k-k-k-kill the lights.
well, I haven't written lately.
I've been really sad about my friend Matthew.
He lives in Cali, and I know him offa myspace.. and hes the most sweetest person you could ever meet, anywhere in your life. well, he left me a comment a few days ago, telling me he has cancer =[ he said that hes going to lose all his hair, and the medicine hes taking is making him so tired, and its in his lungs, and it keeps streading. =[
this isn't fair. before everything gets to bad with him, I'm going to see him, and meet him.. so I atleast know hes real.. just to like.. hold his hand and tell him everything will be okay.
it has to be horrible just waking up every morning, knowing that your life might end in a blink of an eye. he didn't say if the cancer was spreading fast or anything, but it makes me so sad... just knowing that I might never get to see his comments.. ever again =[
I cried lastnight, a lot.. because this isn't fair.. I hate this.. I get attached to someone.. and they have something bad happen.. or say something.. I don't know how to say it exactly.
but its not fair. and sometimes I just wish I could die.
so, today I feel like shit, I'm having the worst cramps in the world and am bloated as hell. and I have to babysit tonight.. and this kid is seriously fucking crazy. and its not fair. I just wanna get away from anything and everything..
just lay in my bed, and not have to worry about anything.. or just.. gahhh.. everything is so lame today. its not even fair.. sometimes I wonder if my life has a purpose.. or.. if the only reason I'm here is to give god something to amuse himself with. making someones life horrible.. or just taking everyone and everything that means to world to them away. I'm not sure. I just have so many things to think about.. and theres no time.. at all.
<3 maybe my meaning in life, is to meet people, and then have them taken away??
I've been really sad about my friend Matthew.
He lives in Cali, and I know him offa myspace.. and hes the most sweetest person you could ever meet, anywhere in your life. well, he left me a comment a few days ago, telling me he has cancer =[ he said that hes going to lose all his hair, and the medicine hes taking is making him so tired, and its in his lungs, and it keeps streading. =[
this isn't fair. before everything gets to bad with him, I'm going to see him, and meet him.. so I atleast know hes real.. just to like.. hold his hand and tell him everything will be okay.
it has to be horrible just waking up every morning, knowing that your life might end in a blink of an eye. he didn't say if the cancer was spreading fast or anything, but it makes me so sad... just knowing that I might never get to see his comments.. ever again =[
I cried lastnight, a lot.. because this isn't fair.. I hate this.. I get attached to someone.. and they have something bad happen.. or say something.. I don't know how to say it exactly.
but its not fair. and sometimes I just wish I could die.
so, today I feel like shit, I'm having the worst cramps in the world and am bloated as hell. and I have to babysit tonight.. and this kid is seriously fucking crazy. and its not fair. I just wanna get away from anything and everything..
just lay in my bed, and not have to worry about anything.. or just.. gahhh.. everything is so lame today. its not even fair.. sometimes I wonder if my life has a purpose.. or.. if the only reason I'm here is to give god something to amuse himself with. making someones life horrible.. or just taking everyone and everything that means to world to them away. I'm not sure. I just have so many things to think about.. and theres no time.. at all.
<3 maybe my meaning in life, is to meet people, and then have them taken away??