Ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaaaaaanges
Name that song, folks. Although that part that I put in my subject line is the only part I know.
Anyway, as that awfully clever subject line states, my life is rapidly changing. And if I think about it too long, I get seriously stressed out.
It's not that change is bad. I know that change is a good thing, it helps us grow and keep on moving through life. But I feel like alot of them are coming at me at once.
For the past three years, I've had my hometown friends whom I adore and went through alot with, and then I had my new university friend who I could joke and talk with about school, but who I just wasn't attached to in quite the same way. I spent summers with my hometown peeps and the school year with university people, and all was right with the world.
This year, that seems to be changing. I've gotten closer with some of my university friends. They were there for me when my other friends couldn't be, and we have some great times together, memories I'll cherish. It's a little scary to be letting myself get attached to people after being so incredibly close to a small group for so long, but of course I'm not complaining. The thing that really gets me is that I can feel my hometown friends, some of whom I consider my best friends, slipping away from me. We're all in different cities at different unis doing our own things, and whereas we used to have summers together, within the next couple years that will change as we start to lauch our careers and/or get attached to our new cities and just stay the summer there. I hate the thought of losing touch with them, but I fear that if we're apart too long I'll lose contact because I'm a really awful long-distance friend.
Part of my anxiety about losing touch with people is connected to my fear of striking out on my own. I used to be so eager to be independent and seperate from my family. I was the first of my close friends to go away from home for a long time on my own (six-week exchange in Quebec) and one of the first to go to university. I look back now and I realise that me going boldly to a university in a big city without knowing a soul there was really just me trying to impress my friends and be someone they look up to (my desire to be the centre of attention at all times is a whole seperate issue). But the closer I get to being a "real adult" with my own career, the more I want to claw my way back through time and be a child again. I miss a time when I could walk to my best friend's house in five minutes, see all my close friends at school every day, be a constant presence in my little brother's life. I miss them like crazy when I don't get to see them every day, but very soon I'll be off starting up my career and they just won't be around. It's scary.
Anyway, as that awfully clever subject line states, my life is rapidly changing. And if I think about it too long, I get seriously stressed out.
It's not that change is bad. I know that change is a good thing, it helps us grow and keep on moving through life. But I feel like alot of them are coming at me at once.
For the past three years, I've had my hometown friends whom I adore and went through alot with, and then I had my new university friend who I could joke and talk with about school, but who I just wasn't attached to in quite the same way. I spent summers with my hometown peeps and the school year with university people, and all was right with the world.
This year, that seems to be changing. I've gotten closer with some of my university friends. They were there for me when my other friends couldn't be, and we have some great times together, memories I'll cherish. It's a little scary to be letting myself get attached to people after being so incredibly close to a small group for so long, but of course I'm not complaining. The thing that really gets me is that I can feel my hometown friends, some of whom I consider my best friends, slipping away from me. We're all in different cities at different unis doing our own things, and whereas we used to have summers together, within the next couple years that will change as we start to lauch our careers and/or get attached to our new cities and just stay the summer there. I hate the thought of losing touch with them, but I fear that if we're apart too long I'll lose contact because I'm a really awful long-distance friend.
Part of my anxiety about losing touch with people is connected to my fear of striking out on my own. I used to be so eager to be independent and seperate from my family. I was the first of my close friends to go away from home for a long time on my own (six-week exchange in Quebec) and one of the first to go to university. I look back now and I realise that me going boldly to a university in a big city without knowing a soul there was really just me trying to impress my friends and be someone they look up to (my desire to be the centre of attention at all times is a whole seperate issue). But the closer I get to being a "real adult" with my own career, the more I want to claw my way back through time and be a child again. I miss a time when I could walk to my best friend's house in five minutes, see all my close friends at school every day, be a constant presence in my little brother's life. I miss them like crazy when I don't get to see them every day, but very soon I'll be off starting up my career and they just won't be around. It's scary.