.I Wish You Could Promise Me.

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To observe the smoke swirl;
Pondering, doubting, hating, and a reminder to breathe.
Being reminded to forget.
Cigarettes provide an escape.

When one and all leaves me simmering in utter perplexity,

I know that no one has an answer.

How to tell them:

I’m running again,

That I am weak,

That I’m reaching toward an idle promise.

That they wasted their time on me.

That they have to start over because I’m still a little girl.

I’m stuffing my dreams in the trunk of my car,

While my passions beg me to change my mind.

I tranquilize them with my unyielding decision,

Turn up the radio to drown out their cries.

Taking that cargo with me back home.

Bruising with every knock in the road;

Becoming violet, then yellow with loss,

With age.

I want him more than that cargo,

And I flee to him with great risk of my journey being for nothing.

I go back to him with blind faith that he’s ready for me.

For the magnitude of how I used to love him and always will.

I’m ignoring truth, past, and pattern to indulge in hope.

Reversing everything thing I’ve learned and have been pained by before.

Austin city limits has everything in the world to offer me,

To flourish, to succeed, to love,

Everything but him.