Starting over
I have moved back to my hometown. The place that has many joys to help me back up and also the place that reminds me of the pains I went through. I have enrolled in Christian ministry education again. And I have committed to being a plankton at the bottom of a big church food chain. Mostly to learn the things that I should have learned before going INTO ministry in the first place. I try not to look at these things as steps backwards, but my pride says that I should be somewhere up ahead right now. I would say it is "humbling". But its really more "humiliating" than anything else. People who have seen me as a pastor and even people who I have pastored look at me and their eyes say "What happened?" Maybe thats just my mind saying that, but its what I hear.
I am ashamed that I did a poor job in ministry and walked out without a goodbye. The one thing that I have done a good job at is justifying it to my close friends and family. But I think they know. I failed. I want to restore the relationships I broke with the ones that I left. It will be hard to do. I need to apologize and ask them to accept me back into fellowship. I cant look away one more time as I drive by that place.
I feel like somtimes someone just needs to take a chance on me for me to get back into what I love to do. I know that I need some real change time before I am prepared for ministry again. If I go into ministry again I know that I dont want to walk out again. You walk out on what God prepared you for. Sooner or later you have to walk back in and pick up where you left off. God has us run the race in order. I cant skip the next 200 yards.
Resignation is easy right now, but the consequences are very hard later.
I am ashamed that I did a poor job in ministry and walked out without a goodbye. The one thing that I have done a good job at is justifying it to my close friends and family. But I think they know. I failed. I want to restore the relationships I broke with the ones that I left. It will be hard to do. I need to apologize and ask them to accept me back into fellowship. I cant look away one more time as I drive by that place.
I feel like somtimes someone just needs to take a chance on me for me to get back into what I love to do. I know that I need some real change time before I am prepared for ministry again. If I go into ministry again I know that I dont want to walk out again. You walk out on what God prepared you for. Sooner or later you have to walk back in and pick up where you left off. God has us run the race in order. I cant skip the next 200 yards.
Resignation is easy right now, but the consequences are very hard later.