Pantsless girls and jobless girls
I got an email from a friend of mine yesterday, on the one chance I had to check my AOL email. (My mother has to go online and check her mail, then switch over to my account while still online. What a pain in the ass. Bah.) I haven't heard from her in probably a year, and I haven't seen her in person in a really long time. We went to high school together for a year, she being three grades younger than me, and after she graduated her family moved out of the country, she went to college on the West Coast, then flitted off to Australia for a year and is now in Southern California getting a Ph.D. in oceanography. Phew. She wrote in her email that she has a website, and I checked it out. What surprised me was that she's a coffeehouse musician. Of all the things I've seen her do, that was not something I ever suspected. Did I know she was a musician? Of course. We were in band and jazz together. But that was clarinet and saxophone, not guitar and vocals. It's strange for me to realize that's actually her singing and playing guitar, though I recognize her in the page's picture. Anyway, her stuff's not bad. "Pantsless Girl" made me laugh, and I think she sounds best on "They Break Her Heart." Go and listen for yourself. The best part was that you can just listen to the songs online without downloading anything, or at least I was able to do so. Oh, and read the Guster story--proof of a small world.
I suppose in some ways I'm jealous of Jessica. She's had quite the life, and she's several years younger than me. I've never really felt free--I'm always held back by something, and I'm too shy to reveal all my dreams to people for fear they'll laugh and I'll look stupid. Heck, in my "Thirteen Questions" from yesterday, I almost didn't put down several answers for fear that they delved too deeply into my psyche. Yes. I am that strange. But I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to let things come out of me. Not everyone will laugh or point fingers. Some people may even like what I do. Plus, I have the added bonus of having a page maybe five people read, so what's the big deal?
I have the time to be free right now. I am virtually unemployed. I've actually known this for about a month. My boss has a long-time friend (they've known each other for over 30 years) who was a band director, then left teaching to start his own business. The friend wanted to get back into teaching, and my boss couldn't pass up the opportunity to have the friend as an assistant--"He could do *my* job" is how my boss put it. I look at it this way: It's not that I was bad, it's just that the friend has done this before. To be honest, I'm fine with it. I will miss the kids. Seeing them at camp made me realize how much they did like me and that they did have fun. At least I know the kids will be in good hands. The friend was an assistant director at camp, and all I've gotten is positive feedback from the campers about him. I'm glad I had the chance to be a band director. I had wanted to teach from the moment I was very small until I reached high school, and then I had no plan. So to get a chance to see what it was like was wonderful. But at times I was so stressed out I wanted to stop doing it right then and there.
Now the questions are these: What am I going to do for money? Am I going to get another job? Can I get more hours at the bookstore? Answers: I'm not sure; I hope not; and not at this time, but probably during the holidays. I would love to write. I have a children's book almost finished, so I could go and work on that for a while. I have a fiction book (novella? Not sure how long it will be) that's been simmering in my head for a few years now. I have plenty of nonfiction regarding my family and my dog--I'll have to start reading David Sedaris, because I think it's along those lines. I have a short story about a girl who wants to do right by the world, possibly like Amelie (Laura, you got that one on DVD? May I borrow it?). There's plenty going on in my head that I would love to have come out, and without a job I have the time to do it. But I have to actually do it...then sell it and make some money. Even if it's $20,000 or something like that, that's cool. I can live off that. I can't expect to immediately have the big bucks like Sue Grafton or Stephen King. (And I can't expect to get lots of do if I keep splitting infinitives. Phew. Gotta fish out my old Writer's Reference and MLA Handbook and all that good stuff English majors keep hidden away in their bookcases.)
