I fucked up big time

[i_love_y0u_694]

Okay so It's not hard to say that I haven't had good relationships in the past...which means I took part in the mess ups. I don't know exactly how to handle problems..It is easier for me to run away than to confront them and try to fix them. I think I am slowly pushing him away and that is honestly the last thing I want to do. I want him to just understand that when he says " we're gonna hang out today " that we actually hang out because everything he says matters to me and I believe what he says. And I want him to know that when he jokes about serious stuff that It hurts my feelings and he has apologized and he told me that " I am his girl and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings and he was only kidding and he was waiting on me to joke with him and crack on him " but he goes a little too far sometimes..at least I think anyways. He means a lot to me and me and him need to communicate more. I think that is the basis for a good relationship, that and trust. If you do not communicate you do not really have much of anything. It started when he cracked a few jokes about me..that just pushed me away. And then he said we'd hang out and he ended up hanging with his friends..and I guess I just felt kind of hurt because I was looking forward to hanging out with him and his friends. Just one thing after another just started slowly pushing me away and I just was like " wow maybe we should've talked about what we want or expected before we started dating each other ". Do not get me wrong he is a doll and I adore him and I think If we BOTH try we can work this out. But I think we're both hurt because he knows Dan still likes me and I guess he thinks I may leave him for Dan since I haven't seemed happy lately..but I am NOT. I haven't been happy but I'm not going to run to any other guy for comfort. I want HIM..I want us...I want to be happy together. He's really frustrated and I know why. I messed up a lot lately by telling him I would hang out with Dan...and yes I can hang out with who I want but Dan likes me and that just isn't a good idea. And he has a right to be really pissed off at me. But I think despite everything we should talk about it. He has to still care about me because If he doesn't then maybe he never did. You can't just throw something away. We might not have dated for long but we cared about each other A LOT and we were getting closer. I just hope he can let this go and move on..
I guess we'll see what happens..
If it counts for anything..I'm Sorry and I hope he knows that I Like Him A LOT!!! And I'm scared to lose him..even though I try to pretend that It wouldn't bother me at all..It would break my heart.