axis
its been bout a year since i met all of my friends at los alisos throuh micahs bat mitzvah....and it's been about a year since their friend alex weber died..and i remember goin through that day..and just thinkin that my whole life would change..cuz i saw first hand how death could be stolen from anyone and any time...i remember thinkin that i would be able to look back on that date and say..thats the date where everything changed...where i became a firm beliver in God...where i was gonna become entirely enveloped in my dreams and desires and not let any of them slip away...but..it didnt happen...and i feel i'm the same one year later...and just thinkin of me bein the same makes me sick because...c'mon i was suppose to be this superperson...the exact person i wanted to be...and although that dream is impossible...i thought that i would make even a miniscule, minute, small gain..but i havent..i fully believe i'm the same person that i was one year to the date....and i think thats insultin to alex...i know that sounds somewhat ridiculous..i mean c'mon..i have nothin i owe to him...never met him or anythin....but just the fact that i didnt do anythin to change myself because of his death makes me think his death was in vain...the fact that it wasnt able to make the impact on my life that it should of...thats insultin to alex...so i've decided theres no use in lookin at the past mistakes that i've made countless times and just to push forward...to be nice and respect everyone no matter who they are or what they did...a year from now i wanna be able to look back on today and not be ashamed of the year i had....i dont wanna be ashamed like how i am today...and i know u might think i'm a little harsh on myself...but i dont think i am at all...because i know first hand what i'm capable of...and the fact that i havent filled that potential is alone somethin to be ashamed of...and i aint tryin to sound cocky...soo plz....i want..i hope...i pray..i can look back on today a year from now and be proud of the changes i've made in my life