And the week was going so well too
This week has been mostly good. The wether has picked up, it's been several days straight of those perfect blue cloudless days with hot weather and light breezes so that you don't feel too hot. It's been lovely really. On top of that I've been actually invited to things lately during the day. Usually I spend my days hibernating in my room, occassionally making excursions for food. Not so lately. One day I was found by my friends sitting under a tree on a whim to write a paper. They walked out of a door. I was invited to come with them to a white wall near a broad flat piece of concrete. It was supposed to be used for tennis, and sometimes we are kicked off by a tennis player who wanted to practice. But overall it is very idyllic. We lounge there in the warm sun for hours, talk about whatever comes to mind, listen to people play guitar and occasionally play volleyball. It's all very idyllic.
How strange that admist this idyllis day such dark happenings would come at night. Basically me and my roommate are an odd pair. We don't admit to being close, but I am essentially a private psychologist for both her and her boyfriend(though never both at the same time. But as soon as the other leaves the room they start pouring their life secrets to me as if on cue.). I know that she has been depressed, she has had suicide attempts in the past and has recently returned to cutting after several months of quitting thanks to stress. I also know that she doesn't take drugs too seriously. She thinks nothing of taking a bunch of medical pills to try and make the pain go away faster. So I come home from class at around 10:30 pm and her boyfriend turned to me, pissed off, and says "Guess what Alli did? She took a handful of Advil." She doesn't take it seriously, but fights with him when he forcibly takes her drugs away and throws them down the trash chute. He keeps telling her to puke them up in a very forcible manner. He then drags her away. About ten minutes later he texts me "Hey, can you watch after Alli if I have to leave for whatever reason?" I freak out. We've had one drug related incident with her, she took Imitrex and had tingliness in her limbs. They refused to call an ambulance despite the fact that is the one step before a heart attack and I had to stay up all night worrying about whether my roommate was going to die or not and not being allowed to do anything. So it seemed perfectly reasonable to send out three texts to inquire what to do if someone, hypothetically, took far too many Advil in one sitting(I swear I must've used the word hypothetically at least 10 times in that text) to people in the house that I know can keep their mouths shut. One of those people I forgot was also my RA, which is very easy to do since she is basically adopted as one of us. I had a feeling she couldn't just give me a number to call or something. I had feeling that she would have to bring people in, but I contacted her anyway. I got some useful answers. One person told me to have her eat bread and crackers and such to absorb the drugs. She and her roommate went on the internet and informed me that puking only works if it is less than an hour after ingestion. The other non RA person kept asking me questions, intelligent ones like "How many pills?" or "Do they feel nauseous, hypothetically?" The RA friend came to my room. She called the ambulance, which came with the police. This entire situation evolved into a catastrophe quickly, as there is really very little to do around here and an assumed attempt at suicide can become a sideshow. There were 6 college officials and at least three police officers, one of which was a Lieutenant.
I don't know exactly how many, I only know a few because I was dragged around to talk to them. I was upstairs in my room having a private little freak out. Normally I freak out about things in my head, but occasionally I go into incidents where they physcially manifest themselves in twitchiness. The RA called the other people who I texted and tried to get them to calm me down since I couldn't cover up the twitchiness.(you know, twisting rings very quickly over my fingers, running my hands quickly through my hair and such.) This made the situation a lot worse since I knew that I was on a downward slope and I couldn't contain it. So I basically rambled at them for about an hour with intermittant tears about suicide and death and how I was a traitor for notifying the authorities. They got it, but for psych. people they get very little about alternate psychology. They didn't get how telling the authorities might be a bad thing, how it might increase the stress for an unstable person. They just saw it as a good thing. I'm really quite grateful to them to coming to my aid though. I mean it did make things worse( and by my terms of worse I mean that I couldn't stop me from shedding a few tears and that they saw me in a freak out, they actually did help a bit with my guilt...which is not saying much since I have a martyr complex like a bitch) since once people see me break it's just speeds up the decaying process, but I'm glad to know they care. They actually gained a bit of respect for me since I was so controlled and logical about things, even admist a freak out. Funny how strength is only admired when you begin not to have it, eh? Luckily I got out of there before things got too bad. I fled, essentially and ended up lying on a rock in the middle of the campus with a can of mace in my hand staring up at a tree and talking in manner which any disorganized schizophrenic would be envious of. I spoke in a near constant stream for about 40 minutes or a half hour, I can't remember the time. Talking to myself helps, not as much as writing by a long shot but when my thoughts are scattered and chaotic they are the best thing. The fact that the rock was cold and nobody else was around also helped ground me.The entire time people were texting me, trying to make sure I was okay. I don't know why they did that, not like I was the one who was suspected of trying to committ suicide. I shouldn't have any trauma, all I did was send a text. I swear I got more people asking if I was okay then my roommate did by a long shot.
And now she's lying to the psych. people they are sending her to. Her boyfriend and her don't trust the police....I don't blame them. I can understand the "talking to the cops is being a snitch." type mindset even though I will one day hopefully work for the cops. At least they're taking their anger and frustrations out on the officials and not me. I'm surprised they forgave me for being an idiot and talking, I probably wouldn't have forgiven myself. But they have, though I don't know how honest they are being when they say that. They may just be trying to make me not feel awkward and lying to me. They have to keep seeing psychologists to live here, which they don't like. And I don't like that they're being forced to, especially since it's my fault and it really doesn't work if you don't want to work with it.
