Grandma's moving to the country
Or, at least, out of the city.
Up until a few weeks ago, my uncle was, perhaps not in denial, but unaware that my grandmother likely should not be living on her own. Being a generation removed from the children's position, I could see that she's been having a hard time, and frankly I would've been okay had she stopped driving after her accident back in 2017. Once grandma saw the neurologist and got a diagnosis of mild cognitive decline, well, that apparently set things in motion.
Just over a week later, mom, her brother, and her sister-in-law all met up at grandma's to talk about things. That set everything into motion. That following Thursday, grandma was whisked up to Algonquin to check out a senior living facility. In short order, my uncle built and hopped aboard the "grandma is moving to Algonquin" bandwagon. As of yesterday, a check was written and paperwork signed, and it was taken to the SLF. What a whirlwind.
Let me back up a little bit. The Sunday after the SLF visit--just a week after the initial mom and fam meeting--grandma was very down. She was okay for a couple minutes, then mom brought up Meals on Wheels, in part because grandma needed to call someone there and answer questions, and it was like she was reminded just how old she was, and likely moving, and you could hear her deflate. She got very down and got us off the phone quickly, because she was in the middle of so many things.
On Friday, my other uncle and his roommate called. They'd tried to reach grandma, but she never answers the phone, and they got her voicemail but it was a generic message, not her voice, so they were concerned. The generic message had been happening for a few weeks so mom wasn't worried. She did give them the VOIP number, and reminded them that grandma doesn't always hear her phone. And, oh, by the way, she's probably moving. The call waiting then went off, so mom gladly got them off the phone, figuring it was grandma calling them back. Shortly after, our phone rang and it was in fact grandma, and since I was nearby mom went, would you like to wish Jennifer a happy birthday? Yeah, grandma had no idea. That's okay. There's a lot going on at the moment. I then heard mom talking to her about the new facility, how it's better for her to go now while she can still enjoy it, and one meal a day is included in her rent, and grandma went, I only eat one meal a day so that's fine, and she won't need a car there because they will take her shopping and to shows and all this stuff. Mom would later say, it's like grandma's going to college.
This past Sunday, she was in a much better mood, like it's finally dawning on her that this is happening and she's resigning herself to it, so she's talked herself into it. Part of the call was dedicated to talking about Tuesday.
Mom: So M [my cousin] is going to come over on Tuesday food day at 10:30 and pick up the check for the new place and wait with you until your food gets there.
*later*
Grandma: So you're coming over on Tuesday?
Mom: No, M is coming over
*still later*
Grandma: So she's coming over tomorrow?
Mom: No, Tuesday. Two days from now.
...The cognitive decline is real.
And then Monday night, I didn't have band and was home, and grandma called.
Grandma: When you come over tomorrow, can you bring big garbage bags? I went out shopping twice and forgot to come home with them both times!
Mom: M is coming. I will reach out to her to see if she can bring bags for you.
M and her husband did in fact make it over there, and got the deposit check and filled out the paperwork--and also brought her some big garbage bags and had grandma say her name into her voicemail message to boot. M's husband also helped put away grandma's food. The only reason it took until this week to happen was because my uncle had a trip planned to Arizona, and the Grand Canyon waits for no one, apparently. He got back late last night, about 10 PM, and my aunt took the paperwork over to the place this morning.
Mom keeps going, I hope my brother has a plan! She's letting him take the reins on this, probably because she'd had to deal with closing out my grandfather's estate and that was more than enough. We have no idea how soon grandma will move, if we're moving her all at once, if we're selling or keeping her condo, what have you. Her current place is about 1100 square feet; her new place is about 500. She also has a storage unit next to her parking place, so we don't all know what she has down there. We're just glad that the majority of the family is up in or around Algonquin and can be around to check on her. I've long hated that she's so far from the rest of us. It's just gotten harder and harder in recent years, and I think grandma has finally realized that while she thinks she's okay, worrying about her is a burden on the rest of us. The saga is far from over but we're moving on to a new chapter in short order.
