(no subject)
This week brought my first week as an East Stroudsburg University student. So far? Not so bad. The only bad thing is the commute. It's roughly 30-40 minutes... and it usually takes me more time to get home than to get to school.
Anyways, I have gym at 8 am. That's pretty killer given the commute on major roads and rush hour traffic. Not so thrilled about that, but so far I like the class. It's going to make me relive nightmares of high school field hockey though, haha. After that I have History of Psychology. Suck ass. My professor is old as dirt and funny in a way that's not funny. And he refuses to talk above a conversational tone in a LECTURE HALL. So.. I sit in the third row and can't hear a word he says... ever. I usually find myself completely tuning him out and getting lost in my own thoughts. Bad, I know... but I can't help it. The material is all pretty familiar anyways.. considering I've already taken a billion psychology classes. After that is Experimental Design in Psychology.... The title MIGHT imply that it's a psychology class. However... it's statistics. I JUST took that class!!! Oh well. I need it to be a psych. major, and I'm not entirely sure that I wont be one of them... so for the time being, I'll take it just to get it over with. My last class of the day is my favorite, and that's Foundations of Special Education. It's easy so far... but it's pretty intense. Haven't learned anything I didn't know before, but I'm sure that will come with time. It's a typically freshman course, so I have a bunch of bratty 18 year olds in that class that want nothing more than to talk about who's a bigger whore, what daddy just bought them, and how drunk they were last night. And of course they talk loudly because they want everyone to hear them... because it makes them seem "cool" to be able to say these things. Yeah, okay. I'd rather they just shut up so I can learn.
I can't wait for the next two years to be over. I'm hoping to be able to take a class during the winter semester, and hopefully and partial or full course load over this summer to that I can graduate on time. I'd reeaaaaallly like to graduate on time, haha.
Lately I've been questioning my ability to be successful. I mean, I know I have been successful to this point and that I am completely capable of being successful in the future. But.... my motives really suck. I'm doing it to prove it to my family that I CAN do this, and better yet... I can do it without their support. I'm not in the house anymore, and my Dad is still telling me that I'm "falling off track" and I'm a failure. Because failures take 13 college credits, work 40 hours a week, and live on their own. I'm a huge failure. I thrive with compliments from my friends. Melanie said something to me the other day that actually left me speechless.... she said... "but I'm not you, I'm not strong." Wow. Talk about a compliment, and talk about how wonderful she made me feel. It's great to know that someone's backing me up. Amber's always saying how proud of me she is for being able to move out at 19 and being able to do this all on my own so young. It feels good. As always... Justin's been a huge pillar of support.
I feel an almost constant need to earn the respect of those in my life... to prove to them that I'm greater than what my family thinks... and that I can make myself into a better person. All I want is to get my degree and move on with my life.
So... this week... I'm pretty bummed about not being able to go to Vermont with Howie next week... but what can you do? I should probably be working and saving money, anyways. But still... that would have been a nice get away.
So... I've just been working and going to school and working and going to school. Last night Justin came over for a bit while I did laundry. Then today after classes I went to get my tattoo worked on. I have never gotten so swollen from ANYTHING before... and I'm always swollen from something, haha. Anyways... it was bad. Amber got home and told me that my WHOLE back was bruised... and... it is. It's bad. Oh yeah! Tonight Justin also stopped by and woke me up from my nap... which worked out, because I needed to get up. I declined an invitation to go out, and did some homework. He ended up coming by later and bribed me out of the apartment with the promise of ice cream. That was definitely a worthwhile interruption... as was his company.
Amber got home and we paid our bill and chatted and stuff... and now I should get to bed for work 8-5 tomorrow.
Until next time...
Anyways, I have gym at 8 am. That's pretty killer given the commute on major roads and rush hour traffic. Not so thrilled about that, but so far I like the class. It's going to make me relive nightmares of high school field hockey though, haha. After that I have History of Psychology. Suck ass. My professor is old as dirt and funny in a way that's not funny. And he refuses to talk above a conversational tone in a LECTURE HALL. So.. I sit in the third row and can't hear a word he says... ever. I usually find myself completely tuning him out and getting lost in my own thoughts. Bad, I know... but I can't help it. The material is all pretty familiar anyways.. considering I've already taken a billion psychology classes. After that is Experimental Design in Psychology.... The title MIGHT imply that it's a psychology class. However... it's statistics. I JUST took that class!!! Oh well. I need it to be a psych. major, and I'm not entirely sure that I wont be one of them... so for the time being, I'll take it just to get it over with. My last class of the day is my favorite, and that's Foundations of Special Education. It's easy so far... but it's pretty intense. Haven't learned anything I didn't know before, but I'm sure that will come with time. It's a typically freshman course, so I have a bunch of bratty 18 year olds in that class that want nothing more than to talk about who's a bigger whore, what daddy just bought them, and how drunk they were last night. And of course they talk loudly because they want everyone to hear them... because it makes them seem "cool" to be able to say these things. Yeah, okay. I'd rather they just shut up so I can learn.
I can't wait for the next two years to be over. I'm hoping to be able to take a class during the winter semester, and hopefully and partial or full course load over this summer to that I can graduate on time. I'd reeaaaaallly like to graduate on time, haha.
Lately I've been questioning my ability to be successful. I mean, I know I have been successful to this point and that I am completely capable of being successful in the future. But.... my motives really suck. I'm doing it to prove it to my family that I CAN do this, and better yet... I can do it without their support. I'm not in the house anymore, and my Dad is still telling me that I'm "falling off track" and I'm a failure. Because failures take 13 college credits, work 40 hours a week, and live on their own. I'm a huge failure. I thrive with compliments from my friends. Melanie said something to me the other day that actually left me speechless.... she said... "but I'm not you, I'm not strong." Wow. Talk about a compliment, and talk about how wonderful she made me feel. It's great to know that someone's backing me up. Amber's always saying how proud of me she is for being able to move out at 19 and being able to do this all on my own so young. It feels good. As always... Justin's been a huge pillar of support.
I feel an almost constant need to earn the respect of those in my life... to prove to them that I'm greater than what my family thinks... and that I can make myself into a better person. All I want is to get my degree and move on with my life.
So... this week... I'm pretty bummed about not being able to go to Vermont with Howie next week... but what can you do? I should probably be working and saving money, anyways. But still... that would have been a nice get away.
So... I've just been working and going to school and working and going to school. Last night Justin came over for a bit while I did laundry. Then today after classes I went to get my tattoo worked on. I have never gotten so swollen from ANYTHING before... and I'm always swollen from something, haha. Anyways... it was bad. Amber got home and told me that my WHOLE back was bruised... and... it is. It's bad. Oh yeah! Tonight Justin also stopped by and woke me up from my nap... which worked out, because I needed to get up. I declined an invitation to go out, and did some homework. He ended up coming by later and bribed me out of the apartment with the promise of ice cream. That was definitely a worthwhile interruption... as was his company.
Amber got home and we paid our bill and chatted and stuff... and now I should get to bed for work 8-5 tomorrow.
Until next time...