(no subject)
There was a howling rainstorm last night and I kept the windows open to let the dark humidity blow across my neck, arms and legs, and I sat at my laptop gulping in the warm night. The tarp of our neighbor's jacuzzi sounded amplified like the rain was clattering over a real rainforest, in symphony with a block full of chaotic wind chimes. The ferocious crying spree left me fevered and achy but refreshed. I was not able to concentrate until I screamed enough and released the monster of my mind into the music I was listening to and the short story I was writing. I felt crazy and drugged, and when it was over, I had cranked out a whole 8 pages. I sat there, relaxed, and fell asleep to the rain...
I sometimes set my alarm clock for the early morning pretending I have someplace to actually go, so I woke up at 6:30....realized I had nowhere to go and went back to sleep.
I jogged again this morning, just over to the park and back. I felt foolish wearing a headset and hat like some rich housewife. but it was too sunny, and when it's too bright my forehead hurts from squinting. And when Im jogging I have to have music to distract me from thinking everyone is watching me.. because in my sick head..everyone is ALWAYS watching me. My breath vaporised in the air, I was done with the jog and I stretched my calves on the driveway. I've been thinking too hard about my life. Its very stressful. Im doing nothing with my life and I feel stressed. Imagine how bad it would be if I had a job and a family or something? I would fall apart.
One day it'll be better..One day...
I sometimes set my alarm clock for the early morning pretending I have someplace to actually go, so I woke up at 6:30....realized I had nowhere to go and went back to sleep.
I jogged again this morning, just over to the park and back. I felt foolish wearing a headset and hat like some rich housewife. but it was too sunny, and when it's too bright my forehead hurts from squinting. And when Im jogging I have to have music to distract me from thinking everyone is watching me.. because in my sick head..everyone is ALWAYS watching me. My breath vaporised in the air, I was done with the jog and I stretched my calves on the driveway. I've been thinking too hard about my life. Its very stressful. Im doing nothing with my life and I feel stressed. Imagine how bad it would be if I had a job and a family or something? I would fall apart.
One day it'll be better..One day...