Up until a few weeks ago, my uncle was, perhaps not in denial, but unaware that my grandmother likely should not be living on her own. Being a generation removed from the children's position, I could see that she's been having a hard time, and frankly I would've been okay had she stopped driving after her accident back in 2017. Once grandma saw the neurologist and got a diagnosis of mild cognitive decline, well, that apparently set things in motion.
Just over a week later, mom, her brother, and her sister-in-law all met up at grandma's to talk about things. That set everything into motion. That following Thursday, grandma was whisked up to Algonquin to check out a senior living facility. In short order, my uncle built and hopped aboard the "grandma is moving to Algonquin" bandwagon. As of yesterday, a check was written and paperwork signed, and it was taken to the SLF. What a whirlwind.
Let me back up a little bit. The Sunday after the SLF visit--just a week after the initial mom and fam meeting--grandma was very down. She was okay for a couple minutes, then mom brought up Meals on Wheels, in part because grandma needed to call someone there and answer questions, and it was like she was reminded just how old she was, and likely moving, and you could hear her deflate. She got very down and got us off the phone quickly, because she was in the middle of so many things.
On Friday, my other uncle and his roommate called. They'd tried to reach grandma, but she never answers the phone, and they got her voicemail but it was a generic message, not her voice, so they were concerned. The generic message had been happening for a few weeks so mom wasn't worried. She did give them the VOIP number, and reminded them that grandma doesn't always hear her phone. And, oh, by the way, she's probably moving. The call waiting then went off, so mom gladly got them off the phone, figuring it was grandma calling them back. Shortly after, our phone rang and it was in fact grandma, and since I was nearby mom went, would you like to wish Jennifer a happy birthday? Yeah, grandma had no idea. That's okay. There's a lot going on at the moment. I then heard mom talking to her about the new facility, how it's better for her to go now while she can still enjoy it, and one meal a day is included in her rent, and grandma went, I only eat one meal a day so that's fine, and she won't need a car there because they will take her shopping and to shows and all this stuff. Mom would later say, it's like grandma's going to college.
This past Sunday, she was in a much better mood, like it's finally dawning on her that this is happening and she's resigning herself to it, so she's talked herself into it. Part of the call was dedicated to talking about Tuesday.
Mom: So M [my cousin] is going to come over on Tuesday food day at 10:30 and pick up the check for the new place and wait with you until your food gets there.
*later*
Grandma: So you're coming over on Tuesday?
Mom: No, M is coming over
*still later*
Grandma: So she's coming over tomorrow?
Mom: No, Tuesday. Two days from now.
...The cognitive decline is real.
And then Monday night, I didn't have band and was home, and grandma called.
Grandma: When you come over tomorrow, can you bring big garbage bags? I went out shopping twice and forgot to come home with them both times!
Mom: M is coming. I will reach out to her to see if she can bring bags for you.
M and her husband did in fact make it over there, and got the deposit check and filled out the paperwork--and also brought her some big garbage bags and had grandma say her name into her voicemail message to boot. M's husband also helped put away grandma's food. The only reason it took until this week to happen was because my uncle had a trip planned to Arizona, and the Grand Canyon waits for no one, apparently. He got back late last night, about 10 PM, and my aunt took the paperwork over to the place this morning.
Mom keeps going, I hope my brother has a plan! She's letting him take the reins on this, probably because she'd had to deal with closing out my grandfather's estate and that was more than enough. We have no idea how soon grandma will move, if we're moving her all at once, if we're selling or keeping her condo, what have you. Her current place is about 1100 square feet; her new place is about 500. She also has a storage unit next to her parking place, so we don't all know what she has down there. We're just glad that the majority of the family is up in or around Algonquin and can be around to check on her. I've long hated that she's so far from the rest of us. It's just gotten harder and harder in recent years, and I think grandma has finally realized that while she thinks she's okay, worrying about her is a burden on the rest of us. The saga is far from over but we're moving on to a new chapter in short order.