(no subject)
there is no one to talk to. I tried painting my nails but I'm shaking too much. I just took the longest cold shower ever and could have honestly just drowned in there and felt amazing. its so pathetic that this is what I looked forward to all week. I'm broke but I'm happy for tonight at least. I didn't end up doing any homework like I'd planned because I was so exhausted after work. I'll get everything done tomorrow I guess when I'm sober. everyone will be busy watching the superbowl anyways.
the fact that aaron called me last night has been bothering me all day. he said something typical like, why havent I talked to him all week. I wonder. hm.. and how he called because he was watching family guy and it reminded him of me. go figure I was watching it too. I didnt say much and he got the hint and said good night really quickly. I'm not doing this anymore. I cant deal with just sex anymore. I don't need to be any more miserable.
I felt horrible last night. I called erik while I was at work because ashley wanted coke. he basically started crying on the phone out of no where and said he realized how I was leaving for college soon and he was gonna miss me. I couldnt stay on the phone to try to even say anything. not that I knew what to say. I dont lead him on or anything. I feel like such a shitty person. there's nothing remotely attractive about me. why does he like me so much.
I need to leave this town. everything and everyone around here just make me feel like shit. I'm back to that panicked feeling in school where I honestly have to tell myself to relax because I just wanna get up and walk out. fuck everything. the only thing keeping me from walking out is the sober fact that home is probably more fucked up than school.
the fact that aaron called me last night has been bothering me all day. he said something typical like, why havent I talked to him all week. I wonder. hm.. and how he called because he was watching family guy and it reminded him of me. go figure I was watching it too. I didnt say much and he got the hint and said good night really quickly. I'm not doing this anymore. I cant deal with just sex anymore. I don't need to be any more miserable.
I felt horrible last night. I called erik while I was at work because ashley wanted coke. he basically started crying on the phone out of no where and said he realized how I was leaving for college soon and he was gonna miss me. I couldnt stay on the phone to try to even say anything. not that I knew what to say. I dont lead him on or anything. I feel like such a shitty person. there's nothing remotely attractive about me. why does he like me so much.
I need to leave this town. everything and everyone around here just make me feel like shit. I'm back to that panicked feeling in school where I honestly have to tell myself to relax because I just wanna get up and walk out. fuck everything. the only thing keeping me from walking out is the sober fact that home is probably more fucked up than school.