Wanna do no wrong, I'm simply moving on
Somehow I wasn't even sure how exactly, but I found myself standin' back in the lobby of Wolfram and Hart. The big freaky white room just disappeared, and I could feel the hard cold floor beneath my boots again. Cordelia was still on the ground near my feet, her head in her hands. Wesley was standing next to me giving a confused looking Fred a worried look. What ever the fuck had happened to Fred was seriously whacked out. Hoped she'd be okay, for Wesley's sake anyway. Cause they obviously had a thing goin' on. Which if the circumstances were different I'd totally be fixating on the fact that it's so fucking weird that Wes is actually gettin' laid.
The only one's who didn't look phased were the evil bitch lawyer and Bleach Boy. Lilah was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a smug smile pressing her lips into a thin line. I'm sure she was more than happy to get rid of Angel. That thought was almost enough to make me fly across the lobby and tear her head right off her body....again. Spike just seemed wicked preoccupied. He was starin' at his own hands with awe in his eyes, and really why should the seriously negative vibe of Angel's death bring him down? He got what he wanted. He got to be a real boy again.
Everyone was so fucking quiet, cutting through the numb feeling that was spreading across my gut. Right in the spot where B had stuck a knife in me back in the day. Where I had that one scar that would never go away, well besides the scar on my neck from when I'd battled Angelus. Absently I brushed my fingers over the mark on my neck and closed my eyes for a second.
A few hours ago, Soul Boy was the bad guy- the one pushing us all away (and in some cases, tryin' to kill us) just so he could do the stupid thing and take on something this big all on his own. I coulda helped him, coulda been there for the fight. Why didn't he trust me enough to help him? Was it the Cordelia thing? Did he think I'd chosen her over him?
The way I felt about Cor had been something growin' for the last few months since she woke up from her coma. I didn't wanna spend too long thinkin' about it cause it was confusing as hell. I mean goin' by my usual rules? I'd already gotten what I wanted from her and should think about ditching her ass. But I wasn't and I didn't and suddenly I wondered what Angel would want me to do.
As confusing as things were with Cordelia I'd never actually meant to take her side, if there were even sides to take. I owed Soul Boy so much. If it wasn't for him who the hell knows where I'd be now. Probably not fucking his former secretary, that was for damn sure. I'd probably be dead...or worse.
Instinctively I bent down to help Cor up off the ground. Could already see the tears startin' to form and I wanted to comfort her, I did. But instead I turned away. There were some things I never got good at even when I tried. This whole thing- Angel, Cordelia, Wes and the rest of 'em? They made me long for the old days when I was a free agent. No ties to anyone. I could go back to that. Leave, slay, do my own thing. It wasn't too late.
Either way I couldn't stay in this room anymore. So fucking depressing, and I knew I was about two steps away from losin' my shit and tearing the entire building to pieces. Swallowing hard my eyes drifted from Wes to Fred to Cordelia, everyone looked numb except Spike and Lilah. Cordelia's hand was warm on my arm and I quickly pulled away. Clenching my jaw I turned from all of them and strode towards the exit.
Blowing through the main doors I heard them slam behind me as I disappeared into the shadows of the dark night. Angel was gone, and I needed to kill something. And the one thing that pissed me off more than anything? I couldn't even be pissed off at him anymore.
After all, I was no stranger to doin' the stupid thing.
The only one's who didn't look phased were the evil bitch lawyer and Bleach Boy. Lilah was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a smug smile pressing her lips into a thin line. I'm sure she was more than happy to get rid of Angel. That thought was almost enough to make me fly across the lobby and tear her head right off her body....again. Spike just seemed wicked preoccupied. He was starin' at his own hands with awe in his eyes, and really why should the seriously negative vibe of Angel's death bring him down? He got what he wanted. He got to be a real boy again.
Everyone was so fucking quiet, cutting through the numb feeling that was spreading across my gut. Right in the spot where B had stuck a knife in me back in the day. Where I had that one scar that would never go away, well besides the scar on my neck from when I'd battled Angelus. Absently I brushed my fingers over the mark on my neck and closed my eyes for a second.
A few hours ago, Soul Boy was the bad guy- the one pushing us all away (and in some cases, tryin' to kill us) just so he could do the stupid thing and take on something this big all on his own. I coulda helped him, coulda been there for the fight. Why didn't he trust me enough to help him? Was it the Cordelia thing? Did he think I'd chosen her over him?
The way I felt about Cor had been something growin' for the last few months since she woke up from her coma. I didn't wanna spend too long thinkin' about it cause it was confusing as hell. I mean goin' by my usual rules? I'd already gotten what I wanted from her and should think about ditching her ass. But I wasn't and I didn't and suddenly I wondered what Angel would want me to do.
As confusing as things were with Cordelia I'd never actually meant to take her side, if there were even sides to take. I owed Soul Boy so much. If it wasn't for him who the hell knows where I'd be now. Probably not fucking his former secretary, that was for damn sure. I'd probably be dead...or worse.
Instinctively I bent down to help Cor up off the ground. Could already see the tears startin' to form and I wanted to comfort her, I did. But instead I turned away. There were some things I never got good at even when I tried. This whole thing- Angel, Cordelia, Wes and the rest of 'em? They made me long for the old days when I was a free agent. No ties to anyone. I could go back to that. Leave, slay, do my own thing. It wasn't too late.
Either way I couldn't stay in this room anymore. So fucking depressing, and I knew I was about two steps away from losin' my shit and tearing the entire building to pieces. Swallowing hard my eyes drifted from Wes to Fred to Cordelia, everyone looked numb except Spike and Lilah. Cordelia's hand was warm on my arm and I quickly pulled away. Clenching my jaw I turned from all of them and strode towards the exit.
Blowing through the main doors I heard them slam behind me as I disappeared into the shadows of the dark night. Angel was gone, and I needed to kill something. And the one thing that pissed me off more than anything? I couldn't even be pissed off at him anymore.
After all, I was no stranger to doin' the stupid thing.