And now for a meme to lighten the mood.
My Personality
Neuroticism
6
Extraversion
9
Openness to Experience
83
Agreeableness
29
Conscientiousness
62
You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you are not generally self conscious about yourself. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.
Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.
The best Buying Pet Gifts.
How strange that admist this idyllis day such dark happenings would come at night. Basically me and my roommate are an odd pair. We don't admit to being close, but I am essentially a private psychologist for both her and her boyfriend(though never both at the same time. But as soon as the other leaves the room they start pouring their life secrets to me as if on cue.). I know that she has been depressed, she has had suicide attempts in the past and has recently returned to cutting after several months of quitting thanks to stress. I also know that she doesn't take drugs too seriously. She thinks nothing of taking a bunch of medical pills to try and make the pain go away faster. So I come home from class at around 10:30 pm and her boyfriend turned to me, pissed off, and says "Guess what Alli did? She took a handful of Advil." She doesn't take it seriously, but fights with him when he forcibly takes her drugs away and throws them down the trash chute. He keeps telling her to puke them up in a very forcible manner. He then drags her away. About ten minutes later he texts me "Hey, can you watch after Alli if I have to leave for whatever reason?" I freak out. We've had one drug related incident with her, she took Imitrex and had tingliness in her limbs. They refused to call an ambulance despite the fact that is the one step before a heart attack and I had to stay up all night worrying about whether my roommate was going to die or not and not being allowed to do anything. So it seemed perfectly reasonable to send out three texts to inquire what to do if someone, hypothetically, took far too many Advil in one sitting(I swear I must've used the word hypothetically at least 10 times in that text) to people in the house that I know can keep their mouths shut. One of those people I forgot was also my RA, which is very easy to do since she is basically adopted as one of us. I had a feeling she couldn't just give me a number to call or something. I had feeling that she would have to bring people in, but I contacted her anyway. I got some useful answers. One person told me to have her eat bread and crackers and such to absorb the drugs. She and her roommate went on the internet and informed me that puking only works if it is less than an hour after ingestion. The other non RA person kept asking me questions, intelligent ones like "How many pills?" or "Do they feel nauseous, hypothetically?" The RA friend came to my room. She called the ambulance, which came with the police. This entire situation evolved into a catastrophe quickly, as there is really very little to do around here and an assumed attempt at suicide can become a sideshow. There were 6 college officials and at least three police officers, one of which was a Lieutenant.
I don't know exactly how many, I only know a few because I was dragged around to talk to them. I was upstairs in my room having a private little freak out. Normally I freak out about things in my head, but occasionally I go into incidents where they physcially manifest themselves in twitchiness. The RA called the other people who I texted and tried to get them to calm me down since I couldn't cover up the twitchiness.(you know, twisting rings very quickly over my fingers, running my hands quickly through my hair and such.) This made the situation a lot worse since I knew that I was on a downward slope and I couldn't contain it. So I basically rambled at them for about an hour with intermittant tears about suicide and death and how I was a traitor for notifying the authorities. They got it, but for psych. people they get very little about alternate psychology. They didn't get how telling the authorities might be a bad thing, how it might increase the stress for an unstable person. They just saw it as a good thing. I'm really quite grateful to them to coming to my aid though. I mean it did make things worse( and by my terms of worse I mean that I couldn't stop me from shedding a few tears and that they saw me in a freak out, they actually did help a bit with my guilt...which is not saying much since I have a martyr complex like a bitch) since once people see me break it's just speeds up the decaying process, but I'm glad to know they care. They actually gained a bit of respect for me since I was so controlled and logical about things, even admist a freak out. Funny how strength is only admired when you begin not to have it, eh? Luckily I got out of there before things got too bad. I fled, essentially and ended up lying on a rock in the middle of the campus with a can of mace in my hand staring up at a tree and talking in manner which any disorganized schizophrenic would be envious of. I spoke in a near constant stream for about 40 minutes or a half hour, I can't remember the time. Talking to myself helps, not as much as writing by a long shot but when my thoughts are scattered and chaotic they are the best thing. The fact that the rock was cold and nobody else was around also helped ground me.The entire time people were texting me, trying to make sure I was okay. I don't know why they did that, not like I was the one who was suspected of trying to committ suicide. I shouldn't have any trauma, all I did was send a text. I swear I got more people asking if I was okay then my roommate did by a long shot.
And now she's lying to the psych. people they are sending her to. Her boyfriend and her don't trust the police....I don't blame them. I can understand the "talking to the cops is being a snitch." type mindset even though I will one day hopefully work for the cops. At least they're taking their anger and frustrations out on the officials and not me. I'm surprised they forgave me for being an idiot and talking, I probably wouldn't have forgiven myself. But they have, though I don't know how honest they are being when they say that. They may just be trying to make me not feel awkward and lying to me. They have to keep seeing psychologists to live here, which they don't like. And I don't like that they're being forced to, especially since it's my fault and it really doesn't work if you don't want to work with it.
And now for a meme to lighten the mood.
My Personality
Neuroticism
6
Extraversion
9
Openness to Experience
83
Agreeableness
29
Conscientiousness
62
You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you are not generally self conscious about yourself. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.
Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.
The best Buying Pet Gifts.