Jul 11, 2010 19:28
Note: This is an AU in which Emma doesn't exist. It is my personal opinion that Will cannot realize how perfect he and Rachel are together because he's so hung up on Emma. That, and he has morals / doesn't want to get arrested. LOL.
I love Emma, and Wemma, but this is my OTP, so enjoy, comment (please? :P) and thank youu for reading! =)
~
Terri had faked a pregnancy. She'd faked it. And Will didn't have one person to talk to.
When he reflected on the past decade of his life, he couldn't help but regret the decisions he'd made. He had spent every second either working on his marriage or simply working. He was divorced now, and none of it meant anything. He couldn't help but realize that, apart from glee, nothing so far in his adult life mattered. His closest friend was Ken Tanaka for goodness' sake. And he definitely wasn't the person to discuss one's innermost feelings with. Every once in a while, he considered calling his parents. But regardless of the fact that they were in complete agreement with his break-up, he was too ashamed to confront them about it. He couldn't help but see himself as nothing more than another middle-aged divorcee. He'd also considered talking to the McKinley guidance counselor, a woman named Joanne Oats; but on top of the fact that her services were reserved solely for students, Will had heard other teachers call her a "crazy old bat" rendering her useless to him.
He had no one.
He noticed himself beginning to focus all his energy on teaching, which, whether he wanted to or not, meant getting to know his students better. And the day Rachel Berry was egged by Vocal Adrenaline, he learned that they had more in common than he ever would have guessed. Her fellow classmates were definitely offended by the actions of their rivals. But when all was said and done, they left the school at 3:30 without a second thought.
Will sat in the empty chair beside Rachel, unsure of the right thing to say.
"You know what the worst part is?" She asked. "I have to go home now. I'll probably cry myself to sleep. And I have no one to call. To make things better, my fathers leave for vacation the first day of summer break, which means I actually dread summer vacation."
He knew the feeling well. An empty apartment awaited his return, full of nothing but overpriced pottery barn furnishings and unwanted memories.
"Rachel,"
"Don't try and make me feel better," she interrupted. "It's true. I have no friends, and there isn't anything good about it. You don't need to play 'teacher' around me, because nothing you can say will make me feel better."
"I was just going to say that I know how you feel." He said. He was about to wrap his arm around her shoulder to comfort her, but it somehow seemed inappropriate so he settled for the back of her chair instead.
"You do?"
"Do you know what happened between me and my wife?" He asked, genuinely curious to find out how much the students knew.
"Just that you've been kind of depressed for months." She said, meeting his gaze.
"Terri faked a pregnancy," he said, looking away.
"What could that possibly accomplish?" she asked. He chuckled humorlessly at the comment.
"She said she thought she was losing me, and that the 'baby' was the only thing keeping us together. Now that I think about it, she was right. But that doesn't change anything; my marriage was over either way."
He found it strange that Rachel Berry was the one he was bearing his soul to. But it felt so good, he couldn't have stopped even if he'd wanted to. So he told her his story, every gory detail, elaborating on how he didn't have any real friends, how he was unsure of how he arrived at this point in his life, and how he was afraid of what would become of him. She talked of how the simple action of walking by a group of smiling people made her heart ache, of how the relationships she'd had to date didn't mean anything, really. Of how she longed for just one person who understood her.
He understood her.
"Every night, I go home to an empty apartment. What kills me is-"
"The quiet," Rachel cut in.
"Yeah." He whispered. She grabbed his hand lightly with one of hers, and caressed the back of his palm with the other. He flinched at her touch, reminding them both of how unconventional the situation was no matter how right it felt.
She stood up clumsily. "I, um, should get going. Thank you, for everything." It was more than the inappropriateness of the situation that made her jump. It was the fear that her feelings would run away from her, and that this relationship (whatever it was) would end in heartbreak, just as all the others had.
He wanted to thank her, to tell her that she had been the one to help him, more than she could ever know. But he was still in shock of the surge of energy he'd felt when their hands touched, of the way his heart skipped a beat when she'd suddenly stood up. He didn't know what to say, so she continued: "And regardless of what I said before, you really did make me feel better."
"Rachel," he said, desperately.
"Mr. Schuester?" She stared at him, longing for something she couldn't explain.
"If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here," he said, finally.
"Thanks," she said. As she walked through the door to the choir room, she turned around, and he looked up.
