2017
2017 so far has been the year that I...
Finally got divorced.
Found Voice (which meant I finally watched The Wire, got a literal box of sex toys for a New Years Eve present that included boy smell hoodie and a childhood favorite book that had me sob like a little softy, a birthday box with more sex toys and a Robin!Bear and the Leviathan Wakes series basically Voice is the best bro yall I like him the most and tell him all the things).
Got my own apartment and painted my bathroom yellow and got cute bedding and pictures of my friends all over the place and everything else I was told was stupid to want for ten years.
Rebuilt my ohana, finally (lots of brewery hangs and biker and gun talk, so not my style but they make me text I got home safe and send me memes).
Met a guy that nerds out (DnD, console and PC gaming, collects old school game manuals, model train building, makes his own superhero wall art, send me pictures as he reads comic books and has said "Can we practice tying each other up in the future? While reading comics? At the same time somehow?", was personally offended I havent watched any lotr or harry potter movies, has a lannister tattoo up his ribs, like yall its real real deep), asks me constantly to do things and invites me to things four months away and wants to show and take me to all the things, has a yellow wall in his front room, is perfectly fine that pancakes are all i can safely cook because he loves cooking, invited me over for to watch lotr at 11pm and we actually watched it (I was like mmm feels like netflix and chill but no no, cuz "I'd really like to do stuff, but I think we should wait, so behave" ???????), slept over and he not only didnt give me shit for sleeping with Robin!bear but put it between us when it kept falling off the bed (???? Oh and really held on to that waiting comment yall I thought it was a joke it was not I didnt have to slow down jack it was... odd but rad), went to a lot of the same tours I went to back in the day and likes dancing and singing to oldies with me, is dedicated to helping me with math, is actively trying to figure out how to calm my anxiety because not a damn thing ever bothers him NOTHING no anxious or annoyance NOTHING he is super chill and in control all of the time also why is his apartment so fucking spotless I am not kidding no dust no errant sweater or piece of mail tossed somewhere and no its not just cuz I came over in every random picture everything is super neat and organized tf like I am a neat freak but THIS yall I might get murdered like its literally THAT disruptive to witness, has friends from HS so i am finally not creepy for having 13+ yr friendships, checks in on my work outs and eating, I told him I had a headache and he kept asking about it through the day til it was gone (work has been a hell beast of new stress yall), could give a fuck less about my boobs a hoodie away while cuddling me in bed but wants to know if i like ice cream and what kind (listen wtf also he watches twitch streams to fall asleep IM NOT KIDDING ITS A PRANK AT THIS POINT WHO SENT HIM), is kind of a dick but in the fun way but probably will play too much at some point (pulls harmless office pranks, would rock the ferris wheel cabin just to make me pee myself, will probably dutch oven me next time I stay over etc), hangs out with his mom on sunday mornings, when he tells me stories he always uses peoples names its never "A coworker/buddy of mine" its always "So my friend chris" "This girl at work, her name is Brandi," and I just... what is this. Who did this to me. Why. Why is this happening and what do i do with it. I wasnt good at this in HS and I assure you, I have not gotten any better.
Started posting body positive pics on the internet cuz hey I wanna be a cool kid too also ugh isnt coffee club a great place i have never loved my body more than I do now where was this in HS when church and hormones made me ashamed of all this jelly gawd the time I wasted actively dressing poorly and trying to stay the ugly friend because I was so uncomfortable with myself ugh
Started speaking up more often when people aay racist shit in front of me. Which is all the damn time cuz Texas.
Learned how to let people go. As soon as it doesnt feel positive or serving a positive purpose, bye felicia. And I mean, this has included some decade plus friendships. I am someone who always loves you and is here unless you reallllly burn me, but now it takes as little as a dumbass tantrum or taking too long to pick me up after letting me down for me to be like nahhh too old for this its been real lead a good life be blessed move forward bye.
I have managed to finally hit a grow point and oh, oh I can taste my 30s and freedom from my dumbass 20s its sooo clooooose.
