Disjointed thoughts, old style Jonnie
There is some Emo or introspective stuff going on.
It really feels like my boss has a different view of me than is true but I do not know how to correct his view. It's nothing big, just they seem to think I am stupider than I am. I can see how my behavior would lead them to that conclusion, I would rather sit through someone explaining something again, just in case I missed something, just to be sure, than to explain that I already know how to do it. It's just som much easier and non-confrontational to smile and nod than to tell them they aren't needed, + this way if my assesment of the situation is wrong I find out without a screw-up. The downside is that they receive no way of knowing that it is unnecessary. I suppose this holds true for many aspects of my life. I really don't have the memes to deal otherwise. Just like I don't have the memes to deal with other peoples family members dying.
I have "The Gospel of the Flying Spagetti monster" It's in bookstores. For some reason I love the picture of the witch eating a calculator.
I have an easier time dealing with people dying than with eternal things losing what they once had. Since eternal things are only in fiction I'll get weepy over books but real life I can be more collected(if I could keep from feeling guilty or wrong for being only slightly effected) Cyborg dogs longing and looking for the home they had before being turned into killing machines, Children growing up and discarding toys in Toy Story II, Eostar being forgotten by stupid "pagan" waitresses.
A mix of mine was playing. A girl admired it. We got to talking. She managed to work in the fact she had a boyfriend twice in the first 8 sentences. We kept talking and all was fine. I suppose there is something towards deflection. No accusation that I was interested in her, possibly an assumption, possibly not. I suppose it would bug me if searching for a mate was my goal rather than talking about music and if I didn't respect people being taken.
I spent Easter with Valerie, Mike and Mike's Boyfriend(whose name escapes me) First at the Coffee Shop, then over at her sisters house. It may have been my first easter without candy, maybe not, but i think so. Normally my mom buys me Jellybeans. I had a fun time. I drank wine. I got a little tipsy I had 3 glasses total. I rarely got a chance to talk the entire time, even pre-wine. It seems that most people talk without listening to others. I listen, I miss the narrow chances to say things and when I do, people don't listen or understand but rather than asking for clarification, they run with their assumption. I did have a good time. Drinking wine may have been stupid, I didn't embarass myself, or even let on to others that I was effected, but I don't like the taste. I suppose I was just proving that I was no stranger to alchohol, tha tI could drink, or something stupid like that "look at me I can drink wine, I'm an adult" Baka.
Today there was an awards Ceremony for UTA faculty. My Dad was one of those being honored. It would have been close and Val would have needed to cover the beginning of my shift if it ended when my Dad told me it did. What he told me was a guess. I would have been late. Instead there was a blackout and I made it to my shift early. Coffee shop still had power but all UTA was out. Due to Rolling Brownouts from airconditioners, not my psychic powers asserting themselves. Or so I think.
Pretty much satisfied with my music, though I would like the "Charmed" song and the "Ask Alice" song. A Pawn Shop on my way home has a nice selection of DVD's 5 for 20$ from that place(And a few others) I now own "Rocky Horror", Weird Al Music Videos, Nausicaa, Hero, Casablanca, Willard, and Lolita. And Eddie Izzard for Renny. Heh, they're all good, or recommended, or fond memories, but it seems it could mean something more.
Still haven't sent Renny the package I promised. I can't carve turtles well.
I really need to get on top of my E-mail. Esp Acen stuff.
I've got lots of hours this week. Yay money. If only I had someone trustworthy and lovely to waste it all on. Sigh. ( :
Things happen, I deal with them fine but then later I reexamine and turn them into Melodrama. Mike's boyfriend hugs me from behind today. I deal fine, no problem, but now I feel like I should have some massive reaction. I'm not gay but for some reason I seem to be trying to plant evidence that I am... or something... I'm not gay or confused. I know what I like. It's like I'm trying to confuse you, the reader, or you, the world. I wonder... Does Boyfriend-guy think that I am gay?
I don't quite understand Val's reasons for taking me under her wing and being so nice, but I like her so It would probably be a bad I deaa to obssess and disect and come up with reasons.
