interesting
i had a kind of scary dream last night. actually, it was this morning. it was between 11, when i went back to sleep after waking up for a little while, and 12, when i woke up for good. i didn't even realize that was enough time to have a dream in. but anyway, my dream happened in one of those big castle-ish halls, like in the Legend of Zelda or something. i guess it was more of a church, actually, because i was standing in an aisle between rows and rows of pews, and i got handed this sword that was totally sweet-looking, and it was supposed to be the most powerful sword ever or something, and i just whipped it around my head and took out a huge crowd of people in the seats to my right, and everyone was like, "wow," and the people just disappeared. it was like i didn't have to use any effort at all at first, just swinging this big sword around a few more times and killing huge groups of people. but then i started having to swing it harder to take out people, and i'd have to hit people with it a couple of times. i guess the blade was getting dull or something, but after a while i realized that i wasn't killing anyone with my sword anymore. and i actually looked at the people i was hitting, and realized that my giant blade swinging across their necks was only cutting their throats, not making them just disappear in a flash. it started really worrying me for some reason, but then i took out another sword that was supposed to be almost as powerful as the first one, and it worked perfectly for a second, then did the same thing as the other sword. then i started seeing the looks on the faces of the people i was swinging my sword at, seeing the fear in their eyes and the grimaces on their faces as i dragged my blade across their necks, only making a narrow slit on their throats, like an enormous paper-cut. then i got another sword, hoping that it would end the torture i was going through having to look at my tortured victims. then with this sword, which worked no better than the one i had just traded out, i actually saw faces i recognized; Jesse, Bryan Channas, my mother, my Aunt Kelly, Chris...it was terrible, but i couldn't bring myself to stop even after wondering how many more of the people that matter to me i'd killed or hurt. then i swung this third and weakest sword and saw Jesse's head tilt back and tense up as i dragged the heavy blade across his neck and saw the thin trail the sword had made across his throat and felt the same sting he must have been feeling on my own throat and then i woke up.
it was, in one way, kind of like that movie that i never saw and can't remember the name of, where the whole catch phrase is something like what if you had an enormously strong power, but the more you used it, the weaker it got. except i only used this power i had for evil, and the weaker it got, the worse i felt about using it, like how living forever in horrible pain is worse than dying. if it ever comes down to it, i want to be euthanized.
it was, in one way, kind of like that movie that i never saw and can't remember the name of, where the whole catch phrase is something like what if you had an enormously strong power, but the more you used it, the weaker it got. except i only used this power i had for evil, and the weaker it got, the worse i felt about using it, like how living forever in horrible pain is worse than dying. if it ever comes down to it, i want to be euthanized.