There are other things I'd like to do. I'm curious about being a voice-over artist. There were times, when I was still working at a music store and answering phones all day, that people on the other end of the line would compliment my voice. Talk about strange. Guys would almost think I was coming on to them. One person even said they thought I was a recording at first. Freaky. And then there's being a musician. I'd love to be a singer/songwriter. (So, about that Alanis Morissette comment involving my dad last month, no, I wasn't kidding.) Well, I guess I am, but nobody knows about it. I am so shy about my voice that a lot of the time, when I sing, I sort of fake-sing so it's not actually what I sound like. Having taught band has gotten me used to singing around people, as I would sing the parts the kids were to play to give them a better idea of what the part should sound like. And, you know what? Some of the kids even complimented me on my voice. That meant a lot to me, because these kids were young enough not to fib about it--just pure unadulterated thoughts come out of those mouths. I've written a number of songs, and I have enough ideas for two albums' worth of music. Again, now I have the time to sit and work on all of this. I just need to actually do it. (See what I mean about the split infinitives?)
I suppose in some ways I'm jealous of Jessica. She's had quite the life, and she's several years younger than me. I've never really felt free--I'm always held back by something, and I'm too shy to reveal all my dreams to people for fear they'll laugh and I'll look stupid. Heck, in my "Thirteen Questions" from yesterday, I almost didn't put down several answers for fear that they delved too deeply into my psyche. Yes. I am that strange. But I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to let things come out of me. Not everyone will laugh or point fingers. Some people may even like what I do. Plus, I have the added bonus of having a page maybe five people read, so what's the big deal?
I have the time to be free right now. I am virtually unemployed. I've actually known this for about a month. My boss has a long-time friend (they've known each other for over 30 years) who was a band director, then left teaching to start his own business. The friend wanted to get back into teaching, and my boss couldn't pass up the opportunity to have the friend as an assistant--"He could do *my* job" is how my boss put it. I look at it this way: It's not that I was bad, it's just that the friend has done this before. To be honest, I'm fine with it. I will miss the kids. Seeing them at camp made me realize how much they did like me and that they did have fun. At least I know the kids will be in good hands. The friend was an assistant director at camp, and all I've gotten is positive feedback from the campers about him. I'm glad I had the chance to be a band director. I had wanted to teach from the moment I was very small until I reached high school, and then I had no plan. So to get a chance to see what it was like was wonderful. But at times I was so stressed out I wanted to stop doing it right then and there.
Now the questions are these: What am I going to do for money? Am I going to get another job? Can I get more hours at the bookstore? Answers: I'm not sure; I hope not; and not at this time, but probably during the holidays. I would love to write. I have a children's book almost finished, so I could go and work on that for a while. I have a fiction book (novella? Not sure how long it will be) that's been simmering in my head for a few years now. I have plenty of nonfiction regarding my family and my dog--I'll have to start reading David Sedaris, because I think it's along those lines. I have a short story about a girl who wants to do right by the world, possibly like Amelie (Laura, you got that one on DVD? May I borrow it?). There's plenty going on in my head that I would love to have come out, and without a job I have the time to do it. But I have to actually do it...then sell it and make some money. Even if it's $20,000 or something like that, that's cool. I can live off that. I can't expect to immediately have the big bucks like Sue Grafton or Stephen King. (And I can't expect to get lots of do if I keep splitting infinitives. Phew. Gotta fish out my old Writer's Reference and MLA Handbook and all that good stuff English majors keep hidden away in their bookcases.)
There are other things I'd like to do. I'm curious about being a voice-over artist. There were times, when I was still working at a music store and answering phones all day, that people on the other end of the line would compliment my voice. Talk about strange. Guys would almost think I was coming on to them. One person even said they thought I was a recording at first. Freaky. And then there's being a musician. I'd love to be a singer/songwriter. (So, about that Alanis Morissette comment involving my dad last month, no, I wasn't kidding.) Well, I guess I am, but nobody knows about it. I am so shy about my voice that a lot of the time, when I sing, I sort of fake-sing so it's not actually what I sound like. Having taught band has gotten me used to singing around people, as I would sing the parts the kids were to play to give them a better idea of what the part should sound like. And, you know what? Some of the kids even complimented me on my voice. That meant a lot to me, because these kids were young enough not to fib about it--just pure unadulterated thoughts come out of those mouths. I've written a number of songs, and I have enough ideas for two albums' worth of music. Again, now I have the time to sit and work on all of this. I just need to actually do it. (See what I mean about the split infinitives?)