A Fat Rant
I'd go and get on the scale, just to see if I've lost any weight--it feels like I have; for example, some clothes fit better (like those black pants I like, they are too big now)--but I don't want to get on there, and see the numbers keep climbing past "The Acceptable Weight".
You know, it's pretty tough being overweight. I don't really talk about it a lot, but it's only because I'm so timorous about my body. It's not like people pick on me for being fat, or that it bothers me when people tell me I'm putting on weight... it's when people lie to me. "Oh, you don't look that fat." "Oh, you can't weigh more than 200 pounds." "Oh come on, have some more pie."
Let's get one thing straight. I'm fat. I don't need to be patronised, to be told that I look good the way I am. Yeah, that's great and all, but I'm fat. And I'm tall, so tall and fat. Which is not a good combination. It's like when two fat people date, it just turns into one BIG fat. That's why I date skinny guys. And, as it turns out, most typical skinny guys don't like fatties. In fact, who does?
I know that I'm pretty mean about fat people sometimes. It's like... self-prejudice almost. Like when black people say to other black people, "RIDE THAT BIKE LIKE YOU STOLE IT, NIGGA." Obviously, because it is stolen, but moreso because they are black. I don't really like fat people. A lot of them are really nice, but some of them are pretty obnoxious. And there are those ones that are nice, but only until you break open that bottle and out comes crazy!
I have some self-esteem issues, I guess. I'm okay with being fat, to an extent. If I'm put in a situation (dating, job interviews, grocery shopping) where I feel that I will be judged based on my weight--and not the content of my character--I try to adjust myself to my surroundings to avoid being so noticeable. For instance, on a first date, I might wear a sweater under a jacket, just because it might look like the layers make me look bigger bigger than I am. Or if I'm at an interview, I'll take something with me (a portfolio, a frying pan, a duck) to hold in front of my stomach as a distraction so that the interviewer looks me in my face, not at my sagging breasts and big, fat belly. At the grocery store, I will lean onto my cart--now, seeing that I am over six feet tall, this sometimes presents a problem when wearing shirts that are a little short cut, so the actual 'leaning' may be more like a 'lying', in an attempt to distract people away from my body, toward my face and cart of fresh produce (because that is healthy) and away from my girth and twelve pounds of butter.
I guess maybe all people deal with it the same way. They try to trick themselves into thinking that they're skinnier than they really are, wearing smaller clothes (bad!), binge-dieting, drinking Diet Coke (victim!). I can admit, at least, that I live on the lardyger side of life. I try to regain a positive outlook, saying that, maybe, one day, I might be able to fit into those pants that are five sizes too small, but they were only $3 (which, really, is cheap enough to throw them away) so it's worth the bargain! Bullshit. I don't like the "maybe one day" game. Maybe, one day, I'll put down the cake and go for a run. Yeah. Right.
I'm fat.
Except, really, "do you think I'm that fat?" "Do I look fat to you?" "How much would you guess I weigh?" "Oh, what's the weight limit on this ladder?" "Am I weighing your car down too much?" "Oh, yes, I would like some cookies--wait, are they reduced fat? I'm watching what I eat." HELL YEAH, I'm watching what I eat! Watching it go into my mouth!
Let's be honest about one thing. If I were skinny, would I be the same person? Probably not. I don't actually know what I'd be like if I were skinny, but I feel like being fat makes me kind of who I am today--whoever that is.
So, really, how much do you think I weigh?
You know, it's pretty tough being overweight. I don't really talk about it a lot, but it's only because I'm so timorous about my body. It's not like people pick on me for being fat, or that it bothers me when people tell me I'm putting on weight... it's when people lie to me. "Oh, you don't look that fat." "Oh, you can't weigh more than 200 pounds." "Oh come on, have some more pie."
Let's get one thing straight. I'm fat. I don't need to be patronised, to be told that I look good the way I am. Yeah, that's great and all, but I'm fat. And I'm tall, so tall and fat. Which is not a good combination. It's like when two fat people date, it just turns into one BIG fat. That's why I date skinny guys. And, as it turns out, most typical skinny guys don't like fatties. In fact, who does?
I know that I'm pretty mean about fat people sometimes. It's like... self-prejudice almost. Like when black people say to other black people, "RIDE THAT BIKE LIKE YOU STOLE IT, NIGGA." Obviously, because it is stolen, but moreso because they are black. I don't really like fat people. A lot of them are really nice, but some of them are pretty obnoxious. And there are those ones that are nice, but only until you break open that bottle and out comes crazy!
I have some self-esteem issues, I guess. I'm okay with being fat, to an extent. If I'm put in a situation (dating, job interviews, grocery shopping) where I feel that I will be judged based on my weight--and not the content of my character--I try to adjust myself to my surroundings to avoid being so noticeable. For instance, on a first date, I might wear a sweater under a jacket, just because it might look like the layers make me look bigger bigger than I am. Or if I'm at an interview, I'll take something with me (a portfolio, a frying pan, a duck) to hold in front of my stomach as a distraction so that the interviewer looks me in my face, not at my sagging breasts and big, fat belly. At the grocery store, I will lean onto my cart--now, seeing that I am over six feet tall, this sometimes presents a problem when wearing shirts that are a little short cut, so the actual 'leaning' may be more like a 'lying', in an attempt to distract people away from my body, toward my face and cart of fresh produce (because that is healthy) and away from my girth and twelve pounds of butter.
I guess maybe all people deal with it the same way. They try to trick themselves into thinking that they're skinnier than they really are, wearing smaller clothes (bad!), binge-dieting, drinking Diet Coke (victim!). I can admit, at least, that I live on the lardyger side of life. I try to regain a positive outlook, saying that, maybe, one day, I might be able to fit into those pants that are five sizes too small, but they were only $3 (which, really, is cheap enough to throw them away) so it's worth the bargain! Bullshit. I don't like the "maybe one day" game. Maybe, one day, I'll put down the cake and go for a run. Yeah. Right.
I'm fat.
Except, really, "do you think I'm that fat?" "Do I look fat to you?" "How much would you guess I weigh?" "Oh, what's the weight limit on this ladder?" "Am I weighing your car down too much?" "Oh, yes, I would like some cookies--wait, are they reduced fat? I'm watching what I eat." HELL YEAH, I'm watching what I eat! Watching it go into my mouth!
Let's be honest about one thing. If I were skinny, would I be the same person? Probably not. I don't actually know what I'd be like if I were skinny, but I feel like being fat makes me kind of who I am today--whoever that is.
So, really, how much do you think I weigh?