DEAR SOCIETY: fuck off.

[i_rule_you_suck]

so i'm kind of tired of faking myself up in the morning. i'm kind of tired of loading myself with that black, waterproof eyewear and that blemish-busting bullshit. and i'm kind of tired of TRYING to perfect my hair every day. and i'm especially tired of realizing that i NEED to do this to myself

Comments

[dirrtypop01]

I read this post last night and wanted to comment on it then, but didn't really get around to it. I just want to say that, first Paige, you are completely amazing.

I'm almost on the other side of what you're dealing with. I KNOW that when I come to school in the morning I look like shit; I spend about 3 minutes in the morning sloppily putting on minimal amounts of make-up, and usually don't even brush my hair. For me my hair is the big issue. I've been dealing with it a lot this year, and I've literally spent hours trying to make it presentable, i.e. straight. I haven't got it yet and the frustration has led me to give up for the time being.

As for the way people act, you are completely right. When I've worn my hair down+straight (so far the only way I can get it like this is if it's done professionally) it's an instant change in the way people talk to me. I know that my friends (the, what, four of them?) don't really treat me differently other than "You look nice" but people that I'm not very good friends with definitely do.

One of the things that I've been dealing with for the past four or so years is whether I want people to treat me like this all the time. I mean, yeah, I do, right, because it makes me feel good. Right? But I've never really made that extra effort to look nice every day, and no matter how optimistic about people I want to be, my life would be a lot different if I had. I've carried the "I would rather have my real friends like me for who I am rather than for how good I look" persona, but lately I've REALLY questioned it.

Because you are right about a lot of these things. I don't think it would be social suicide for you if you stopped wearing make-up (not that I 100% understand what you mean by that term) but you're right that people DO care about how you look and that it DOES matter a lot. It's the first thing that anyone notices about another person and only after people get to really know each other do the 'I sincerely love you for who you are' feelings come around.

Then whether or not the TIME that you spend on make-up etc is even worth it. In some ways, it is. Almost constant social confidence for almost constant self-loathing/pressure, or something similar. Gah. I'm sorry this is so long. I think I am going to make a post similar to this after I've fully gathered my thoughts on the matter. I've been thinking about this for a really long time and have never really spent the time to do/even say anything about it.

Paige, you really are pretty. If you stop wearing make-up and people stop talking to you (and I know you've heard this a million times before) they are not your real friends, and they're not worth it, and it only means that they have things to deal with inside themselves if they're that insecure that they wouldn't hang out with you because you don't meet "expectations". I admit that I don't really even know you that well, but just from being around you and reading your journal I can tell that you're an amazing person. Also, about having a boyfriend, pleasepleaseplease do not equate not having one with not being good enough to have one. You are good enough, and as much as it sucks to hear/realize, I'm sure that one of the reasons you don't have one is that you're more mature than the general high school population. If/when I figure out a solution to the maturity problem (other than waiting) I will let you know. Okayokay. I'm done for now.

This may/may not be unrelated, but does my space have anything to do with this at all?

[i_rule_you_suck]

haha. for once myspace has nothing to do with this.

and when i say social suicide, i mean exactly what you were talkig about when you said how so many people talked to you when you straightened your hair. see, i've enver come to school looking regular, so i dont know which people ar ethe friends who like me for who i am. and personally, i dont want to find out because i think i would feel really bad. because i'm pretty sure the majority of people i talk to would ignore me if i wasnt attractive.

i remember one of the first things i said to you was "i love your sweatshirt." that one with orange hearts or something? and from that day i thought you were so cool. and you are.

and yeah, i've noticed that the maturity level of most people in our school is an ultimate low. people don't realize that there is a time to goof off and a time to be serious. people really need to learn when to draw the line.

and i honestly think you look good on a daily basis. for example, the clothes you wear absolutely flatter you. you look fine with the makeup you do or don't wear. and your hair? one, its unique, its not identical to all the super straight fakeness of LHS. two, it looks fine tied up in a ponytail, so why waste time making it STRAIGHT? it just goes to further damage your hair and take away precious sleep. i'm not lying here.

i'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks about appearance and whether or not its worth it. i was expecting most people to say "OH GET OVER IT." i'm really glad i'm not alone in thinking these thoughts.

thank you. so much julie. i mean it, this comment made me feel a lot better. and i didn't mind the length =]

i love you.