Keep on keeping on

[i_still_cry]

well things have been up and down since my second return to the hospital - yes I returned to the hospital once again, but I only stayed 3 days that time and I am feeling a bit more confident about being out and trying to cope. As I have said before the highs in my moods are uncontrolable and the lows are unbearable - but hopefully I can get all that under control and just be me again - I guess in a way the mood swings are me - but I seriously have to control them. so, I guess I should say I am doing a bit better now - still not coping well with the alone days - not liking the whole being alone thing with my mother not being home and my being home alone and the temptation to cut and feeling like I did my time in the H why am I not better - but I understand I have to wait it out and everything but what happens when I get really down and there is no one there to help me - and I always feel so guilty calling people when I need them and I never know where to draw the boundary line and I already feel like I've put too much on your shoulders and I just freak out so easy and I don't know who else to freak out at - like I mean when I get mad at my mom I freak out at me. and I never feel adaquite to any fucking situation
sorry about all the f words lately - I'll try to cut back - although it is better than smoking :S
The sad news is that my seriously intense crush on a females teacher continues - whats wrong with me?