(no subject)
hola! it's 6.30 AM and shit, rawr. thank GOD I'm not tired! because jesus christ, if I was, I'd probaby be writing in my livejournal. fuck. I hate life though :-/ nothing ever works out for me, EVER. I keep having dreams I fuck shit up, and I'm constantly afraid it will happen. like last night I dreamt I was late for work by over a half hour. it was so fucked up. I went home and couldn't find my shoes/belt/pants/ anything so like, I had a few friends from work pick me up while they were still working and then I had to wait longer to find everything kuz I couldn't go to work without pants and then they brought 2 other cars so there were 3 cars outside my house waiting to take me to work. it was fucked up. and then we saw like 3 football players with like 9 cheerleaders and I wanted to see who they were so I went near them and got stuck in a tree on the ground and then a guy I work with, Rob, came in a fucking horse and buggy rofl. and then yeah. well actually I just realized what that dream means. it means I will get NOTHING out of life and how dead I am inside if I can't even clothe myself in a DREAM. how fucking pathetic is that. jesus christ. well whatever, I'm gonna go cut myself, this time just to wake me up, I'm not TOO sad right now that I want to cut because I'm numb, because right now I'm vulnerable, NOT numb. so it's cutting time basically. I do what I want.