Fear Noose
Another thing I did this past weekend was going to Feel News for the first time. (I have a feeling my English is worsening every day) Feel News is just another supermarket in my neighborhood, not quite as close to me as Seiyu, but closer than Jusco. As I used to make my friends aware, I was avoiding Feel News like a cliché. Why is this?
Well to begin, the name by itself..."Feel News"...if you think about that name for more than two seconds your brain starts to bleed out your nose and won't stop until you ram a drill into your temple (I watched the movie π last Friday). Anyways, once I got the bleeding to stop, I was able to truely think about it without it still hurting, and I discovered the obvious fact of the matter. It is in fact not called "Feel News" at all. Or at least it isn't meant to be. Let's take "Feel News" and work backwards to see why. "Feel News" written in Japanese katakana would probably be something like "Fiiru Nyuuzu." You might have to be somewhat familiar with the complete and utter rape that the Japanese language commits against English to understand this but...to a typical English-ignorant Japanese person trying to take "Fiiru Nyuuzu" and writing it in English could very easily come out "Fear Noose." Not that they know what "Fear Noose" means...it's just how they think the sound "Fiiru Nyuuzu" might be spelled in English.
The reverse is true too. When the "Feel News" chain first opened, some executive in charge of naming the place came up with "Fear Noose" after playing around a bit with The Fish (why he would want to call it that I'll get to in a bit). So he told his boss about "Fear Noose" but he pronounced it "Fiiru Nyuuzu." And after being passed from executive to executive and then being translated back into English by some random flunky it became "Feel News."
So why would they want to call it "Fear Noose" anyways? Well, I really don't know for certain. But I was always too afraid to go in there and find out. I mean...sure they have low everyday prices....but that could be at a cost...OF YOUR LIFE. They probably randomly hook people around the neck with a noose and just pull them up through a trap door in the ceiling...and use them for god knows what. Harvesting organs. Prostitution. Feel News knows all the tricks to make a good buck off a captive human. That's how they can afford their sales.
So why did I finally risk going to Feel News? Well...I kinda blew a lot of money in Nagoya the day before, so I wanted to try to save money I could this week. I had heard from friends that they have some great sales at Feel News every Sunday--including eggs for 100 yen. Eggs have been my major source of protein lately, and so I had to get some to help myself through the week. I also got some bananas for breakfast. Being the big sale day the place was packed, mostly with 2 foot tall elderly Japanese ladies...of which Japan has far too many! Everybody was scrambling to get the last 100 yen Pokémon instant curry, while frantic MIDI music played overhead. I bought my crap and got out fast. I was fortunate to have avoided the noose this time. I hope there won't have to be a next time.
Well to begin, the name by itself..."Feel News"...if you think about that name for more than two seconds your brain starts to bleed out your nose and won't stop until you ram a drill into your temple (I watched the movie π last Friday). Anyways, once I got the bleeding to stop, I was able to truely think about it without it still hurting, and I discovered the obvious fact of the matter. It is in fact not called "Feel News" at all. Or at least it isn't meant to be. Let's take "Feel News" and work backwards to see why. "Feel News" written in Japanese katakana would probably be something like "Fiiru Nyuuzu." You might have to be somewhat familiar with the complete and utter rape that the Japanese language commits against English to understand this but...to a typical English-ignorant Japanese person trying to take "Fiiru Nyuuzu" and writing it in English could very easily come out "Fear Noose." Not that they know what "Fear Noose" means...it's just how they think the sound "Fiiru Nyuuzu" might be spelled in English.
The reverse is true too. When the "Feel News" chain first opened, some executive in charge of naming the place came up with "Fear Noose" after playing around a bit with The Fish (why he would want to call it that I'll get to in a bit). So he told his boss about "Fear Noose" but he pronounced it "Fiiru Nyuuzu." And after being passed from executive to executive and then being translated back into English by some random flunky it became "Feel News."
So why would they want to call it "Fear Noose" anyways? Well, I really don't know for certain. But I was always too afraid to go in there and find out. I mean...sure they have low everyday prices....but that could be at a cost...OF YOUR LIFE. They probably randomly hook people around the neck with a noose and just pull them up through a trap door in the ceiling...and use them for god knows what. Harvesting organs. Prostitution. Feel News knows all the tricks to make a good buck off a captive human. That's how they can afford their sales.
So why did I finally risk going to Feel News? Well...I kinda blew a lot of money in Nagoya the day before, so I wanted to try to save money I could this week. I had heard from friends that they have some great sales at Feel News every Sunday--including eggs for 100 yen. Eggs have been my major source of protein lately, and so I had to get some to help myself through the week. I also got some bananas for breakfast. Being the big sale day the place was packed, mostly with 2 foot tall elderly Japanese ladies...of which Japan has far too many! Everybody was scrambling to get the last 100 yen Pokémon instant curry, while frantic MIDI music played overhead. I bought my crap and got out fast. I was fortunate to have avoided the noose this time. I hope there won't have to be a next time.