May 17, 2009 23:50
In this moment, you find yourself thinking... thinking that one day you'll wake up to find a new meaning to life. Yet, then, you see that the clouds that have made your mind dull have coincided with your ambitions to make you something you wish you weren't. And then you meander in the nightshade. And you wait. And then you open your eyelids and see the light for what it truly is! AND THEN YOU ARE A BEAM OF LIGHT YOURSELF. When I woke up this morning, I hated myself. And as I go to bed tonight, I will probably still. Yet right now, I will never bask in the sunlight pretending that I am no longer ailed by my depression, no longer hurt by my fears, no longer hated by my kin, no longer taken to be a fool. No. Tonight... tonight I will be consumed by darkness, relieved by the wilderness, made to be one with the "One" within that constantly compels me to do the right thing.
Every now and then I think to myself that maybe I was on the right path back in the day, that perhaps I was WRONG to do the things I have done. And now, I think to myself, I HAVE GONE TOO FAR. I have pursued the life of a mongrel. The path of the failed specimen, the hell of the unemployed, the disavowed, the disapproved, the self broken, Hell bent "Never-Can, Never-will" type of attitude you only see in books and never hear of in real life unless it constitutes the use of suicide or other means of self destructive actions bestowed upon the likes of this. I am never the one you wish you were, I am, however, the one your parents warned you about. Told you to, "Not be like him, for he will, being as good as he is right now, lure you into the devil's work." That is where you do not want to be, in the Devil's work. He is evil, as I may figure myself to be.
Get back, Satan, For you will ail me no more.
I hate you, Satan, for you will ail me no more.