(no subject)
right well here we go the first out of six or so im led to belive.
anyway so im sat round here at jaes feeling a little out of place but still fairly at home its strange. hmm im glad in one way that i over think so i can forsee peoples motives but in anouther way its hell. i also see and hear far to much hence todays tone. i think i may have gotten to deep i think i may be feeling far to much on this front and as usual jaes advice is to get out quick altho im not so sure "the word" means more to me than it does to jae to him its just another ploy into bed but for me it means that i wont just step out when i start over worrying but all the same my felings are never liars so im iffy about that especialy after being left to think to much.
god I miss haylo she went to uni today-ish so i feel a bit pangy over that but hey i didnt show it so im greatfull for small mercy.
im not secure infact im paranoid insecure easily influenced and untrusting oh and i have a fear of uncertanty and a very strong defence mechanism to match. today has not been a good day and im sure tommorow will just get worse i shoudnt let people know things insted i should stay stum since what isnt known causes no harm and god knows i can double dutch to hide things. good point when lieing if someone is very set on getting to some gosip throw them a bone of absoulout bolloks or better still something that is of no importance what so ever but make sure they work for it and act like a n exausted animal chased down to tell them this huge deep trusting thing. they wont bother pushing any further. its all a mater of knowing how to play them off and if your really good those people will think they know you inside out and when your lieing but its fine you know youv kept everything that needs keeping. im off because im knackered ahh absinth diddnt beat me it just blinded me im glad i proved that point. night.
anyway so im sat round here at jaes feeling a little out of place but still fairly at home its strange. hmm im glad in one way that i over think so i can forsee peoples motives but in anouther way its hell. i also see and hear far to much hence todays tone. i think i may have gotten to deep i think i may be feeling far to much on this front and as usual jaes advice is to get out quick altho im not so sure "the word" means more to me than it does to jae to him its just another ploy into bed but for me it means that i wont just step out when i start over worrying but all the same my felings are never liars so im iffy about that especialy after being left to think to much.
god I miss haylo she went to uni today-ish so i feel a bit pangy over that but hey i didnt show it so im greatfull for small mercy.
im not secure infact im paranoid insecure easily influenced and untrusting oh and i have a fear of uncertanty and a very strong defence mechanism to match. today has not been a good day and im sure tommorow will just get worse i shoudnt let people know things insted i should stay stum since what isnt known causes no harm and god knows i can double dutch to hide things. good point when lieing if someone is very set on getting to some gosip throw them a bone of absoulout bolloks or better still something that is of no importance what so ever but make sure they work for it and act like a n exausted animal chased down to tell them this huge deep trusting thing. they wont bother pushing any further. its all a mater of knowing how to play them off and if your really good those people will think they know you inside out and when your lieing but its fine you know youv kept everything that needs keeping. im off because im knackered ahh absinth diddnt beat me it just blinded me im glad i proved that point. night.