How to deal
Yesterday was a reminder of life for me. The morning and early afternoon were wonderful. The weather was perfect, I was productive on my report, I took a healthy hike, ate a delicious lunch and spent an hour and a half soaking up the sun on the beach. I was feeling content and almost sure that nothing could go wrong that day; I was wrong.
About an hour-and-a-half after arriving at the beach and just after I got perfectly comfortable, the "lifeguards" ran past me to do a rescue. This was the first real open-water rescue that I have witnessed. I watched them give CPR for about 15 minutes but in the back of my head I knew the man wasn't going to make it. As it turned out the man had been in the water for about 30 minutes before the lifeguards came to rescue him and he had been dead by the time he was dragged ashore. All that I know about this man was that he was out there surfing, he was a tourist from Germany and he was there with his girlfriend (who happened to miss the incident).
I am not in shock, or maybe I am. I couldn't help but cry over the situation. I wasn't thinking about what I could have done or should have done; I knew that he had died and that was that. I was more concerned about how I could cope. The one thing that kept repeating in my head was "how do you cope with witnessing the unexpected death of a complete stranger?" I thought about my life. I wanted to call home but I didn't know who to call because nobody could do anything. I wanted to escape, I wanted to go far away, but I knew I had to face the reality.
I didn't sleep well last night. All of my dreams were haunted by death. I am sure this will take time to heal, I felt that I needed to write my thoughts out and cleanse myself of them. I need support and I can't get it here.
About an hour-and-a-half after arriving at the beach and just after I got perfectly comfortable, the "lifeguards" ran past me to do a rescue. This was the first real open-water rescue that I have witnessed. I watched them give CPR for about 15 minutes but in the back of my head I knew the man wasn't going to make it. As it turned out the man had been in the water for about 30 minutes before the lifeguards came to rescue him and he had been dead by the time he was dragged ashore. All that I know about this man was that he was out there surfing, he was a tourist from Germany and he was there with his girlfriend (who happened to miss the incident).
I am not in shock, or maybe I am. I couldn't help but cry over the situation. I wasn't thinking about what I could have done or should have done; I knew that he had died and that was that. I was more concerned about how I could cope. The one thing that kept repeating in my head was "how do you cope with witnessing the unexpected death of a complete stranger?" I thought about my life. I wanted to call home but I didn't know who to call because nobody could do anything. I wanted to escape, I wanted to go far away, but I knew I had to face the reality.
I didn't sleep well last night. All of my dreams were haunted by death. I am sure this will take time to heal, I felt that I needed to write my thoughts out and cleanse myself of them. I need support and I can't get it here.