fearing love
So have you guys ever felt so strongly about something...yet feared it so much you saw yourself wanting out as fast as possible? Fearing something in my mind is a weakness and It should be conquered..but it's really scary.
After my grandfather passed away in May it's like everything I loved and everyone I loved..just like got really fuzzy. My vision of everything that was okay is now totally not. It's not that I don't care about him cause I do but it's like I am totally scared. The only person I've really LOVED like that unconditional family love was my grandfather and he left without a goodbye or anything...and I guess I fear something like that happening to anyone I get close to. I don't know why It's more so to Jimmy or any guy I like but I don't want to get hurt and when I find myself falling for someone I decide to pick out the little things that are wrong and blow em' out of porportion so that I can run away so I don't get hurt. It's not fair to him...because he is a terrific person..It's really more me than anything. It's something I need to fix but I don't really know how. I fear love yet in my heart I want it sooo bad. I want true love and when It comes close to me I run away like a big baby. I'll post an update when things change..we'll see.
x!~Jess~!x
After my grandfather passed away in May it's like everything I loved and everyone I loved..just like got really fuzzy. My vision of everything that was okay is now totally not. It's not that I don't care about him cause I do but it's like I am totally scared. The only person I've really LOVED like that unconditional family love was my grandfather and he left without a goodbye or anything...and I guess I fear something like that happening to anyone I get close to. I don't know why It's more so to Jimmy or any guy I like but I don't want to get hurt and when I find myself falling for someone I decide to pick out the little things that are wrong and blow em' out of porportion so that I can run away so I don't get hurt. It's not fair to him...because he is a terrific person..It's really more me than anything. It's something I need to fix but I don't really know how. I fear love yet in my heart I want it sooo bad. I want true love and when It comes close to me I run away like a big baby. I'll post an update when things change..we'll see.
x!~Jess~!x