.Please Send Me Negative Generator.
Positively, I’m full of ions.
Every burned out neurotransmitter laughing hysterically as they fly around in my bleeding skull case.
They’re sick of the sadness.
Mad with grief.
Saturated by your lies.
Confused to hell…
Fuck.
Was everything you ever told me a lie?
Dates and times come to pass, and they don’t match up.
Places have been substituted in stories that you’ve forgotten you’ve told a million times.
I can’t remember the last ounce of truth you’ve given me.
You sloppily admitted to today’s lie in front me and your best friend.
Every little movement or reaction or word toward me…
Mixed with dirt.
I want to sleep without my stomach feeling like it’s full of sand and rocks and hate and fear.
I can’t stay awake every night trying to make out what you’re saying in your sleep because it could be a clue to something awful you’ve done.
Waiting for your return, everyday, is like trying to force myself out of sleep paralysis during the most fucked up nightmare.
I want to sleep through it and die in that terror, or not be there at all.
Let me explain,
I want to wait for you happily;
And that I’d rather you home,
than out at that place.
Funny how her name was circled with a note that said “Ana’s Birthday” on some random calendar.
Before you even mentioned her today, I dreamt about her…
About you and her.
And that appalling picture on your computer screen…
That’s why I walked away so quickly when you identified her as your friend.
The coincidence was frightening.