(no subject)
So I guess you could say its been awhile since ive written in here... haha yeah....
And i just feel like i need to get some stuff out there
Im fine and all, like this stuff bothers me but its not like im overly upset about it..
So last night. we all went to the movies and then hung out at the mall for awhile
And me and jessica went to eat in the food court.
Ryan and Zach came and found us. and told us and amusing story...
except i didnt find it quite as funny as everyone else
and i know its completely stupid of me and its not big deal. but sitll.
it kinda just sucked and put me in one of those bad moods.
and i couldve gotten over it if like. they had just told it once.
but no.
i had to hear it like. 10 times.
i just wish i had been there lmao. honestly, thats the only thing that makes me laugh about this whole thing.
thinking about how if i had been there. i wouldve freaked out on the girl.
Thomas has always told me before im 20 i will have punched someone in the face
bcuz i have serious anger problems when i actually get mad
like i rarely GET MAD. but. when i do. i cant...really control it.
I guess it runs in the family.
but anyway back to the point....I honestly think this would have been the time that i wouldve punched someone.
as;dkfja;sldkjasd;lkf. 12 year old girls need to die.
idk. i guess im dumb. but it kidna hurt. oh well, ill get over it...
So also, winter formal? I dont know. Part of me wants to go extremely bad. but then. part of me really doesnt.
Like, yea, itd be really fun to be there with everyone and such but just...
idk. zach always makes me feel bad. but im jsut. not. the most outgoing person out there. and with certain things i get extremely shy
and yes. im dumb. oh well, i get it . but its me. i dont like dancing. im sorry. whatever.
and it pisses me off when people keep trying to push me over and over to do it. obviously. i dont want to.
and yes, i feel like a bitch whenver im like this but i cant help it. there are so many things that i have gotten over
and somany things that i have pushed myself to get better at and to bea ble to open up and not be so held back from everything.
but can i not have one thign that i dont wanna do?
i hate it. i hate this feeling . and it makes me nervous and anxious and feel bad and wonder if im worth even being with
and i dont knowif certain people get mad at me for it. or think im stupid. and you know what
im sick of it. wihch is why theres a good chance im not going to formal. i hate all this pressure (that i mainly put on myself)
believe me.
i wish i could just let go
but its not that easy for me.
and ive spent the last half year trying to get over being so quiet and shy and everything else
and i say ive done an okay job at it if you look at what i used to be like
so screw you
why should i always have to change who i am.
deal with it
okay ... well, i think im done. lmao. didnt want to amke it sound mean or anything i jsut needed to vent i guess
sometimes. i think people think were so different. taht we wont last very long....and with everyone ocmmenting on it. it scares me sometimes
i dont liek it.