(no subject)
My long periods of solitude have led to much reflection on life and what's important. I feel my perception of people, specifically strangers, has become twisted. I've had a few good interactions but made no strong friendships since moving, and I've actually severed some connections that I had doubts about before and finally decided to clear from my life. Not necessarily really important ones, but people who overall had a more negative effect on me than positive.
Upon reflection I remembered a few people who I genuinely enjoyed being around, who I believe cared sincerely about me (though perhaps I was too wrapped up in myself and my pain at the time to return the favor). I thought of the circumstances of our parting, and I wrote to one to apologize for any possible hurt caused on my side. He was a good and loyal friend, patient and forgiving and kind. I miss the way we would talk, and though we did not have that much time together before he moved away, I find even just writing emails has made me happier in a small way.
I want to hold on to the people like this in my life, and seek out new people of that kind. I want to be there for them in the moment so I don't have to tell them how much they meant to me after the fact via email. But then, hindsight is 20/20 and the daily grind wears us all down, and out, and sometimes I just feel like nothing more than a zombie.
Upon reflection I remembered a few people who I genuinely enjoyed being around, who I believe cared sincerely about me (though perhaps I was too wrapped up in myself and my pain at the time to return the favor). I thought of the circumstances of our parting, and I wrote to one to apologize for any possible hurt caused on my side. He was a good and loyal friend, patient and forgiving and kind. I miss the way we would talk, and though we did not have that much time together before he moved away, I find even just writing emails has made me happier in a small way.
I want to hold on to the people like this in my life, and seek out new people of that kind. I want to be there for them in the moment so I don't have to tell them how much they meant to me after the fact via email. But then, hindsight is 20/20 and the daily grind wears us all down, and out, and sometimes I just feel like nothing more than a zombie.