Some Poems.
Alone
11-20-12
Another dream in chemical sleep
She saw you stop the bleeding
After edges of glass and razor blades
You came in and everything fades
Just breathe in deeply
You said
And you said you had a deadline
You just wanted her to smile
Without hiding the red lines behind it
You showed her what it meant
To hold the same old happiness
And let go of the loneliness for good.
Then she woke up, her mind like an empty house
You remember that she no longer speaks with you
And she said goodbye.
You truly are alone.
Suicide Cars
11-29-12
We’re in a suicide car at the end of the world
The tides change, like a war to wage
Like crimson hands soaked in red paint
They never protested
Or at least that’s what you told yourself
And there’s no one that I hate more than myself
No one could ever save us all
As we sat lined up in detention hall
Backs to the wall
Because we had nowhere to go but home
I don’t know where home is, but I’ve always been here
And you’ve always been around
A ghostly shell, transparent and silent
Completely alone
We sit under water
Passing time by playing mind games
Like helium balloons you’re swaying
Ticking like a time bomb
Singing every blood red song
Stupidly waiting for the end to come
Like a bird with a broken wing
You never even had a chance
And it doesn’t matter anyway
Because life is just a stupid dance
Full of hopeless romances and a lack of balance
And we’ve both got more than two left feet
Just another heart attack waiting to happen
So fasten your seatbelt
Hold my hand one last time.
To crash would be to put down the pen
So darling, put down the pen--
Here’s To The Kids
12-31-12
Its taking you days to recover
To remember the words to get you by in the end
They all say that you don’t have it in you
Because you don’t have it in you
I swear I heard you say
“I can do this on my own.”
But we see your fingerprints on the light switch
A sign that says you don’t wish to be alone
So here’s to the kids
Who never made it out alive
And here’s to the girl with the bitter pills on her tongue
And here’s to the boy who stares down from the rooftop ledge
And here’s to the ones who still have a chance or two
So hold your head high, because dawn’s about to break
And nobody really knows of all the mistakes you will make
But there is no point in living a life full of regret
You’ll surely end up alone, my friend
I think it’s time we learned to forget.
Predictions
01-11-13
You wish to rest between graves of days
Today and yesterday
It’s a tick or two away from midnight.
And her eyes are as dark as the sky
You sit alone together, speaking words
And spinning webs with phrases
Skeletal fingers twisting delicate green blades of grass
You never want that smile to fade
And suddenly, every moment leads up to this
Just another reason to miss you
Another reason for one last kiss
Another sip from the bottle for luck
But you don’t understand why she even gives a fuck
About words on the pages
And paths through mind mazes
She was always just lines on paper
Until someone arrived and colored her in
When the flames leapt high
She took in the heat until she was nothing but vapor
She holds your hand
You take her in
You don’t know what she’s thinking about
She casts her eyes towards the sky
Traces constellations
Looking for a way out.
Lines
01-14-13
Crossing lines
one at a time
A mile a minute
Your hand in mine
We can keep this
Under lock and key
Where no one will notice
And no one will see
Where we keep our graves
Where we weren’t saved
From black and white nights
Where no one had braved
We have to stay awake
And we have to stay away
We have to make a break for it
Or we’ll never find another way
Through mazes
Like crystal gazes
We make our wy through minds
Like days
Drawn out in pen ink
You don’t really think
It’s fate driving you forward
Until you sink
Under pages and pages
Like war your friend wages
Don’t even blink
Your limbs are in cages.
Through The Dark
02-14-13
I just thought it was a dream
But it started splitting holes through the dark
Now you’re here with me
And I can’t tell what’s real
Because this is exactly where I want to be
Please tell me when we got this far
Because I must have closed my eyes along the way.
Trevor
May (exact date unknown)
Walking through town
Our shadows following us on the pavement
And words shared from the swings in the park
People all around us
But we felt apart from the world
And dashboard conversations
Starbucks in hand
Everything falls into place
Out in the open
Like it was always supposed to be this way.
Untitled
June 9th, 2013
It wasn’t a bang that tore us apart
There was no fade out
Or an abrupt finish
There was no real reason
We both just stopped
It was time that did us in
From sleepless nights together
To lonely nights apart
You were so close to me
We were the same person
And now that you aren’t here
Everything looks like you
And I hate myself for telling you to leave
Because you needed me
But everything you ever said felt like such a fucking lie
And I could feel myself changing into
Something that wasn’t compatible
And you hated me for it
What was I supposed to do
When hiding wasn’t an option?
Untitled
June 9th, 2013
How am I supposed to get this out when I can’t think straight?
I can’t think and I can't breathe and I can’t see what’s right in front of me.
Bright sides don’t cure anything, they only distract.
Don’t tell me to think happy thoughts.
Because you don’t understand.
Sickness that pills can’t cure
Sadness that best friends can’t take away
But take it away, this pressing weight, pressing in on my thoughts
Like anchors
Steal my caution so I can stare out at the sunset
Like the cat on the windowsill
Without feeling like it’s the end
I learned the hard way that caffeine isn’t a substitute for sleep.
A Day In The Life: Senior Year
June 9th, 2013
Alarm
Eyes open
Kick off the quilt
Jump out of bed
Greet the dogs
Bathroom.
Fix vertical hair
Coffee
Breakfast.
Clothes
Shirt, pants, jacket, shoes.
Make-up.
Red eyeliner for bloodshot eyes
School
Walk the halls
Locker
Combination 1-11-21
Textbook
Class
Sit down, back of the room
Eyes forward
Don’t fall asleep
Bell rings
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
End of day.
Home.
Coffee
Don’t fall asleep.
Social media.
So and so broke up.
No one cares.
Dinner
Shower
Bed
Repeat.