(no subject)
There is a lot to say. But I wont say much. I haven been asked out 4 times in the last week. Helen says she refuses to feel bad for me even though its making me feel insane. I have said no (in one way or another) to everyone but I have feelings for all of them. Not anything outside a mere empathy or intrest though. The truth is that I was very much in love with Jackson and I want someone to love me back now because of all the time I was with him and never felt loved. But you cant manufactor feeling based on somethign like that and I find myself with these guys who each have something different to offer me (emotionally) but not love. So Im here. And Im wondering what it is that makes me seem like a good target for misinformed attraction and feeling hollow. I havent eaten and I havent had a non drug induced sleep in a while. And I wonder how much longer you can survive like this. SO I keep writing my silly little poems and trying to fill myself with distraction. But how long can you survive like this?