Jan 28, 2012 17:44
I've discovered yet another new thing about myself. Recently I got myself attached to and afectionate with a non-Christian guy. Now even Jesus says in the new testament not to yoke yourself with an unbeliever - He probably knew the struggle that would ensue when you became attached to someone that didn't hold your moral standards. This guy isn't an Atheist per se; he chooses not to become a part of organized religion because he disdains the politics that come with a church and the hypocrisy that goes with it.
When we first started speaking to one another, I only a Christian interest in him - I was going to convert him to Christianity. Then I learned of his background with the church, and that he had been raised in one. Its the hardest thing in the world to convince a Christian that left the church with clear reasons and is intelligent on a whole other level to come back to a faith that has lost value to them. I had decided the only way to bring someone back to the faith that had once been in it would be to use love as my greatest weapon.
It kinda backfired on me.
Now, I've fallen in love with the mook! Distance and my parents are our greatest enemy - anyone who is not a devout Christian is automatically labelled a bad seed in the choice of potential mates for me. The problem with this is that he's an excellent match. We have plenty in common, and both of us are willing to learn more for the other. When a guy goes to a club with you, for you, even though he doesn't know how to dance and then proceeds to try his damndest to dance with you, you know he's a keeper.
Because there are two swords standing in the way of the two of us being together as guy and girl, we've both decided to see if we can find anyone else around us to be with. Now its been turned into a joke between the two of us, going over our profiles to see who might be the next person to take the other's place. But now, after filling out a dozen or more questionnares, answering questions about the way I live my Christian life, I begin to actually see a deep-seated fear.
I've only ever met one man that turned to Christ that I've ever actually respected and trusted. He's blissfully married now. I have yet to meet another man that I have not felt condemned or prejudiced by since him. I'm completely fearful of all the men that I may be approached by looking for perfection in a HOUSEWIFE. I'm not a housewife in the least, nor do I ever intend to be. Every single one of the guys on profiles is looking for a woman to clean house and bear children. I like a clean living space, but I also expect my guy to do the same. I have no desire to have kids, and may be persuaded otherwise in the future, but until then, no way!
I can already see this failing for some reason because I see nothing but Chauvinists everytime I look at a church, who is expecting to see a humble woman. It amazes me that they would expect me to be humble and not me them. So irritating to think they wouldn't want an even relationship. I will serve only the one that respects me and knows I can bite back.