Letter to Mr. Dikko
So, with much thought and deliberation, I've decided to write back to Mr. Dikko. Here is what I've composed. Should I send it? He's promised me a generous sum of money and I really feel like I can trust him. He seems like a fair man, incapable of lying through email. Let me know what you think.
EDITED TO ASK MR. DIKKO IF HE WILL TAKE A BRIDE
Mr. Dikko:
Your offer was intriguing. How flattered was I to learn that, out of millions upon millions of Yahoo! users, you chose my alias "smiley7654" from when I was in seventh grade! Wow, even then I must have broadcast a sense of maturity and responsibility. All my therapists were wrong. Wait until I tell them that a banker in Ougadougou trusts me above everyone else on the planet as the sole receptor of the American equivalent of one year's salary. Won't they be red in the face!
Additionally, I was shocked to hear that Mr. Yuan-dong had passed in a "gassy car accident." This saddened me greatly, especially since I couldn't recall ever hearing of a Chinese relative - let alone hope to pronounce his name. But I guess, according to what is clearly exhaustive genealogical research on your part, I have some Chinese blood in me! Maybe the good folks at Great Hunan's will give me a discount the next time I eat there, if I only tell them that I'm "one of them." I will get free egg rolls for life!
Mr. Dikko, I also wish to bring up a "proposition" - excuse the pun. Since you will be receiving 60% of the money, and I will be receiving 40%, wouldn't it be much more beneficial if we got married and then we could share the money? Just imagine the homes we could buy for $9.8 million dollars! Why, we could put wood panelling on our double-wide trailer and put a singing-fish-on-a-plaque in every room - that's right, both of them, including the bathroom! Let me know if you are indeed interested in taking a bride.
I was also heartened by your assurance that this is "100% legitimate." Those odds are good enough for me! This means that there is no risk whatsoever and that I should send you all of my credit information immediately. Since you are such a trusting person, I should be able to mimic such an attitude and trust you as well. Soon I will send you along my account number and password, because this will allow you the most convenient access. When you open my account, do not be alarmed by the red numbers - I just bought shoes last week and this has caused me to be in debt several thousand dollars. But I doubt that matters. The money you promised me will more than make up for it, and then I can buy several more pairs of shoes, and maybe a tiny dog. I can't wait!
Thank you for a wonderful opportunity!
~ Melissa Relbik
(See, what I did there - is flip around my last name. Wow, I'm so clever.)
EDITED TO ASK MR. DIKKO IF HE WILL TAKE A BRIDE
Mr. Dikko:
Your offer was intriguing. How flattered was I to learn that, out of millions upon millions of Yahoo! users, you chose my alias "smiley7654" from when I was in seventh grade! Wow, even then I must have broadcast a sense of maturity and responsibility. All my therapists were wrong. Wait until I tell them that a banker in Ougadougou trusts me above everyone else on the planet as the sole receptor of the American equivalent of one year's salary. Won't they be red in the face!
Additionally, I was shocked to hear that Mr. Yuan-dong had passed in a "gassy car accident." This saddened me greatly, especially since I couldn't recall ever hearing of a Chinese relative - let alone hope to pronounce his name. But I guess, according to what is clearly exhaustive genealogical research on your part, I have some Chinese blood in me! Maybe the good folks at Great Hunan's will give me a discount the next time I eat there, if I only tell them that I'm "one of them." I will get free egg rolls for life!
Mr. Dikko, I also wish to bring up a "proposition" - excuse the pun. Since you will be receiving 60% of the money, and I will be receiving 40%, wouldn't it be much more beneficial if we got married and then we could share the money? Just imagine the homes we could buy for $9.8 million dollars! Why, we could put wood panelling on our double-wide trailer and put a singing-fish-on-a-plaque in every room - that's right, both of them, including the bathroom! Let me know if you are indeed interested in taking a bride.
I was also heartened by your assurance that this is "100% legitimate." Those odds are good enough for me! This means that there is no risk whatsoever and that I should send you all of my credit information immediately. Since you are such a trusting person, I should be able to mimic such an attitude and trust you as well. Soon I will send you along my account number and password, because this will allow you the most convenient access. When you open my account, do not be alarmed by the red numbers - I just bought shoes last week and this has caused me to be in debt several thousand dollars. But I doubt that matters. The money you promised me will more than make up for it, and then I can buy several more pairs of shoes, and maybe a tiny dog. I can't wait!
Thank you for a wonderful opportunity!
~ Melissa Relbik
(See, what I did there - is flip around my last name. Wow, I'm so clever.)