(no subject)
So...I might have a chance at leaving and moving into a house with a friend and pay more than reasonable rent and go to a great school and start a new life and have another chance at being happy. I have no hesitations about leaving except one. Her. I was dreading even telling her about it and I didn't know how to do it. But I talked to her last night for the first time in a few weeks and I told her. It wasn't exactly smooth. I upset her and ended up feeling worse. I explained everything and I think she seemed to understand why I was thinking of doing this. But now I have a decision to make. Should I stay and try to make things work even though all my past attempts have failed? Or should I leave and start all over and see where that takes me? And what am I gaining if I stay or if I go? Is it worth it? And the biggest dilema...her. Anytime I think about leaving and leaving her behind....well, I'll just say it does me no good. I hate the mere thought of it. She's everything to me. Besides these past few weeks she's always been there for me. To listen, to give any advice, or make me laugh. She's the only reason I haven't just picked up and left already. But is just our friendship enough anymore? Is it worth it? I know she is, that's not what I'm asking. Believe me, if we were together, the thought of me leaving would cease to exist. But what's driving me crazy is that I don't know if our friendship is enough for me to stay. And if I move i'll never let our friendship die. I'd come back to visit her and still call her and text her. It's not like we see each other that often anyways. So...nothing should change right? Yeah...in theory. But there's just something about being 4 hours away from the person who means the world to you and being 20 minutes away, you know? Now I get to spend the next couple weeks racking my brain about this.
Can't someone just tell me what would be best?