"And, well... likewise," she said. They both smiled through sad eyes as she finally left him, both aware that the silence they felt now was nothing compared to what was coming.
~
Weeks passed. Will found he was happiest when Rachel was near him. He couldn't explain why, but her simple presence comforted him. Sometimes during class or glee rehearsals, she would give him a knowing smile, and he would return it.
He found himself thinking of her when things got rough. Mostly, it was a longing to talk to her. But he rarely would, in fear of sounding desperate, whiny, repetitive. Every so often, however, she would knock on the door to his office during lunch and they would talk about everything and nothing until the bell brought them back to reality.
They lost Regionals, but he couldn't help but be anything but proud of them. It was also becoming very apparent just how corrupted the judging system was. And when Sue informed him that they had another year, he thought only of the time he would be spending with the kids, his kids.
And then there was Rachel. When she sang to him in the auditorium, 'To Sir, With Love', he couldn't help but think - he couldn't help but hope - that the song had a different meaning to her than it did to the rest of them. When he let them know that they had another year, Rachel was the last one to hug him, resting lightly on his knee as she did so. Will was unsure whether she'd been the one to linger, or if he held her so tight that she had no choice. But the brush of her cheek against his own was enough to send a surge of energy through his body, causing his heart to start pounding. This, he was sure she'd noticed; she rested her fingertips over his heart when she pulled away, her eyes wide with wonder. He tried to maintain eye contact, but she averted her gaze to see that the rest of the group had cleared the room.
"I-" she choked out, placing her hand on his cheek.
"What is it?"
"I... I will see you tomorrow, Mr. Schuester." She said. She twirled one of his blonde curls around her forefinger quickly before running out of the auditorium. Will brushed his fingers over the spot where Rachel had touched him - an unsuccessful attempt at removing the impact she'd always seemed to have on him.
~
The last day of school came around. Hardly anyone chose to show up, but there was one student he knew would be there. She stopped by to visit him during first period, but when she saw that there were a few students in the class, she gave him a look that said 'I'll be back.' He found himself watching the door, flinching every time he heard someone walking down the hall. This continued until lunchtime when she knocked at his door with a shy "hello".
"Rachel! Come in," he said, jumping to his feet. She closed the door behind her.
"How have you been?" she asked.
"Better, you?"
"Same," she replied.
He scratched the back of his head, nervously. "So...Any plans for the summer?"
"Yes, I am enrolled in a theater camp," she said. "And you?"
"I'm teaching summer school. Spanish. Anything to..."
"Distract you. I get it."
"Rachel," he started, taking a step towards her.
"Mr. Schuester -"
"Will," he interrupted.
"Will... Mr. Schuester, please," she whispered, looking at her feet.
"What are you so afraid of?" He asked, grabbing her hands.
"You're my teacher..." she lied, pushing him away.
"It didn't stop you before." He didn't understand
"I am always the one to put myself out there. And I am always the one to get hurt," she mumbled.
"Oh, Rach.." he said, pulling her in for a hug, "This time is so different."
"Why? Because now you aren't totally creeped out by me?"
"No, because this time, I think I'm falling in lo-"
Rachel stepped back, tears stinging at her eyes. She had known something was coming. Maybe not something this big, but William Schuester had been on her mind for months, and he certainly wasn't very good at hiding his emotions around her.
"No, you're not," she said, finally.
"What?"
"And even if you are, well...you will get to know me better and change your mind. Everyone always does. And I don't know what I'll do if that happens..." Rachel buried her face in her shoulder, embarrassed and terrified and completely overjoyed, and she couldn't help but pray that the tears threatening to break free would not bring her makeup with them.
Will was amazed. "That won't happen with me. Rachel, I know you, though I have never met someone so confusing in my entire life," he smiled, "you are smart and talented and absolutely gorgeous, mature, a perfectionist...which doesn't always have to be a bad thing," he joked, afraid to touch her again. "I'm not a pathetic high-school boy. I don't see you just for your body. You're my best friend. And I don't know what I would do without you."
She remained silent.
"And you are so driven. You always follow your heart. Which is why I am so surprised that you are shying away from me, Rachel. Did I do something?"
The bell rang, and they both became suddenly aware of where they were. Rachel looked around, at the verb conjugation posters on the walls, at his desk, and at the door, underneath which she could see the shadows of people passing by. But she could feel that his eyes were still on her, anticipating a response.