It really feels like my boss has a different view of me than is true but I do not know how to correct his view. It's nothing big, just they seem to think I am stupider than I am. I can see how my behavior would lead them to that conclusion, I would rather sit through someone explaining something again, just in case I missed something, just to be sure, than to explain that I already know how to do it. It's just som much easier and non-confrontational to smile and nod than to tell them they aren't needed, + this way if my assesment of the situation is wrong I find out without a screw-up. The downside is that they receive no way of knowing that it is unnecessary. I suppose this holds true for many aspects of my life. I really don't have the memes to deal otherwise. Just like I don't have the memes to deal with other peoples family members dying.
I have "The Gospel of the Flying Spagetti monster" It's in bookstores. For some reason I love the picture of the witch eating a calculator.
I have an easier time dealing with people dying than with eternal things losing what they once had. Since eternal things are only in fiction I'll get weepy over books but real life I can be more collected(if I could keep from feeling guilty or wrong for being only slightly effected) Cyborg dogs longing and looking for the home they had before being turned into killing machines, Children growing up and discarding toys in Toy Story II, Eostar being forgotten by stupid "pagan" waitresses.
A mix of mine was playing. A girl admired it. We got to talking. She managed to work in the fact she had a boyfriend twice in the first 8 sentences. We kept talking and all was fine. I suppose there is something towards deflection. No accusation that I was interested in her, possibly an assumption, possibly not. I suppose it would bug me if searching for a mate was my goal rather than talking about music and if I didn't respect people being taken.
I spent Easter with Valerie, Mike and Mike's Boyfriend(whose name escapes me) First at the Coffee Shop, then over at her sisters house. It may have been my first easter without candy, maybe not, but i think so. Normally my mom buys me Jellybeans. I had a fun time. I drank wine. I got a little tipsy I had 3 glasses total. I rarely got a chance to talk the entire time, even pre-wine. It seems that most people talk without listening to others. I listen, I miss the narrow chances to say things and when I do, people don't listen or understand but rather than asking for clarification, they run with their assumption. I did have a good time. Drinking wine may have been stupid, I didn't embarass myself, or even let on to others that I was effected, but I don't like the taste. I suppose I was just proving that I was no stranger to alchohol, tha tI could drink, or something stupid like that "look at me I can drink wine, I'm an adult" Baka.
Today there was an awards Ceremony for UTA faculty. My Dad was one of those being honored. It would have been close and Val would have needed to cover the beginning of my shift if it ended when my Dad told me it did. What he told me was a guess. I would have been late. Instead there was a blackout and I made it to my shift early. Coffee shop still had power but all UTA was out. Due to Rolling Brownouts from airconditioners, not my psychic powers asserting themselves. Or so I think.
Pretty much satisfied with my music, though I would like the "Charmed" song and the "Ask Alice" song. A Pawn Shop on my way home has a nice selection of DVD's 5 for 20$ from that place(And a few others) I now own "Rocky Horror", Weird Al Music Videos, Nausicaa, Hero, Casablanca, Willard, and Lolita. And Eddie Izzard for Renny. Heh, they're all good, or recommended, or fond memories, but it seems it could mean something more.
Still haven't sent Renny the package I promised. I can't carve turtles well.
I really need to get on top of my E-mail. Esp Acen stuff.
I've got lots of hours this week. Yay money. If only I had someone trustworthy and lovely to waste it all on. Sigh. ( :
Things happen, I deal with them fine but then later I reexamine and turn them into Melodrama. Mike's boyfriend hugs me from behind today. I deal fine, no problem, but now I feel like I should have some massive reaction. I'm not gay but for some reason I seem to be trying to plant evidence that I am... or something... I'm not gay or confused. I know what I like. It's like I'm trying to confuse you, the reader, or you, the world. I wonder... Does Boyfriend-guy think that I am gay?
I don't quite understand Val's reasons for taking me under her wing and being so nice, but I like her so It would probably be a bad I deaa to obssess and disect and come up with reasons.