchmo can come along. It'll be fun, just us guys."
Yeah, fun, thought Neal sarcastically. What could be better than going for a weekend fishing trip with a Fed?
"Do I have to go? Or is this one up for discussion, because if it is, I think I would rather just stay and relax here. I have a good book to read and…"
"I hate to break it to you buddy, but you don't have a choice. You're going and that's final."
* * * *
Peter woke Neal up early next day and by eight that morning they were already outside of the city sitting at a table in a 24 hour diner having breakfast. From where they sat they could see Satchmo sitting in the car staring out the open window.
Peter ordered two plates of pancakes, simple ones for Neal and blueberry ones for himself. The nice old lady that worked as a waitress smiled at them and returned a few minutes later with their order and a big pot of coffee.
"Do you want some coffee, dear?" She asked Neal with a smile, "or just some for your dad?"
Neal shrugged uncomfortably but smiled at her. "Yes, I'll have some please." It was easier letting her assume that they were father and son rather than trying to explain the FBI-agent / criminal-teenager-with-monitoring-anklet relationship.
Peter smiled as well and waited until she was gone. He picked up his fork and attacked his blueberry pancakes.
"Do I look like a dad?" he asked Neal half-jokingly.
"I wouldn't know," Neal answered noncommittally, eating his pancakes and looking outside to see Satchmo with his head out the car window. He didn't know what the waitress was thinking. Peter looked nothing like him. Peter and Elizabeth's kid would probably be the exact opposite of him. Lucky for them, he thought.
Peter nodded and kept eating. He couldn't imagine not ever knowing his dad. He couldn't imagine not ever having a father figure in his life.
"What about your mom? What did she look like?" he asked the boy.
Neal ate quietly for a moment before answering, "She looked tired all the time."
"Did she look like you?" Peter pressed.
"No," Neal answered and kept on eating. This really wasn't something he wanted to talk about. He looked at Peter and he decided to offer something so he would leave him alone. "Everyone always told me that I look just like my dad."
"Hmm…" Peter nodded and changed the subject. It was obvious that this wasn't a good topic with Neal, but he was determined to get something out of him by the end of the weekend. Some way or another, they had to learn to trust each other.
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