The second she felt the first tear fall, she was out the door.
~
Will wasn't the type to cry. But he did. The second he walked in the door, he broke down. He urged himself to stop at first; told himself he was still tender from the divorce; that crying didn't accomplish anything; that it was for the better; that being with her was illegal. But the more he thought about it, the worse he felt.
He ended up on his balcony watching the rain, smiling only at the thought of how cliched the pathetic fallacy was. And yet, there was the weather, emulating his mood perfectly.
~
Rachel tried unsuccessfully to distract herself. As proud as she was that she she didn't give in back at the school, she knew it wasn't over.
It was 1:14am when she knocked on his door.
Will was in his pajamas, which tonight, was a pair of boxers and a gray t-shirt. Rachel was wearing a pair of pink shorts and a white tank top, both of which were completely soaked. "I'm not allowed to drive after midnight," she explained as he eyed her apparel.
Still in shock and unsure of why she was there, he had no idea what to say. Rachel was glad of this, as she intended to do all the talking.
"You said that if I ever needed someone to talk to, I could go to you." She stated plainly. "I'm sorry, about earlier. I was scared. I'm still scared. But if you've been thinking about our conversation earlier as much as I have" - Will smiled at the obviousness of the statement - "then I, I..." She paused, staring at her hands. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing here. I just had to make things right, somehow."
"That's why you're here? To make things right?" He asked, disappointment written on his face.
"Yes. No. I don't know."
"Tell me what has been going through your mind all night," he pleaded, a mere ounce of hope that she wasn't in the front hall of his apartment just to apologize.
"You. Your...confession," she blushed. "How cruel I was. And the reasons why I am holding back. You really do know me. That's what scares me. All my life I have learned from experience that no one likes me for me. And now, you are telling me that you do. Not only do I find that incredibly hard to believe, but even if it were true-"
"It is," he assured her.
"-it wouldn't matter because we can never be together. You said you were surprised that I kept shying away from you. Shouldn't you have been doing the same thing? I told myself I wasn't going to fall for you. That I wouldn't let myself. But sometimes I would get caught up in the moment and forget. I let things happen that shouldn't have happened. And even if the circumstances were different - if this thing between us was acceptable - I would still be scared. That I would get too annoying or clingy or bossy and that you'd leave me." She looked away, ashamed of what she was confessing.
"Rachel," he began, closing the gap between them. He knew now, that she wanted him. That she was damaged, not only from the time he rejected her, but from every time she'd ever put herself on the line. Her eyes were full of anticipation as they met his. "There is something I think you should try." She eyed him suspiciously; this is not at all the reaction she'd expected. "Stop thinking. Just once, stop over-thinking everything."
"But-" Before she could answer, he'd stolen a kiss, one hand on her back pulling her closer to him, and the other intertwined with her own. She pulled away slightly at first. But when his eyes reminded her of what he'd just instructed her to do, she knew her heart was pounding for a reason other than fear; she succumbed to the kiss and deepened it.
"I love you," she whispered between breaths. She felt his lips smile against hers as he returned the sentiment. "I tried to fight it, but I do."
Will was speechless.
"I told you what I've been thinking all night. I want to hear what's been on your mind." She stepped back and he pouted, not wanting to let her go. "Have you been crying?" she asked, only now noticing that his eyes were red and a little puffy.
"Ok, I will tell you what I have been thinking," he said, dodging her question. "But first, let's get you out of those clothes."
"Oh my gosh, you have!" She made a face as if to say 'Aw' but stepped forward and kissed his cheek, both parties still smiling at the contact they'd craved for so long.
After she changed, he sat on the sofa and she curled up against him as she listened, completely in awe of the fact that someone, anyone, could feel that way towards her. She'd been taught her whole life that it wasn't possible.
While he talked, they had shifted so that they were both lying down, his arms around her.
"I can't believe you cried," she teased him, half asleep.
"You can't believe I cried? I barely cried over my divorce," he said quietly. "Will you stay?"
"Mmm," was the only answer he received, but it was enough. He took his own advice to stop thinking. Deep down, he knew this wouldn't last forever; her parents would come home, school would start up again, and everything would become much more complicated. But for now, he shut out his thoughts and fell asleep to the sound of her steady breathing and the rhythm of his heart.
~
Thank you so much for reading, hope you liked it, and comments are love, as always <3.