make sure you bring confetti to my pity party
Weird night.
I actually got off work on time today and I had time to lay down before I helped Mom with dinner. I had a super horrible sleep last night. I just couldn't stay sleeping, and then I woke up before my alarm. I downed three cups of coffee with zero calorie sweetener and had a toaster pastry. Work was okay. Had more coffee. Sookie laid down with me when I came home.
I really want to leave right now. Just go for a walk downtown or something, or get Shane to take me to the store, but I have literally no money until tomorrow, so that'd be pointless. She won't go on a walk with me. That's all I want to do. I want to get out of here and go. I'd take my dog, but it's really dark and I hate walking by myself at night and I don't even know why, but I'm too scared to ask my friends if they want to go on a walk with me or something because I'm afraid they'll say no. I'm just being unnecessarily shitty about it, but wow, I just feel like everyone's mad at me for being so goddamn needy and annoying these past few days, but I can't help it. The only two people I really want to talk to right now aren't even in Nebraska. :(
I'm so mad and frustrated right now. I could punch something. I'm so serious. My air conditioner is on the power save intervals because it sounds like someone blowing spit into the top of eight glass bottles. I'd like to have it on constantly, but it's so fucking annoying, so it's just going to be hot in my room all goddamn motherfucking summer, and this shitty little whistle and whine thing is going to drive me up the wall, I swear to God.
I think that maybe I could watch a movie or marathon the entire first season of iZombie, but the thought of sitting still for another fucking minute makes me want to cry. I could take a shower, but then what? Then I could play Wii Sports and burn off all of this energy, but THEN WHAT? Then I could drive myself mad and vibrate out of my own skin and cry myself into a sad little coma because poor little Kasey is bored with these four walls. Fuck me, this is so unnecessary.
Part of this has a lot to do with triggers. Some girl on Instagram was talking about anxiety and self harm on her account, which is fine, but it triggered me for some stupid reason, but not like you'd think it would. I'm mostly just mad and frustrated and writing this entry is only making it worse, so I think I'm done for the night.
I actually got off work on time today and I had time to lay down before I helped Mom with dinner. I had a super horrible sleep last night. I just couldn't stay sleeping, and then I woke up before my alarm. I downed three cups of coffee with zero calorie sweetener and had a toaster pastry. Work was okay. Had more coffee. Sookie laid down with me when I came home.
I really want to leave right now. Just go for a walk downtown or something, or get Shane to take me to the store, but I have literally no money until tomorrow, so that'd be pointless. She won't go on a walk with me. That's all I want to do. I want to get out of here and go. I'd take my dog, but it's really dark and I hate walking by myself at night and I don't even know why, but I'm too scared to ask my friends if they want to go on a walk with me or something because I'm afraid they'll say no. I'm just being unnecessarily shitty about it, but wow, I just feel like everyone's mad at me for being so goddamn needy and annoying these past few days, but I can't help it. The only two people I really want to talk to right now aren't even in Nebraska. :(
I'm so mad and frustrated right now. I could punch something. I'm so serious. My air conditioner is on the power save intervals because it sounds like someone blowing spit into the top of eight glass bottles. I'd like to have it on constantly, but it's so fucking annoying, so it's just going to be hot in my room all goddamn motherfucking summer, and this shitty little whistle and whine thing is going to drive me up the wall, I swear to God.
I think that maybe I could watch a movie or marathon the entire first season of iZombie, but the thought of sitting still for another fucking minute makes me want to cry. I could take a shower, but then what? Then I could play Wii Sports and burn off all of this energy, but THEN WHAT? Then I could drive myself mad and vibrate out of my own skin and cry myself into a sad little coma because poor little Kasey is bored with these four walls. Fuck me, this is so unnecessary.
Part of this has a lot to do with triggers. Some girl on Instagram was talking about anxiety and self harm on her account, which is fine, but it triggered me for some stupid reason, but not like you'd think it would. I'm mostly just mad and frustrated and writing this entry is only making it worse, so I think I'm done for the night.