I'm Alive!!!!
I think this is the longest I've ever not posted something!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm starting college next week and Lucy is going there as well so Im really happy :) Even though we arnt in any classes together we'll still see each other around campus :) and I'm studying Religion, Philosiphy, Sociology and Drama and Theatre Studies :)
So hows my lfe been so far? Well...........................
There has been good and bad things in it, so we'll start from the top :)
The negative:
My biological father who abandoned me 16 years ago and denied me as his daughter tried to get in touch with me recently :( He lied to me and claimed never to do this, and also lied about even being in the country and tried to make it seem like he only stayed away becaue my mum wanted him to and tried to make her seem like the bad guy, so I'm not forgiving him and as far as I'm concerned he is never going to be a part of my life, I have a father and its not him.
For the past few weeks I've been wondering if Im normal. I think about thinks that would severly upset a normal person if they thought it, yet I'm completly at ease with it. Im not suicidal but Im confortable with the thought of dying. I dont hate my life but I wouldnt care if it ended, at thats just the start of things. Im not depressed, and Im enjoying my life but I dont care how or when I die, it doesnt scare me. Its not just death though, there are alot of things that pass through my mind, that dont bother or scare me but would scare a normal person. I'll admit I'm paranoied, to the point where I feel like every picture is watching me, laughing at me when I turn around. Thats weird isnt it?
The Posative:
LUCY CHRISTINA GUYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is the best friend I've ever had and no matter what she is there for me so if, and when, you read this Lucy, I just want you to know something:
You really are special to me. When we first met I was so happy that you didnt think I was weird, and ended up being like me in that respect. I love it when we hang out because I can be myself around you, I dont have to hide who I am, I can just be me and its a relife. I can tell you things that I'd never even dream of telling other people, and you listen. I can be emotional around you and it doesn't matter because I know if I fall you're the one that will always be there to pick me up. I know you hate crying but I'm happy that you trust me enough and love me enough to let me see the vunerable side of you that just needs someone to hug you and tell you its gonna be okay, and I will glady be there for you, day or night, to do that. I know we were both scared that saying goodbye to high school was saying goodbye to use but I know it isnt. Even now whilst Im typing this we are making plans to hang out. You can make me smile through the tears and breath though the pain, and you have no idea how much I appriciate you for that. No matter what life throws at us, who we meet at college, or where we end up in life, I want you to know you hold a special place in my heart that nobody else in this universe could fill. You are truely the best friend Ive ever had and I love you.
So there you go, Ive had my sentimental moment, and all thats left for me to say is, I'll write soon and hopefully keep posting :)
Write soon xxx