(no subject)
Have you ever seen a llama wearing pokadot pajamas?
So I was in a great mood this morning when I woke up. It was probably because I had a dream where I was a badass FBI agent. teheheh. Anyway. I have my tickets for going home for winter break. Its giving me some hope that I wont be stuck here in Boulder for the rest of my life. I really like it here but sometimes I get the feeling that I will never escapre Being "the new girl" for the the rest of my time here. I took a personality test that declared me a strong intravert who tries and pretends to be an extrovert. This is not all the surprizing. It also said that I was probably raised by an extravert who never understands the intraverted behavior and forced social behavoir out of me. Its hilarious how true this is. I miss feeling like I have a home though. I dont think going back is going to fix this though. It probably will result in me feeling like I am an alien again. Last time I went home I was with Jackson and for some reason I think he is the only home I knew for awhile. And now Im just a hobo, a very clean hobo. I also suck at having friends. Its like the second I feel emotional attachment to people I get all weirded out and try to get rid of them. Especially when it comes to guys. Therapist says: You are used to feeling abandoned by your father and men represtent mistrust...blah blah blah.... I hope.....I dont know what I hope actually. But I realize how very melodramaic I am sounding. Things really arent that bad, I should just suck it up and deal with it. College application time. I think the only school I will apply to are in Chicago for a reason. What reason, I dont know. But maybe I should apply to some random crappy school in Califoria or New York just in case I realize that I dont want to go back after all. I think Im going to Thailand this summer. I have a place I could crash. It could be fun. Or weird. Or BOTH! Okay really I need to do that essay.
So I was in a great mood this morning when I woke up. It was probably because I had a dream where I was a badass FBI agent. teheheh. Anyway. I have my tickets for going home for winter break. Its giving me some hope that I wont be stuck here in Boulder for the rest of my life. I really like it here but sometimes I get the feeling that I will never escapre Being "the new girl" for the the rest of my time here. I took a personality test that declared me a strong intravert who tries and pretends to be an extrovert. This is not all the surprizing. It also said that I was probably raised by an extravert who never understands the intraverted behavior and forced social behavoir out of me. Its hilarious how true this is. I miss feeling like I have a home though. I dont think going back is going to fix this though. It probably will result in me feeling like I am an alien again. Last time I went home I was with Jackson and for some reason I think he is the only home I knew for awhile. And now Im just a hobo, a very clean hobo. I also suck at having friends. Its like the second I feel emotional attachment to people I get all weirded out and try to get rid of them. Especially when it comes to guys. Therapist says: You are used to feeling abandoned by your father and men represtent mistrust...blah blah blah.... I hope.....I dont know what I hope actually. But I realize how very melodramaic I am sounding. Things really arent that bad, I should just suck it up and deal with it. College application time. I think the only school I will apply to are in Chicago for a reason. What reason, I dont know. But maybe I should apply to some random crappy school in Califoria or New York just in case I realize that I dont want to go back after all. I think Im going to Thailand this summer. I have a place I could crash. It could be fun. Or weird. Or BOTH! Okay really I need to do that essay.