For those that Keep Track of Such Things
Monday is chemo day (today).
I want another chemo in the same way I want to have a mule kick me in the gonads... i.e. not at all.
It's screwed up my emotional matrix and context, zaps all my energy, made my memory as reliable as -- I can't remember any thing that unreliable., etc.
I'll try to get to writing things down again soon, but depression just doesn't seem to be a good excuse to write.
I don't see any way to keep our house and still have medical insurance, and we can't afford to live without medical insurance, so I get the wonderful warm feeling of having to uproot my whole family, move someplace we probably don't want to live (but we can afford, somehow), and take away the home I promised we wouldn't have to leave... Unless some miracle comes along shortly (they happen, sometimes)...
At least we have some people out there (smile - you know who you are) who still care... that's a lot more than many people have. Thank you for your caring and kindness... Luv y'all!
Something WILL get better... The Bear keeps telling me "It's just a bump in the road" - I just wish it weren't the size of Pikes Peak, that's all.
End of "Downer Mode" for a while. I've got some things I've been working on (if I can remember them) ... sort of like "Fever Dreams" ... short stories that one's mind makes up when it's screwed up...
Some of them are pretty interesting... I'll post one or two when (haha) my memory is clear enough to remember them... Never know -- one of 'em might win an award or something (smile).
L8R!
I want another chemo in the same way I want to have a mule kick me in the gonads... i.e. not at all.
It's screwed up my emotional matrix and context, zaps all my energy, made my memory as reliable as -- I can't remember any thing that unreliable., etc.
I'll try to get to writing things down again soon, but depression just doesn't seem to be a good excuse to write.
I don't see any way to keep our house and still have medical insurance, and we can't afford to live without medical insurance, so I get the wonderful warm feeling of having to uproot my whole family, move someplace we probably don't want to live (but we can afford, somehow), and take away the home I promised we wouldn't have to leave... Unless some miracle comes along shortly (they happen, sometimes)...
At least we have some people out there (smile - you know who you are) who still care... that's a lot more than many people have. Thank you for your caring and kindness... Luv y'all!
Something WILL get better... The Bear keeps telling me "It's just a bump in the road" - I just wish it weren't the size of Pikes Peak, that's all.
End of "Downer Mode" for a while. I've got some things I've been working on (if I can remember them) ... sort of like "Fever Dreams" ... short stories that one's mind makes up when it's screwed up...
Some of them are pretty interesting... I'll post one or two when (haha) my memory is clear enough to remember them... Never know -- one of 'em might win an award or something (smile).
L8R!