(no subject)
It's Christmas Eve. It's funny to look back through all Christmases past, and really savour the anxiety, as a young child. Wow. Times were good back then. Now, it's all.. commercialized, and things look a whole lot different. For starter, as a child, I was never fully obligated to get anyone a present. This year, I feel more obligated, but I'm broke. I literally have 29 cents to my name. I'm still asking for handouts, and special favours, and I feel so selfish, so ignorant, and, ultimately, like ass. Big, hairy ass. I feel so rotten. I received a present from a friend tonight; AC/DC in the 20th Century. It's a 27-disc compilation, all burned, mind you, but still, it is a fully-functional gift, and I had look him in the eyes, and say I have nothing for him. Am I really that horrible? Maybe I am. I have to make up for things, I really do, but I feel so helpless. It's 11:51, here on my computer. I'm lonely as hell, and I've been grouchy to my mom. I just want out. I need more time. I need a second chance. I really feel like crying, it's taking that much a toll on me. I've always had a problem accepting gifts from people, friends, aquaintacnes. This year, I feel like I can't even accept anything from my family, considering I have nothing for them. I feel like such a scrooge. 5 minutes to go now, and I'm feeling increasingly miserable by the second.
Someone... please save me.
Someone... please save me.