(no subject)
I've been in school now for something like nine days and I'm already taking "mental health" days. my mom noticed I was still in bed ten minutes before seven and tried telling me I had to go to school. yeah tough. I had already been up since 2 a.m. I hate that I tell everyone its the school work. I guess it partially is, but I know I could have gotten that done. No one understands me when I say I feel so completely overwhelmed. I can't shake this feeling that there is not enough time in a day for me to get everything done. I always feel like I'm letting myself down. even today. so I'm missing a day of school and practice and some quizzes. not a fucking big deal, but part of me is like a;ksdjfakl;dsf about it.
Coming down from concerta always makes me feel like fucking dieing. I lost 5 lbs on it and that's why I'll probably take some more tomorrow. I weighed myself today and I lost another half pound even though I've been drinking a lot of water. Last night was such a joke. I went to a college fair with chris and ian. ian can't take anything seriously and I just wanted to get out of there since I wasn't going to be able to look at anything I wanted to with them there. I guess that was a bad choice on my part. I should have just gone with channing. I dropped off Ian. Chris said he didn't want to go home. We got coffee and then sat at the park. we laid on our backs next to each other looking at nothing and talking about nothing important. how cliche. the whole time I just wanted to go home and write my english papers. He didn't get out of the car right away so I said g'night and went to give him a kiss. He looked at me and honestly said, "what, what are you doing?" I said nothing and wanted to die. I'm not even sure I like him. I'm such an idiot. He only made it worse and stayed in the car another few minutes and joked around with me. And then he called me while I was still on my way home and said "gnight." He called me again when I was laying in bed already resigned to not writing papers and not going to school. He mentioned it a few times. mostly joking. I told him I felt stupid. He keeps telling me we're going to the Big E tomorrow. I'm going to bail on him with some really lame excuse. I don't want to spend all my time with him. He made me feel so stupid, but the worst part is I realized I don't care. I hate change. It's easier to just talk to channing and know it'll never go anywhere.
Coming down from concerta always makes me feel like fucking dieing. I lost 5 lbs on it and that's why I'll probably take some more tomorrow. I weighed myself today and I lost another half pound even though I've been drinking a lot of water. Last night was such a joke. I went to a college fair with chris and ian. ian can't take anything seriously and I just wanted to get out of there since I wasn't going to be able to look at anything I wanted to with them there. I guess that was a bad choice on my part. I should have just gone with channing. I dropped off Ian. Chris said he didn't want to go home. We got coffee and then sat at the park. we laid on our backs next to each other looking at nothing and talking about nothing important. how cliche. the whole time I just wanted to go home and write my english papers. He didn't get out of the car right away so I said g'night and went to give him a kiss. He looked at me and honestly said, "what, what are you doing?" I said nothing and wanted to die. I'm not even sure I like him. I'm such an idiot. He only made it worse and stayed in the car another few minutes and joked around with me. And then he called me while I was still on my way home and said "gnight." He called me again when I was laying in bed already resigned to not writing papers and not going to school. He mentioned it a few times. mostly joking. I told him I felt stupid. He keeps telling me we're going to the Big E tomorrow. I'm going to bail on him with some really lame excuse. I don't want to spend all my time with him. He made me feel so stupid, but the worst part is I realized I don't care. I hate change. It's easier to just talk to channing and know it'll never go anywhere.