Blah Blah
Somebody once asked me why I write in my LJ, and why I write what I do.
I thought about this a little bit today, and I think that one of my reasons for keeping an LJ is that I like to think that somebody might care what I have to say, if its about music or movies or my own life or my thoughts or something.
I guess maybe I think it's because if I want to tell someone my own thoughts in "real life" they'll find them inane or boring... I wouldn't want to spoil one of my friendships by getting too serious. If I write them here, there is that buffer, the cushion of the Internet between me and the reader. Additionally, if you think what I have to say is stupid, feel free not to read.
I guess to a degree, I have a humorous "persona" built up, especially in class and with certain friends, and if I try to cross over and be "real," I feel like they won't be interested. In class, I feel that my knowledge is inadequate to say anything of substance, so I stick to humor and sarcasm. Not real promising for a future professor, right? As for my relationships with my friends, it would take me a long time and a lot of backtracking to think of the last time I had a serious, philosophical conversation with somebody... maybe it's better that way. I don't really know what I think about a lot of things, so its better I don't even try, right? Don't want to waste someone's time.
Could this relate to that thing my mom was talking about, me not being a risk-taker? What constitutes a risk? Actually doing something dangerous that would get me disowned? Clearly that's the reason I wouldn't do something that I would consider risky. Now, what is something someone else would consider risky? What is risk anyway? Its not like I have money to risk in the stock market... I don't know--speaking up in class even if I don't know wth I'm saying? That's not risky, that's just a waste of my, the professor, and everyone else's time.
I should conclude this somehow but I don't really know where I was going with this entry anyway. Anyway, I guess I'll go back to the first half here... if you read this, thanks for spending the time to get to know my thoughts a bit.