when i was shutting my eyes (brainspill)

[i_heart_meese]

the bags under my eyes aren't coming with me when i leave.
he said i looked jaded;
i said i was tired and fixated on every bad idea i have ever had.
i am Schrödinger's cat.
nobody knows whether or not i am alive on the inside
because i haven't told them yet.
i am the rocks in the pocket of every bridge jumper
and the blade in the hand of every cutter.
i am fake the same way their words are fake when they beg me to stay.
for every pierced ear on every girl on planet earth,
i can count another reason why i am not like them.
they say i just haven't found my place yet, but they don't know
i've had the map backwards my whole life and i'm lost
the way a shoe on the side of the highway is lost
nobody screamed when i asked the world to forget about me..
I wasn't hanging from a rope. I wasn't on a roof, and i wasn't packing heat.
nobody screamed when i was shutting my eyes.
i don't think i'll be missed in the way summer is missed in mid January.
I think I'll be missed in the same way a penny is missed
after it falls down a storm drain. briefly or not at all.
and i don't want them to know that i didn't cry last time i tried to die.
I didn't cry when my mom pretended i wasn't sad. I didn't cry.
i'm not sure when I stopped existing and
started haunting rooms in my apartment.
one day i just wasn't there anymore and nobody was looking for me.