(no subject)
I dont know what to do, Im confused. Hes said such hateful things to me. He said it was my fault I got raped. I wasnt strong enough to stop it. He says I deserve it for being weak. He says I need to sort my life out. Hes said things that bring me to tears. And for that I hate him. But the worst part it? I cant hate him. No matter how many times I tell my self I do, that I want him to die, its all a lie. Even after everything hes said, I still love him. How pathetic is that? I'm in love with the person who broke my heart and said things to me that made me cry. But I cant help it. I love him. I wish I didnt but I do. But I cant help but wonder if he ever loved me. When I told him about the rape, he was there for me, he supported me, and he said he loved me and would wait till I was ready. But now he's saying that its my fault, and I should have been able to stop it. He has to have been lying, but which time? I want to think he only said what he said to hurt me, and he doesnt really think its my fault. But I cant help but wonder if he was lying all along. Mabye thats why he broke up with me.He wasnt getting laid. Mabye he was lying about waiting for me, mabye thats all he wanted. Mabye I am just a worthless whore...