Finally got divorced.
Found Voice (which meant I finally watched The Wire, got a literal box of sex toys for a New Years Eve present that included boy smell hoodie and a childhood favorite book that had me sob like a little softy, a birthday box with more sex toys and a Robin!Bear and the Leviathan Wakes series basically Voice is the best bro yall I like him the most and tell him all the things).
Got my own apartment and painted my bathroom yellow and got cute bedding and pictures of my friends all over the place and everything else I was told was stupid to want for ten years.
Rebuilt my ohana, finally (lots of brewery hangs and biker and gun talk, so not my style but they make me text I got home safe and send me memes).
Met a guy that nerds out (DnD, console and PC gaming, collects old school game manuals, model train building, makes his own superhero wall art, send me pictures as he reads comic books and has said "Can we practice tying each other up in the future? While reading comics? At the same time somehow?", was personally offended I havent watched any lotr or harry potter movies, has a lannister tattoo up his ribs, like yall its real real deep), asks me constantly to do things and invites me to things four months away and wants to show and take me to all the things, has a yellow wall in his front room, is perfectly fine that pancakes are all i can safely cook because he loves cooking, invited me over for to watch lotr at 11pm and we actually watched it (I was like mmm feels like netflix and chill but no no, cuz "I'd really like to do stuff, but I think we should wait, so behave" ???????), slept over and he not only didnt give me shit for sleeping with Robin!bear but put it between us when it kept falling off the bed (???? Oh and really held on to that waiting comment yall I thought it was a joke it was not I didnt have to slow down jack it was... odd but rad), went to a lot of the same tours I went to back in the day and likes dancing and singing to oldies with me, is dedicated to helping me with math, is actively trying to figure out how to calm my anxiety because not a damn thing ever bothers him NOTHING no anxious or annoyance NOTHING he is super chill and in control all of the time also why is his apartment so fucking spotless I am not kidding no dust no errant sweater or piece of mail tossed somewhere and no its not just cuz I came over in every random picture everything is super neat and organized tf like I am a neat freak but THIS yall I might get murdered like its literally THAT disruptive to witness, has friends from HS so i am finally not creepy for having 13+ yr friendships, checks in on my work outs and eating, I told him I had a headache and he kept asking about it through the day til it was gone (work has been a hell beast of new stress yall), could give a fuck less about my boobs a hoodie away while cuddling me in bed but wants to know if i like ice cream and what kind (listen wtf also he watches twitch streams to fall asleep IM NOT KIDDING ITS A PRANK AT THIS POINT WHO SENT HIM), is kind of a dick but in the fun way but probably will play too much at some point (pulls harmless office pranks, would rock the ferris wheel cabin just to make me pee myself, will probably dutch oven me next time I stay over etc), hangs out with his mom on sunday mornings, when he tells me stories he always uses peoples names its never "A coworker/buddy of mine" its always "So my friend chris" "This girl at work, her name is Brandi," and I just... what is this. Who did this to me. Why. Why is this happening and what do i do with it. I wasnt good at this in HS and I assure you, I have not gotten any better.
Started posting body positive pics on the internet cuz hey I wanna be a cool kid too also ugh isnt coffee club a great place i have never loved my body more than I do now where was this in HS when church and hormones made me ashamed of all this jelly gawd the time I wasted actively dressing poorly and trying to stay the ugly friend because I was so uncomfortable with myself ugh
Started speaking up more often when people aay racist shit in front of me. Which is all the damn time cuz Texas.
Learned how to let people go. As soon as it doesnt feel positive or serving a positive purpose, bye felicia. And I mean, this has included some decade plus friendships. I am someone who always loves you and is here unless you reallllly burn me, but now it takes as little as a dumbass tantrum or taking too long to pick me up after letting me down for me to be like nahhh too old for this its been real lead a good life be blessed move forward bye.
I have managed to finally hit a grow point and oh, oh I can taste my 30s and freedom from my dumbass 20s its sooo clooooose.